


Dreams

by dilamrblfwpu



Category: Compilation of Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VII (Video Game 1997), Final Fantasy VII Remake (Video Game 2020)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Canon Divergence - Zack Lives, Complicated Relationships, Hurt/Comfort, I Will Go Down With This Ship, I will update tags as I go, Listen this isn't a nice all the time story, M/M, Making This Up As I Go, Maybe - Freeform, Multi, Rape/Non-con Elements, Suicidal Thoughts, THERE WILL BE TRIGGERS, Zack Lives?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-02
Updated: 2020-11-29
Packaged: 2021-03-02 05:06:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 31
Words: 60,209
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23959645
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dilamrblfwpu/pseuds/dilamrblfwpu
Summary: Zack wasn't sure what he wanted most of his life, outside of being a SOLDIER. When he and Cloud are held prisoner by Shinra for experimentation. He learns that he would do anything to save the boy that had nearly died on his order.
Relationships: Tifa Lockhart/Cloud Strife, Zack Fair & Cloud Strife, Zack Fair/Aerith Gainsborough, Zack Fair/Cloud Strife
Comments: 321
Kudos: 387





	1. Taken

**Author's Note:**

> HI THERE! I've loved FFVII for so long, and I've always thought of Zack/Cloud as my favorite pairing. I think they have a deep and complex story, and I'm excited to explore it. Please, leave me a comment and let me know what you think as we go!

Every day, he awoke from the same nightmare. Or rather, to the same nightmare. He was dragged from his cell by men he had tried and failed to overpower time and time again, pulled down a long, dark hallway, with no care from the men whether his feet were under him or not. He was taken to a brightly lit room with windows for walls, stripped down to his boxers, and strapped to the same cold exam table. Tourniquets were applied to both of his upper arms, and a man dressed in all white dug around in his arms with a needle until he was able to find a vein that hadn’t already been blown. He had struggled at the beginning, for what he could only imagine had been weeks, until he had been beaten into submission too many times to want to fight back. He wasn’t sure how many concussions he had been given, how many times he had his ribs broken by the man who stood in the corner of the room, obviously hired muscle to keep him under control if needed. He once smirked when the man would step towards him, welcoming the challenge. Now, due to a combination of drugs administered to him before “treatment” and too many fights lost, he sat as still and as quietly as possible when he was in the room. 

Every day, it was the same set of questions. Any loss of vision? Headaches? Numbness or tingling in his hands or feet? Any loss of bowel or bladder control? He stopped answering eventually, the answers never changed and he was never truthful anyway. His head hadn’t stopped hurting since the day he woke up in this place, he wasn’t sure if he couldn’t see or it was the constantly dim light he was kept in, but he wasn’t about to say anything that could convince the Professor that something was wrong with him. 

Every day, he responded in the same way to the questions:

“Where is he?” he would ask, voice level and clear. He had learned quickly that shouting only caused him pain and pushed him further away from the answers he wanted.

Another needle, this time into his upper arm, just below the shoulder. It burned and he winced as the liquid in the syringe was pushed into the muscle. Another injection was put into the IV, and it felt like fire coursing through his veins. He clenched his fists and tensed his body in response to the pain. 

“I don’t know who you are referring to.” Another man dressed in white, carrying a clipboard and constantly writing things down replied to him. He scoffed, rolling his eyes.

“Bullshit. You know damn well who I’m talking about, and if you’ve hurt one hair on his --” he was interrupted by a body slamming into one of the glass walls of the room. His head snapped up to see what had happened, eyes squinted to see if he could identify anyone outside. His heart skipped a beat when the person on the other side of the wall stood up from the ground, blonde hair a mess and nearly naked, just like he was. 

Their eyes met through the glass and he thought his chest might explode as he struggled against his restraints, trying to free himself and run to the boy on the other side of the wall. His stomach plummeted as his eyes quickly surveyed the boy, blood dripping from his blonde head down into his eye, marks from needles covering his arms and chest, red marks on his wrists and ankles from what he could only assume were restraints. The boy began to bang on the glass wall, doing no damage to the property, but splitting the side of one of his hands open, blood smearing across the otherwise pristine wall. 

“Zack!” he screamed. “Zack, please, help me!”

Cloud was alive, and he was being tortured, just like Zack was. He struggled against the straps that held his body to the exam table. He saw movement near Cloud, a man in a dark suit with an electro-rod rounding the corner.

“Cloud!” he yelled, “Cloud, run!” But it was too late. The man in the suit held the rod to Cloud’s side and activated it, holding it there for much longer than necessary. Cloud shrieked, pain racing through his body. He fell to the ground, head cracking against the concrete floor. The man in the suit moved towards the now unconscious Cloud. Red hair flashed behind the glass, and Zack wasn’t convinced the burning in his veins was coming from whatever drugs were being injected into his system.

“Don’t fucking touch him, Reno! I swear, you lay one more finger on him and I’ll —“ the man on the other side smirked at him.

“Or you’ll what, pretty boy?” Reno yelled back. He activated his electro-mag rod again, pressing it to the glass before holding it against Cloud’s bare chest. The boy woke up just long enough to scream in agony, body thrashing about wildly. Reno watched as Zack struggled against his restraints, smiling. He felt the prick of a needle against the skin of his neck, then a slight burn, then he began to lose the will to fight against the restraints. He knew he had been given some sort of sedative, and focused on fighting against it long enough to speak one more sentence:

“Reno, please,” he swore he saw regret flash across the Turk’s face before he lost consciousness. 

He wasn’t sure how much time had passed when he woke up from the drug induced sleep, back in his cell. He could still hear Cloud’s screams echoing in his ears. 

Zack had always considered himself a tough person. He had been able to talk himself out of pain, both physical and mental to rise through the ranks of SOLDIER quickly. As he lay on the cold concrete floor of his cell, grasping at his head in a desperate attempt to quiet the cries of the boy, he realized that no amount of toughness would get him out of the situation they were in. 

He continued to grasp his head and cried, the hardest he ever had in his life.


	2. Helpless

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Reno isn't the worst.

Cloud was alive. This fact was the only thing keeping Zack going. It was the only thing keeping him from trying to kill himself, or any of the hundreds of Shinra personnel that grabbed, poked, prodded, dragged or otherwise annoyed him throughout the day. 

Cloud was alive, and Zack hadn’t seen him since he watched Reno torture the boy through the glass wall. He asked where he was at every given opportunity, but it had apparently become policy not to speak to the SOLDIER unless it was to ask him questions about symptoms he may or may not be having. Zack made it his policy not to answer any of them.

He wasn’t sure how many days it had been since he had seen Cloud. He was sure that the screams emitted by the boy would haunt him for the rest of his days, however many he had left. As tired as all of the drugs pumped into his system left him, as much as the pain of the tests drained him, he couldn’t find sleep with those horrible sounds reverberating around his skull. When he did find rest, he often woke up screaming himself. Conveniently enough, Reno always seemed to be around when this happened. He had woken up in this manner after a particularly painful drug injection, and was unsurprised to see Reno standing outside the bars that contained him. 

“Something eating at you, pretty boy?” the Turk asked. Zack rolled over on the mat he was given to sleep on, so that his back was to Reno. 

“What the fuck is it to you?” he asked. Reno scoffed, tapping his electro-mag rod against the cell bars. 

“Because it’s keeping me awake, too.” At this admission, Zack pushed himself slowly and painfully into a seated position. He stared at the Turk, mako-infused eyes meeting green from across the room. “He doesn’t really stop screaming, yanno? Whether it’s from pain or asking about you, or begging to be let go, he just never shuts up.” If Zack had been strong enough, he would have strangled Reno between the bars.

“Go the fuck away, Reno.”

“Really not fond of needles, that one. You’d think with as many as they’ve come at him with, he’d be over it by now. But, every time, it’s like he’s seeing one for the first time. They have to sedate him every time. And they came to that solution after they figured out that beating the shit out of him didn’t really work. Resilient, really. Especially for as small as he is.” Reno squatted down, getting on Zack’s level, waiting for a response. Zack’s chest felt tight. He felt as though the air was being sucked out of the room. His eyes stung with tears that he was determined to keep from falling, and he clenched and unclenched his hands repeatedly at his sides. 

Zack, the SOLDIER first class, one of the most elite members of an already elite group, the man who had taken on Sephiroth with no hesitation, was having a panic attack over the thought of Cloud Strife, an infantryman who failed to qualify as a SOLDIER, a man who should’ve carried very little weight in his world. 

“He’s a fucking kid, Reno. Let him go,” he spoke quietly. His chest hurt when he thought about the boy being tortured, his heart broke at the thought of him thinking Zack wasn’t coming to his rescue this time. 

What exactly was making him feel this way?

Reno shook his head softly.

“No can do, pretty boy. Even if I wanted to, you think Hojo would hesitate to kill me if he thought I was the reason one of his precious experiments got away? Ho, ho, no. Not a chance.”

Hojo. Zack knew who he was, knew they were being held on his authority. He had heard the scientists talk about him quietly in the treatment rooms, but he had yet to see the man in person. 

“Why the fuck are you here, Reno? Just to tell me how tortured he is? You’re sick. And you know, if there weren’t bars between us, if it was just you and me in an open room, I’d kill you. I’d fucking kill you. No matter how much poison I’d just have pumped into my body, no matter what tests they put me through. If it came down to me versus you, I’d win. No contest.” Reno laughed quietly. 

“Never was good at getting my actual point across, I guess. Listen, he won’t stop screaming for you. It’s all he ever says, sedated or not. It’s like he’s forgotten every other word he’s ever known. They’re starting to wonder if… if he’s already broken. They don’t know what to do with him. The Professor knows you were his commanding officer, so he wants to know if you know of anything that might calm him down.” It was Zack’s turn to laugh, a sad, shaky sound. 

“Hojo can fuck off.” Reno stared at him, something like concern playing across his features. 

“That isn’t going to help him, Zack.”

“Neither are you, Reno. Neither is anyone in this whole damn laboratory. He’s slow to trust to begin with. Then he was betrayed by Sephiroth, now the organization he gave his life to? You’re all fucking crazy.” he turned his back to the Turk again, this time leaning into the wall for support. His chest felt like it was going to collapse in on itself, and Zack had to count his breath to keep from losing it right then and there. 

“You love him?” Reno asked quietly. 

“Fuck off, Reno.”

“Yeah,” the Turk whispered. Thought so.” he stood up and walked away from the cell, leaving Zack on his own. He continued to count his breaths as tears streamed down his face. 

He wasn’t sure how long he sat against the wall crying. He wasn’t even really sure he would ever stop. He faded in and out of sleep, always waking to the sound of Cloud screaming. The last time he woke the screams were louder, more overwhelming than they had been since he had heard them in person. He pressed his hands to his ears, rocking his whole body back and forth. 

He missed the sound of his cell opening, but quickly jumped to his feet when he heard something hit the floor near the door. He turned toward the sound as quickly as his injured body would allow, and saw Reno locking the door from the outside, face blank. His eyes shot up to meet Zack’s once again as he turned the final key.

“Don’t say I never did anything for you.” he turned and walked down the dark hallway. Zack’s heartbeat was so fast it was painful as he looked down to the floor. He dropped to his knees and thought he might throw up as he looked over the body that had been deposited in his cell. 

Cloud Strife lay in front of him. He was broken and bruised, but still breathing. 

Zack gathered the boy in his arms and held him against his chest, sobbing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OOOOFFFFFF. The angst begins!
> 
> Hi there! Thanks for reading! I'm absolutely in love with this pairing, and I'm excited to really flesh out this relationship. I truly appreciate every single view! As always, I REALLY appreciate comments from you! They really help me know what you guys want, and they always help encourage me to write more! You all are the best, and I can't wait to have another chapter ready to post! Thanks again!


	3. Fever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A reunion.

Cloud had never expected to have to face Sephiroth, especially not in his own hometown. Sephiroth, the SOLDIER first class that Cloud had looked up to, the man that he wanted to be like. The man that had betrayed him and everyone he cared about. When Zack had given him the order to finish the man off, Cloud had drawn his sword without hesitation.

The pain that rocked his body when Sephiroth impaled him with Masamune was incredible. It had shocked him. His vision had immediately gone spotty, he couldn’t draw a full breath, and for a moment his muscles stopped functioning. Despite all of this, he had still tried. He had fought with every ounce of the strength left in his body to bring Sephiroth down. 

He had done what was asked of him, and accepted his death. 

Being dead wasn’t supposed to hurt. That was the first thought that went through his mind when he came to, in a dark room that he didn’t recognize. His body was on fire, he couldn’t draw a full breath, and all of his muscles were twitching at different times. He tried to sit up, to find a lightswitch, when he realized he was strapped to the bed he was laying on. Terror struck him, and he began to thrash against the restraints, only intensifying the pain he was feeling. 

“Wouldn’t do that if I was you, baby boy.” A gloved hand pressed down on his chest, forcing him back to the bed. He wasn’t strong enough to fight, and too scared to want to try. 

“R..Reno,” he croaked. His throat was dry. The Turk held a glass to his lips, allowing Cloud to drink until he sputtered. 

“You got it, kid. The one and only, yo. Sent by Shinra to watch you, take you where they want when they want, and otherwise keep you in check. Judging by the state you’re in, shouldn’t be much work. Better keep still, baby boy. That wound needs some serious time. No amount of heal materia could keep it closed long enough to convince the doctors it didn’t need stitched up. So that means no fighting with me. I won’t hesitate to cheap shot you. Don’t forget it.” Reno walked out of the room, the click of a lock following him. Something stung his arm; he looked down to see an IV connected to the inside of his elbow, and a man dressed all in white with a syringe, pushing something into the tube. He barely had time to cry out before the drugs put him to sleep.

He never got comfortable with the way the doctors would treat him. It never hurt any less. He was never less afraid of the needles. There was never any less pain. He got sick after every “treatment”, left alone on the cold concrete floor, laying next to his own vomit until Reno came by to check on him. The Turk couldn’t stand vomit. Cloud found some satisfaction in this, and took joy in the times Reno was “escorting”, or rather dragging, him back to his cell and he would throw up on the Turk’s shoes. The third time this happened, Reno hit him with his electro-mag rod. Cloud had screamed, a sound had exited his body that he didn’t know he could still make. The pain stuck around for hours; every muscle fiber on fire, every nerve ending a bomb going off.

It was at this point he had begun to cry for Zack in his sleep. 

Sleep became waking hours. As the tests and infusions became more painful, as the side effects grew worse, his asking for Zack increased. He noticed after particularly bad sessions, Reno would hang around his cell a little bit longer, leave the door open for just a few seconds after Cloud walked in, Reno watching him take a seat on the floor instead of locking it right away. 

He formulated a plan, and waited. 

He escaped long enough to see that Zack was alive. Seeing him strapped to a table like his had hurt Cloud. He had felt like his chest was going to explode. There were a million things he wanted to say to Zack, to tell him he had missed him, that they had to escape, that he lov--

Reno hit him with the electro-mag rod and held it there. The pain was unimaginable. He screamed until his lungs stopped working, dropped to the ground as soon as the rod was deactivated, muscles unable to contract enough to keep him upright. He heard Zack yelling, but everything sounded as if he was underwater. Reno tapped the rod to his chest and activated the rod again. Another wave of pain, loss of control of his body. The last thing he saw before he passed out was a white coat pressing a needle to Zack’s neck.

Reno had damaged his nerves. That’s what the doctor had said. He couldn’t walk, he could barely use his hands, he had lost control of his own body. The report that was filed stated Reno had used “appropriate force”, that the subject had been out of control and he had done what was necessary to protect Shinra employees. Testing went on as scheduled, Cloud was sedated even more heavily than before, even though he couldn’t fight back. The control would come back to him slowly, the doctor had said. Cloud continued to ask for Zack. He cried out in his sleep for him, when sleep came. He answered any questions with “where’s Zack?” whenever asked. 

A particularly bad day of tests and infusions had left him in so much pain that he was delirious. He burned with fever, threw up every five minutes, and sweated like he was running a marathon. The doctors continued taking notes until they had everything they wanted. Reno had been called back into the room to take Cloud back to his cell. He had known when he looked at Cloud from across the room that the boy wouldn’t be able to stand, let alone walk. He had undone the restraints and picked Cloud up, one arm under his legs and the other supporting his back. He had flinched when he lifted the boy, lighter than Reno could have imagined, spine and ribs jutting out from beneath his skin. Cloud had never been a large human, built more like Reno than anyone else, but he had always been healthy. He turned to take Cloud back when the boy started mumbling.

“Zack,” he said quietly. “I’m so… sorry. I didn’t want… I just wanted to tell you before I died. Zack. Please, Zack.” Tears rolled down his cheeks, and Reno found his eyes stinging in a way he hadn’t felt in a long time. He had placed the boy back on the floor and went to his supervisor. An hour later, he was back. He unlocked the door and picked the boy up again, almost laughing at Cloud’s weak attempt to fight him off. 

“It’s okay,” he whispered. “No more tests today.”

“Z-ack,” Cloud mumbled. 

“Yeah, yeah. I know, baby boy.” Cloud faded out on consciousness again. Reno held him a little tighter to his chest for the rest of the walk to Zack’s cell.

He woke up to the sounds of someone crying. 

Zack couldn’t believe how light Cloud felt as he held him against his chest. He was so thin, so bruised. His cheekbones were sharper than ever, and his skin burned with fever. His body twitched involuntarily, and Zack wondered if this was the effect of a drug or electrocution. He tucked the boy’s head under his chin, sobbing as quietly as he could, trying not to disturb Cloud. 

He felt a hand grasp his shirt and he looked down. 

“Cloud?”

“Is it… is it really you, Zack?” 

Zack stopped caring how loudly he was crying and pulled the boy closer to him.

“Yeah, I’m right here, buddy. I’m right here.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GUYS. Thank you so much for reading and commenting! You are all the absolute best. Please, keep commenting and telling me your thoughts and feelings! I love the feedback, and I love building relationships with you! I'm excited to keep fleshing these characters out, and delve even deeper in to the twisted world of Shinra and Professor Hojo, while continuing to foster this pairing! I'm trying to get chapters out as fast as I can, but I do work in a hospital and things are a little crazy right now! I promise to keep writing and posting as much as I can, and I can assure you, I won't abandon this story. Again, thank you for your support, kudos and comments! Happy reading!


	4. Hope

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The things we do for love.

It was the first time that Cloud had been able to sleep peacefully since he had woken up after fighting Sephiroth. He had wanted to talk to Zack, to comfort the man who was crying, but sleep had claimed him instead. Zack was glad. He needed time to process the state of his friend, and his own feelings. 

The relief he had felt when he realized it was Cloud laying on the floor was almost tangible. He felt immediately lighter, like he could breathe for the first time since seeing Cloud when he was strapped to the treatment table. 

The shock, guilt and anger came after. The condition of the boy’s body made him wonder how long they had been trapped here. How long did it take a body to lose as much mass as Cloud’s had? How long did it take for bruises to turn from deep purple to yellow? Cloud was covered in both shades. How hot did a fever have to burn before it was dangerous? He knew he had learned these things in SOLDIER training, but seeing them in real life had made him doubt that his training was correct. He was scared that the boy was going to die in his arms, that he would fall asleep and Cloud would go, without someone there to tell him it was okay. 

The feeling that all of this was his fault kept clawing at Zack’s stomach. He had ordered Cloud to do a job that he had failed at. If he had just admitted defeat, pulled them back, and gone back to command, he could have saved Cloud from suffering. But he had been too proud. He wanted to take down Sephiroth, he wanted revenge for the actions the man had taken. He had selfishly sent the boy to do what he could not. 

Did he think he was replaceable? No. The opposite. 

“Do you love him?” Reno’s words echoed in his mind.

He knew the answer right away when he was asked. Then why had he sent him to face Sephiroth? The best of the best of SOLDIER?

He was angry at Sephiroth, at Shinra. He was angry at Hojo and Reno. But more than anything, he was angry at himself. 

He would save Cloud, regardless of the cost.

As the boy slept in his arms, Zack surveyed the rest of his body. He grimaced with every bruise, wondering what he had done to earn so many. He smiled to himself, remembering that Cloud had always been one to fight his own battles. He was sure he had given the scientists in the lab absolute hell, until they had beaten him and over sedated him. Reno said he had been crying out for Zack in his sleep; how long had that been going on? Had it been since he had woken up? Or just since he had had the fight beaten out of him? Zack wasn’t sure which was worse. 

“Oh, Cloud. I’m so so sorry.” He sobbed again, pulling the boy a little closer to his chest. There was a knock on the bars and Zack looked up to see Reno standing at the door, two trays of what Zack could only assume was food balanced in one hand. How long had it been since Cloud had been fed? With the other hand, he unlocked the door to the cell. He stepped inside and set the trays on the concrete bench before squatting down next to Zack. 

“How’s he doing?” the redhead asked softly. Zack laughed. 

“Why do you care, Reno? I saw what you did to him. I can only guess what you watched them do.” The Turk dropped his gaze to the floor, speaking even more quietly. 

“I’m sorry, Zack. It’s my job.” 

Zack sighed. “He’s sleeping. He’s got a fever. And he’s never been this thin.” Reno nodded.

“Yeah, he started refusing to eat a few days after his first infusion. Didn’t stop him from puking all over the place, all the time. They’ve been putting some sort of calorie and hydration mix in when he gets… treatment, but he’s been losing weight. Wouldn’t sleep, either. Can’t say I blame him, knowing what he wakes up to.”

“You’re a part of that, you know? The things he’s scared of.”

“Yeah, well, he’s not the only one losing sleep. Get some food in him. I’ll report him as not eating so he still gets supplementation.” Reno stood, turning towards the door. 

“Why are you helping him?” Zack asked. Reno stopped, but didn’t turn around. 

“I’m not a monster, Zack. Just a Turk.” He unlocked the door and left, making sure it was locked behind him. Zack let Cloud rest for a few more moments, then began to gently shake him. 

“Cloud,” he said. “Cloud, come on, wake up.” The boy’s eyes started to flutter open, and Zack smiled at him.

“Zack,” he said weakly. “You’re really here?” Zack nodded, brushing blonde hair out of the boy’s eyes.

“Yeah, buddy, I’m here. And we have to get some food in you now, okay? You’re looking pretty thin, even for you.” Cloud blinked slowly, taking in what Zack was saying.

“Was it… was I dreaming? Where are we?”

“It wasn’t a dream, Cloud. We’re still here. The lab. Wherever it is.” He gently sat Cloud up against the wall, heart breaking when he winced with the movement. He grabbed one of the trays Reno had left, sitting back on the floor in front of him. Cloud stared blankly at the wall behind Zack, expressionless. “Hey, Cloud,” he said, the boy’s gaze shifting back to meet Zack’s eyes, “you hungry, buddy?”

“No.” Zack frowned.

“You have to eat something, Cloud. Your bones are sticking out.”

“I don’t want to eat, Zack. I’m just going to get sick again anyway. They’re just going to get mad at me again. They always do. I just… I just want them to leave me alone. I don’t want the man that stands in the corner to beat the shit out of me again.” Zack clenched his fist as Cloud spoke. He assumed it was a man like the one hired to control him, if he needed it, someone who found joy in beating up those who couldn’t fight back. 

“Hey,” he said quietly. “You have to eat. Seriously.” he put a piece of bread in Cloud’s hand, pushing it gently towards him. “Please, Cloud. If you won’t do it for you, do it for me. I hate seeing you like this.” he was getting desperate, chest tightening once again at the thought of losing him. A tear escaped his eye, falling from his face to the ground. 

Cloud put the piece of bread against his lips and took a bite. He continued to eat, realizing how hungry he actually was. He pulled the tray closer to himself, finishing all the food quickly. Zack stood again, retrieving his tray from the bench. He replaced the tray in front of Cloud with his, and Cloud’s eyes snapped up to meet his. 

“That’s yours,” Cloud said. Zack smiled at him and reached a hand out to gently ruffle his hair. Cloud smiled back weakly.

“Nah,” Zack said. “I’m not hungry. Promise.” 

He thought maybe he would be able to sleep through the night as he watched Cloud clear the second tray.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi again! Thank you guys SO MUCH for your support of this story! I’m having a blast writing it, and an even better time reading your responses! As always, I would LOVE if you would drop me a comment! Let me know what you think! Thanks for reading!


	5. Hurt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The reunion is bittersweet at best.

He had fallen asleep again after he ate. Zack sat across the room from him, staring. Cloud looked almost peaceful as he slept, but fear would flash across his features. Zack frowned. Sleep should’ve been a reprieve for the boy, but it seemed that he couldn’t escape Shinra, even in his dreams. There was still a shadow of blood across his forehead, forcing Zack to relive their nightmare reunion. He wondered if Cloud had been able to shower since the incident. He crawled across the floor to the boy, gently nudging him awake once again. 

“Cloud, wake up. Come on, buddy. Can’t have you keeping me awake all night ‘cuz you slept all day!” Cloud frowned, then flicked Zack in the forehead.

“Like I could keep you awake. Once you’ve decided you’re sleeping, it’s like trying to raise the dead.” Cloud smiled at him, but Zack could see the fear that still remained in his eyes. 

_I would stay awake forever if it meant keeping you safe_.

Zack smiled back, standing up in front of Cloud. 

“How long has it been since you showered?” Cloud dropped his eyes to the floor. 

“Not sure, to be honest. Haven’t been able to stand since… “ he trailed off, but he didn’t have to finish his sentence for Zack to know exactly what he was going to say. Reno.

“Son of a bitch,” he muttered under his breath. Cloud shrugged.

“He’s not all bad. Not really. He’s been… nicer than the others, I guess.” Zack smiled at him, not wanting to think about how others had been worse to him. 

“Well, are you feeling like you can stand now?” he asked. Cloud smiled at him, a real smile, and Zack’s chest hurt in a completely new way. 

“I can try,” the boy said. Zack smiled back, dropping into a crouch and pulling Cloud to his feet. Once he was sure that the blonde’s feet were solidly under him, he took one hand away, eyes on Cloud’s. He moved the other so that it was just floating under his arm, ready to catch him if he started to fall. “I think I’m okay,” he said quietly. Zack nodded and stepped back, waiting for Cloud to step forward. He lifted his foot and tried to move, but cried out in pain and collapsed. Zack caught him before he hit the floor, standing back up with Cloud pulled into his chest. He was horrified when he felt him shake, and saddened when he heard a quiet sob escape from his lips.

“Cloud!? What’s wrong?”

“I’m sorry, Zack. I’m sorry.”

“Hey, hey… there’s nothing to be sorry for. You got zapped pretty hard. It’s great that you can just stand! It’s going to keep getting better, okay? Give yourself some time! Come on, let’s get you in the shower.” Cloud shook his head slowly.

“Zack, I can’t. There’s no way I can stand long enough. It’s okay. What’s a few more days?”

“Come on, Cloud. You’ll feel better, I promise. Let me help you.”

“Zack, you can’t-” Zack gently pushed Cloud’s chin up so that their eyes met. 

“Let me help you,” he repeated again. 

Cloud nodded, a soft movement. Zack wanted to reach out and ruffle the boy’s hair again, but he thought better of it. He was already embarrassed, vulnerable. “Think you can walk with my help?” he asked. 

“I want to try,” the boy replied. Zack continued to hold on to him, but moved to his side. Cloud draped his arm across the taller man’s shoulders, and Zack grabbed the waistband of his laboratory issued pants, giving them a gentle tug upwards to provide him with some support. Slowly, they made their way to the shower room. It was less than 50 feet, but he could feel Cloud shaking with the effort of moving even that far. Zack sat him down on the bench inside the room. The shower water came in from a corner of the room, and there was no spout. There were no handles for the water, either. Early on, Zack had determined this was to keep prisoners from removing the items from the wall to use as weapons. He was furious, and somehow impressed. He walked over to the panel that activated the water and set the temperature. Once he was satisfied, he walked back over to where Cloud sat. He looked worse than he had several minutes ago, and Zack wondered if the walk had been too much. As if he could read Zack’s thoughts, the boy spoke, staring at the floor.

“Sorry,” he said quietly. “I guess that was almost too much for me.” Zack shrugged. 

“We made it here, and that’s what matters. Now come on, let’s get you in the water. Hate to tell you this, buddy, but you stink.” he wrinkled his nose to reinforce the statement, and Cloud laughed quietly. Zack’s breath caught, and he tried to remember the last time he had heard the sound of Cloud’s laughter. He wondered what he would have to do to hear it again. 

He gently tugged upwards on Cloud’s shirt and every muscle in the boy’s body tensed at the same time. 

“Zack!?” The SOLDIER laughed at the expression that flashed across Cloud’s face. 

“Well you can’t shower fully clothed, can you? That’d make for a damn cold night. So come on, let’s go!” 

“Zack, I --” Zack pulled off his own shirt, interrupting whatever Cloud was about to say. He squatted in front of Cloud again, determined. 

“Cloud, let me help you. Please.” _Because this is all my fault_. The boy nodded, pulling his shirt swiftly over his head. Zack hissed, shocked at the state of Cloud’s body. There were deep bruises on his sides, covering most of his ribs, which were prominent enough to be counted. His spine was clearly visible as well. But the marking that worried him the most was the angry sutured wound in the middle of his chest. “Buddy, what happened there?” he asked quietly. Cloud’s eyes met his, and Zack found anger in his friend’s face for the first time since they had been reunited.

“Sephiroth,” he stated. He turned slightly so that he could see the exit wound Masamune had left. It was everything Zack could do to keep himself from sinking to the ground and throwing up. He had sent Cloud to die, and it had almost happened. 

He didn’t deserve Cloud, no matter what his feelings for the boy were. 

He stood back up, wiping away a silent tear that had managed to escape his eye. He unceremoniously removed his own pants and underwear, then gently removed Cloud’s, standing him up slightly to work the clothing down over his hips. 

“Do you want to walk over to the water?” he asked. His voice was hoarse, filled with sadness, anger, and something else he couldn’t quite identify. Cloud tried to push himself up to a standing position from the bench, body trembling with effort. He let himself back down with a groan.

“I can’t, Zack. I’m --”

“Please don’t say sorry again, Cloud. Please.” Zack was making no effort to keep his tears hidden now, and he reached out a finger to brush along the wound that marred the boy’s pale skin. He looked as though he was going to say something more, but then thought better of it and instead picked Cloud up gently, walking to the corner of the corner of the room that the water fell from. He sat Cloud down, retrieved a bar of soap, and began to clean him up. Dried blood met water and streamed down his body, and a sob tore it’s way through Zack’s lips. He washed Cloud’s hair and gently cleaned the sword wound, making sure that every part of him was well rinsed. He handed Cloud the bar quietly, and the boy finished washing. Zack carried him back to the bench without a word, handing him a towel to dry off with, then went back to the corner and turned the temperature of the water up, hoping to burn the terrible feeling trapped inside of his chest out. He washed and turned the water off, crying quietly to himself, trying to keep Cloud from hearing. He dried himself off and redressed, then helped Cloud back into his clothes. He again picked him up, and carried him back to the main room. He sat him down on the mat they had been sleeping on, then sat on the bench. He almost smiled as he looked over at Cloud, his blonde hair standing up in spikes even when it was wet. Cloud looked up at him, then spoke words that Zack was certain would haunt him for the rest of his days:

“Please don’t be mad at me, Zack.” 

Without a sound, he came to sit by Cloud and pulled him into his chest, holding him there as tightly as he dared. 

Cloud began to weep, and Zack wished they both had died fighting Sephiroth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys SO MUCH for reading and for sticking with this story! I think there are a ton of themes to be explored here, and I am loving writing this! Your comments are KEEPING ME GOING, Y'ALL. It's so much fun to get real feedback from you. It definitely makes updating so much easier, and so much more exciting! Thank you again, and thanks for being patient with my crazy hospital schedule! Updates may be sporadic, but I'm looking to (hopefully) update every other day or so! PLEASE, let me know what you think of new chapters! Stay healthy and safe! <3


	6. Retribution

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We pay a price for the people we save.

Zack fell asleep sitting against the wall, once Cloud had fallen asleep with his head in his lap. He had traced lazy patterns over the boy’s chest to calm him down after he had cried himself out.

Neither one of them spoke a word. 

Zack wasn’t sure how much time had passed when he woke to the sound of the door to the cell being unlocked. It was Reno, bringing new trays of food and picking up the empties. 

“Is that all it takes to be able to sleep around here?” He asked Zack. “Some Zack Fair cuddle action? Because I’ll tell you what, pretty boy, I’m willing to try just about anything at this point.” 

“Get close enough to try. Dare you.”

“So much hostility, damn.”

“He still can’t walk because of you, Reno. So excuse me if I’m not willing to try and solve your problems right now.”

“My job, pretty boy. I told you.” Zack scoffed.

“Whatever you say.”

Reno pinched the bridge of his nose, breathing deeply. 

“How’s he doing?” He asked quietly. Zack found himself drawing light shapes across Cloud’s collarbones again. The boy sighed in his sleep, and Zack smiled.

“I don’t know, Reno. I don’t know. He ate. He showered. He cried. I don’t know.”

“Well, he looks better than when we brought him in. That’s something.” Zack swallowed, mouth filling with saliva in response to the nausea he felt when he thought of what Cloud must have looked like when he was retrieved by the Shinra team. 

A flick to his forehead brought him back to the present. He looked down to find Cloud rubbing his eyes, sleepiness still painted across his facial features. The SOLDIER smiled, reaching his hand down and ruffling the boy’s hair. Reno set the trays he was carrying down on the bench and squatted down as Cloud pushed himself into a seated position.

“Heya, baby boy. You look better today. How are you feelin’?” 

“Better, I think. Tired. Maybe hungry?” Reno nodded.

“Well, I brought food for you both, so we can take care of that.” He stood and retrieved the trays, handing one to Cloud and the other to Zack. Cloud quickly took a bite. Zack watched him for a moment, then began to eat his food. Reno nodded at him, unlocking the cell door to leave. He spoke before pulling the door open, but without turning around. “They’re suspending your treatment for two days, baby boy. Rest up. Zack, I tried, but… they’ll be here for you in a while.” he left, locking the door behind him. Cloud dropped his tray, the sound making him jump. His hands began to shake, and his breathing became quick and shallow. Zack set his tray down on the floor and knelt in front of Cloud.

“Hey, it’s going to be okay. I’m going to be fine. I’m going to come back, okay? I’ll always come back to you. I promise. Nothing is going to change that.” He sat his hand on top of Cloud’s knee, squeezing gently. “You just need to focus on feeling better, buddy. And the first step is to finish that food, okay?” He smiled at Cloud, pushing his food back towards him. The boy picked up a piece of bread and started eating again, not speaking a word. Zack took his spot beside him, finishing his own food. They both sat in silence for a while, dread beginning to overtake Cloud. Zack saw his hands begin to shake out of the corner of his eye. 

Zack reached over and placed his hand in one of Cloud’s laced his fingers through the boy’s. He stopped shaking and lay his head on Zack’s shoulder.

“Always?” Cloud asked quietly. Zack nodded. 

_ I don’t deserve you, _ he thought. He squeezed Cloud’s hand gently. 

“Always.” 

“Zack, I… nevermind. I’m sorry.” he turned his face into Zack’s shoulder, and he felt warm moisture leak though his shirt to his skin. He wondered how much more his heart could break before he broke down. 

“Cloud,” he whispered. “We’re going to make it out of here, okay?” He squeezed Cloud’s hand again, and pressed his face into Cloud’s hair. They sat like this for a while, just breathing. They heard two sets of footsteps approaching the cell, and Zack knew it meant that he would be forced to leave Cloud for a while. He took a risk and pressed his lips to the boy’s head. Cloud squeezed his hand and sighed. 

“Don’t break your promise,” Cloud said through tears. Zack stood up slowly, hanging on to Cloud’s hand until he heard the click of the cell door unlocking. 

“I won’t, buddy.” Zack smiled at him, then turned to walk to the cell door where his escort was waiting. He was surprised to see Reno standing next to Rude, the Turk who took him to and from the treatment room. Zack frowned at the redhead. “What are you doing here?” Reno rolled his eyes. 

“None of your business, Pretty Boy. You’ve got somewhere to be.” Rude took Zack by the arm, pulling him gently in the direction of the treatment room. 

“Reno, I swear if you --” Reno waved him off.

“Not a monster, Zack.” Rude continued to lead him toward the room he dreaded. He watched Reno open the door to the cell, stepping inside and closing it behind him. 

Zack walked into the brightly lit room, pulling off his shirt and pants. The large man who stood in the corner led him to the table, strapping him down much tighter than usual. 

“Hey, take it easy there, yeah?” Zack squirmed under the pressure of the restraints, fingers already going numb. 

“There will be nothing easy about today, Subject Fair.” Zack knew who the voice belonged to before seeing the man’s body. 

Hojo walked around the table, smiling at Zack as it was reclined. The SOLDIER’s blood felt suddenly cold, and he found fear washing over his body. Hojo held a scalpel in one hand, and a bot floated behind him, probes, needles and scissors all trained on Zack. A lab assistant jabbed a needle under his skin, fishing for several moments before finding a vein. A drip was started, and Zack winced as the burning sensation returned to his body. 

“Treatment and testing today, Subject Fair, along with port insertion for future use. Unfortunately, there will be no anesthetic use, as it may interfere with the drugs you are currently being infused with.” Sweat appeared on Zack’s skin, his heart rate increased, and his breath quickened. Another drug was pushed into his IV, the burning in his veins intensified. Hojo wiped the skin beneath Zack’s collarbone with an alcohol pad, then pressed his scalpel to the skin, Zack squirming as the blade cut. Hojo pushed deeper through the tissues, eliciting a small cry from Zack. Hojo smiled. 

“This room is connected to your cell via a PA system. Please keep in mind that anything you say, any sound you make, Subject Strife will hear.” He stuck a gloved finger into the wound he had made, pulling the tissues apart. Zack started to cry out again, then thought of Cloud and bit down on his lip, hard enough to draw blood, but also hard enough to silence himself. Hojo laughed, a terrible high-pitched sound. “How delightful,” he said. “You may begin bone marrow aspiration,” he motioned to the robot at his size, which floated across the table and positioned itself at Zack’s hip. An assistant pulled his underwear down, completely exposing him. The needle probe moved closer to the skin, and Zack pulled his body away as much as he could. Hojo wagged his blood covered finger at Zack. “Tsk, tsk, Subject Fair. Your cooperation is required. If it is not given, it will be taken.” he nodded to the large guard, who pulled his electro-mag rod from its holster. 

“ _...please keep in mind that anything you say, any sound you make, Subject Strife will hear. _ ” The phrase had followed a cry of pain that Cloud had heard clearly. The Professor’s voice had confirmed what he had feared; the sound had come from Zack. Reno had helped him stand when he had entered the cell, but Cloud found himself sinking to the floor now. Reno’s red hair was in front of him, but he couldn’t focus on the man or anything he was saying. There was so much sound. Hojo talking. The sound of struggle. “ _ Your cooperation is required. If it is not given, it will be taken. _ ” A buzzing sound that Cloud was all too familiar with. A discharge.

The man pressed the rod to Zack’s ribs. Hojo removed his hands from Zack’s skin, and he knew what was coming. He braced himself for the pain, but it wasn’t enough. The man held the weapon to his skin, and Zack felt as though he was being ripped apart from the inside. He couldn’t help the scream that escaped from between his lips. 

“Very good,” said Hojo. “Continue.” The needle pierced the skin of his hip, and Hojo continued working on placing the port beneath his collarbone. Zack barely registered the man placing the small cylindrical device in the wound, too focused on trying to keep himself quiet for Cloud’s sake. The needle continued to drive slowly through his muscle, then struck bone. Zack shook with the effort of not screaming, of not torturing the boy sitting in his cell. The bot pushed the needle forcefully, driving it into the bone. 

Cloud pressed his hands to his ears as hard as he could, rocking back and forth on the ground. Reno knelt in front of him, hands on Cloud’s shoulders. 

“Baby boy, he’s going to be okay. He’s gonna make it. Come on, baby boy. Stay with me.” he pulled Cloud to his chest, sitting back on the ground.

Zack screamed and thrashed against the machine. Hojo smirked as he crudely sutured the port wound shut. The needle reached the marrow of the bone and the bot began to aspirate, the syringe attached to the needle filling with dark liquid. The pressure was incredible. He continued to scream as Hojo applied a dressing to the port site. Zack’s voice was rough and raw, tears were streaming from his eyes. The syringe was filled, and the needle withdrawn. He struggled against the restraint again, and was met with another assault from the electro-mag rod.

“I’m so sorry, Cloud!” he yelled. The world went dark around him. 

Cloud screamed into Reno’s chest, while the Turk held him. He ran one hand through Cloud’s blonde hair, the other holding him tightly. 

“He’s going to make it, baby boy. He’s going to be okay.” He wasn’t sure how many times he repeated the words. He wasn’t sure if he was trying to convince Cloud or himself that the words were true. 

_ Come on, Fair. Don’t make me a liar. _

He was convinced it was Zack’s screams that would keep him awake at night now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AH! Finally Hojo enters. A fitting entrance, I think! THANK YOU GUYS FOR READING!!! Thank you even more for the kudos and comments! I'm loving hearing your reactions. I can't wait to keep talking to you all about this story as it continues! Thank you again, and I hope you are loving this unfold as much as I am. I know we have taken Reno a little out of his game portrayed character here, especially when it comes to the interactions he has with Cloud. Don't worry, it will be remedied in a fitting way! Again, let me know what you think!


	7. Confession

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The worst brings out the best.
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING: Mention of Suicide/Suicidal Though

“A little too early for you to be here, don’t you think?” Zack heard the voice, but couldn’t identify where it was coming from. He tried to open his eyes, only to find himself surrounded by darkness. 

Where was he?

“Get it together, Zack. You were trained for more than this. I trained you for more than this.” 

Angeal. 

“I’m so tired, Angeal. So tired. How am I supposed to be more? What am I supposed to do?”

A laugh echoed through the darkness, heavy and light all at once. The sound warmed Zack, light breaking though at the edges of his vision. 

“Defend your honor as a SOLDIER, Zack. Hang on, and protect those you love.” 

Zack smiled.

“Thanks, Angeal.” A tear pricked the corner of Zack’s eye and he took a deep breath. 

I’m ready. 

Light exploded all around him, and Zack was thrust back into reality. His body was shaking, and he was freezing. Pain, more than he thought existed in the world, wracked his body. He felt weak. Water fell on his face, and he wondered briefly if he had been disposed of, deemed dead and tossed out like garbage. More water, followed by a sob. He opened his eyes slowly, the light assaulting. The first thing he saw was Cloud’s face, his eyes wet and wide with worry. 

“Zack!? Zack, come on, stay with me. Please, Zack. Don’t go. Reno!? Reno help, I don’t know what to do!” A flash of red passed in front of Zack, his vision shifting in and out of focus. His heart was pounding in his ears. He couldn’t breathe, his lungs burning with the effort of holding air.

“Gotta sit him up, baby boy. He needs to move air. Come on, take that side. Hey, look at me. It’s going to be okay. Ready? Three, two, one—“ Zack was hoisted up by the two men, the change in the position of his body rocking him with pain. He drew a sharp breath, too deep, and started coughing. A strong hand clapped him on the back repeatedly. “Cough it out, come on. You gotta get some air in those lungs, yo. Baby boy, grab the water, okay? And that cloth.” He continued to cough until he had to turn his head to spit, mouth full of phlegm. He heard Reno gag and almost laughed. Cloud knelt in front of him, and his focus shifted to the blonde. Cloud pushed the cup of water he was holding up to Zack’s lips. He drank, the liquid refreshing. He pulled his lips away when he was done, smiling softly at the boy. Cloud pressed his hand softly to the side of Zack’s face, staring intently at him. He leaned in to the boy’s hand, sighing softly. Reno stood, brushing the front of his suit off. “I’d better go, Cloud. Don’t want anyone to get suspicious. I’ll check in later. Stay awake, pretty boy. Sick of worrying over you.” Zack heard the familiar click of the cell door, and Reno was gone. Zack turned his focus back to Cloud, whose hand was still touching his cheek.

“Hey buddy,” Zack said. His voice was hoarse, rough from the coughing fit. A tear slid down Cloud’s face and he took a shaky breath. The skin under his eyes was dark and sunken, almost the shade of a black eye, but there was too much uniformity in the color to have come from an injury. 

“I thought...Zack...you, what Hojo did…” he moved in closer, pressing his forehead to Zack’s. “I thought you were dead.” Zack closed his eyes slowly, breathing in and out at a measured pace. 

Protect those you love. 

He brought a hand up to Cloud’s cheek, letting his fingertips brush lazily across the boy’s skin. He let a breathy sob escape his lips and Zack wiped a tear from under his eye. 

“I’ll always come back to you, remember? You’re stuck with me.” Cloud laughed, his little smile making Zack feel a little less like he was going to die in this place. 

Do you love him? Reno’s question echoed through his head again. Yes. He smiled back at Cloud weakly, brushing a few strands of blonde hair out of his face. “Stuck with me, okay? Don’t forget that.” The boy sat back on his heels, worry flashing across his features. 

Zack prefered his smile.

“How long was I out?” Zack asked. Cloud shrugged. 

“I don’t really know. Reno said they were leaving me alone for the two days, and they’ve taken me eight times now. So, ten days? I think.” He stood up, offering Zack his hand. “Do you want to try to get up?” Zack beamed at him.

“Ten days… fuck. I’m sorry, Cloud. Hey! You can stand! That’s great!” he reached up, grabbing the boy’s hand. Cloud pulled him gently to a stand, and Zack nearly fell forward into him. The boy stepped quickly under his arm, propping him up. The SOLDIER winced, putting his left foot down gingerly. His hip ached, making it hard to stand. 

“Take it easy, Zack. You’ve been down a while. Do you want to shower?” He nodded. 

“Yeah, thanks. Hey Cloud, what was Reno doing here?” 

“Checking in.”

“Why?”

“Because, Zack. We weren’t sure if you were going to make it. And I wouldn’t know what to do if something had gone wrong.” He was getting frustrated. Zack kept pushing. 

“Cloud, you got the same training I did. You know exactly what to do.” Cloud sat Zack down on the bench inside of the shower room, huffing in exasperation. He was growing increasingly frustrated, and Zack needed to know why.

“I forgot, okay?” the boy said to him. His voice was shaking. 

“Bullshit, Cloud! Tell me what’s going on!” Zack yelled. Cloud flinched, and he instantly regretted the tone of his voice. 

“I told him I’d kill myself if you died, Zack. That’s the truth. Happy?” Cloud spoke quietly, then turned and walked to the shower panel, setting the water temperature. Zack sat in shock. He forced himself to think about what had just been said. Cloud walked back to him, pulling off his own clothing before helping Zack do the same. His eyes fixed on the angry wound beneath the SOLDIER’s clavicle, wincing. “I heard everything, Zack. Everything. Hojo, you, everyone in that room with you. Every single sound. And then you said sorry? You screamed sorry at me. You screamed sorry, then there wasn’t anything else. You didn’t make any more sound and I thought you were dead. Reno was here. He was here listening to me scream and cry. He was here trying to keep me from losing my mind. I hit him. Over and over and over again. He sat there and let me. And when they brought you back in here, hooked up to blood and not moving, he held me. And I told him if you died I would kill myself. Regardless of what I had to do. I shouted it at him. I lost it, Zack, and Reno held me. He told me he wouldn’t let me. And he told me you were going to make it. He told me you wouldn’t leave me alone. So that’s what he was doing here, okay?” He spoke as he helped Zack over to the water, trying to keep as much pressure off of his left leg as he could. The man processed Cloud’s words silently, refusing to break down in front of him. “Sit or stand?” Cloud asked. 

“Stand,” Zack said. Cloud nodded and stepped away from him, hand hovering under his elbow. “I’m okay,” he said, eyes locking with the blonde. “Cloud, I’m okay.” The boy held a bar of soap out to him silently. He took it, washing his skin off gingerly. His fingers passed over the sutured port site and he shivered, thinking about what terrible things that small cylinder would be filled with in the future. It was slightly warm to the touch, but Zack didn’t think it was enough to raise any concern of infection. He finished washing himself up, then stood under the water until he sensed Cloud moving. 

“All done?” the boy asked.

“Yeah.” Cloud turned the water off, then resumed his position under Zack’s arm, guiding him back to the shower room bench, passing him his clothes back. He dressed then stood up on his own, waiting for Cloud. The two of them walked slowly back to the main cell, where Zack sat down on the bench. Cloud passed him a tray of food silently, sitting against the wall with his own. 

“Cloud--”

“I don’t want to talk about it, Zack.”

“Cloud if I die here--”

“STOP!”

Zack slammed his tray down beside him.

“If I die here, you have to go on! You have to get the fuck out of here!”

“What would be the point without you!? Where the fuck would I go!? Do you think if I got out here I would get anywhere!?”

“The point without me!? What does that mean Cloud!?” He was yelling at the boy at this point. 

Cloud shrunk against the wall, withdrawing into himself. He finished eating and set his tray down, moving on to the mat they slept on. He laid down, facing the wall. Zack took heavy breaths, trying to to calm himself down. He moved to the mat as well, sitting next to Cloud.

“Hey, buddy. Listen, I’m… I’m sorry for yelling, okay? I can’t think of you… I can’t really imagine you not existing anymore. Especially like that.” He put his hand on Cloud’s shoulder, finding that the boy was trembling.

“Then it shouldn’t be so hard for you to understand what I’m saying,” he said through a sob. “There wouldn’t be a point if you were gone, Zack. There wouldn’t be anything left.”

“There’s everyone still out there, Cloud. There’s life and freedom, and I just don’t understand what you mean.”  
  


“Go to sleep, Zack.” 

“Cloud, come on, what-“

“I love you, okay? Happy? I don’t want to live in a world that you don’t also exist in. So I hope it’s me that goes first.” 

Zack began to sob.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you ALL SO MUCH for reading. I am so sorry this chapter is late! Things got a bit wild for me at work! I hope you think the chapter is worth the wait! Things are going to start to get pretty intense, and I can’t wait to hear what you guys think. Please, continue to comment and let me know how the chapter hit you! I’m so grateful for all of you and your support for this fic!


	8. Confession

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fear holds us back.

It had been a week since Cloud had told Zack how he felt. A week, and Zack had said next to nothing to him. They had been left alone for the most part, men in white coats only coming in to check on the SOLDIER, drawing labs and leaving. There were no treatments. Reno came and went with food, occasionally staying to have a quiet conversation with Cloud. He would occasionally look over at Zack, frowning. He would always smile at Cloud before leaving, the boy wearing a smile on his face as well. 

Zack hated himself for letting Reno be the one that made Cloud smile. 

Cloud had confessed, and he had cried. He hadn’t said a word. He had let the boy fall asleep without so much as a “me too”, or a “I need some time to think, buddy”. Did he need time to think? No. He didn’t. He knew how he felt. He knew he loved Cloud. He’d known it for a while. At least since Nibelheim, maybe before. 

So what was the problem? Why couldn’t he say anything to the boy who had put his feelings out there?

They went about life as normally as he could, getting around with a slight limp. Every so often, he would sense Cloud’s eyes on him and he would turn to the boy. Cloud looked away every time, hurt on his face. 

All he wanted to do was protect Cloud from being hurt, yet here he was, hurting him himself. 

Time continued to pass, and neither of the men in the cell knew just how much. Without treatment, there was no meter to measure how many days had gone by. The week that had passed before had been easier to track, thanks to the labs being drawn on Zack, but one day they just stopped. The same day, Zack heard Aerith while he slept. 

“ _ It’s okay, you know?” _

“What? What’s okay?”

“ _ To admit it. To tell him.” _

“Don’t know what you’re talking about, flower girl.

“ _ Rude. You know exactly what I mean, Zack. _ ”

“Yeah, guess I do. But what about you?” He swore she giggled at his question.

“ _ You can’t be upset with someone for who they love. Sure, it hurts. But we’re friends, right?”  _ he sighed. 

“Friends forever, Aerith. I’m--”

“ _ Don’t you dare say sorry, Zack Fair. I won’t stand for it.” _ He laughed, the gravity of the situation not lost on him. 

“ _ Zack, wake up!” _

Cloud was screaming. Zack tried to jump to his feet, only to discover that he was being held down by Rude. His eyes frantically searched for blonde hair, pupils blown. Cloud was being pulled out of the cell by a large man, one that he could only assume was the one who beat him. He thrashed against Rude, trying without success to free himself. There was a flash of red, and he knew Reno was by his side.

“Stop fighting, Zack. For Cloud. Just stop.” The SOLDIER went limp with the Turk’s words, not wanting Cloud to suffer. Rude removed himself from on top of Zack, brushing his suit off and repositioning his sunglasses. Zack pushed himself to a sitting position and Reno began running to the cell door. He opened it, locked it behind him, and Zack could hear his footsteps echoing as he ran down the hall. They stopped for a moment, then resumed, growing louder instead of quieter, and suddenly Reno was back at the door, staring at Zack between the bars, eyes full of stress and torment. “Zack, don’t listen. Whatever you have to do, do it. Don’t listen.” He took off again, and Zack sat with the knowledge that Cloud was about to be tortured as he had. 

He understood now what Cloud had gone through. He wasn’t sure which was more torture, being subjected to Hojo’s experimentation or hearing the result of it. After he listened to Cloud scream in fear and pain for as long as he could stand, he had forced himself into a corner of the room, curled up as small as possible and clamped his hands firmly over his ears. Rude had stayed in the cell, probably sent to watch Zack and keeping him from doing anything rash. He also stood with his hands over his ears, shaking his head as the sounds continued. 

“ _ If someone would HOLD HIM STILL, this would be much less of a struggle, I ASSURE you.” _ Hojo’s voice met Zack’s ears, and a shiver ran down his spine. Cloud’s breathing became more erratic, more fearful, then Zack heard the sound of fist meeting flesh. The boy cried out, but it was a sound of defiance rather than pain or fear. 

“Get the fuck off of me!” he yelled. Zack almost smiled, but dread washed over him too quickly to allow the facial expression.

“ _ A little feisty, huh? Well you’re in luck, I like them that way.”  _ The voice was unfamiliar to Zack, but he was certain it belonged to the large man who had dragged Cloud away. His stomach turned at the tone of the man’s voice. The sound of more beating played over the speaker, ending with a sickening  _ crunch _ . Cloud cried out again, the sound followed by an angry Hojo.

“ _ No more! No more broken bones! I need the subject in working physical condition, Berev. Either restrain it without excessive force, or I will quickly find someone else who can do what I ask of them.” _

Zack retched at Hojo’s words. The man had broken one or maybe more of Cloud’s bones. What else would he be okay with?

The screaming stopped after a particularly horrific bout, one that Zack attributed to the bone marrow aspiration that he had also gone through. He was equal parts relieved and concerned that the sound had stopped, but the sounds indicating he was still being experimented on continued, indicating that the boy was still alive. Time continued to pass, and the sounds slowly faded, the last being Hojo’s footsteps. Another set replaced his as they faded, lighter and faster. 

“Oh baby boy,” he heard Reno whisper. “I’m so sorry.” A sob ripped though his being as he undid the restraints that held the boy to the table, the metallic sounds playing over the speaker. He tugged the boy’s pants back up, then removed him from the table, gently carrying him back to the cell where Zack waited. 

Once again, Zack had to keep himself from throwing up as Reno entered the cell with Cloud in his arms. A bruise spread across his cheek and below his eye, another blossomed across the side of his chest. Zack was certain the bone breaking he had heard was a rib, based on the swelling and darkness of the bruise. Reno laid him on the mat they slept on, Zack dropping to his knees beside the blonde. He brushed his hair away from fevered skin, whispering frantically. 

“Cloud, wake up. Come on, buddy.”

“Not gonna happen, Fair. Not yet. You were out for how long?”

“Fuck you, Reno. Cloud--”

“No, fuck you, Zack! You haven’t even spoken to him in a goddamn week! He knew this was coming, and you wouldn’t even give him the chance to tell you! He knew! And he didn’t want to burden you with it because he was  _ afraid _ to talk to you! You think I’m one of the things that keeps him awake? You think I’m one of the things that he’s scared of? How about rejection? How about--” he was interrupted by Rude, placing a hand on the redhead’s shoulder. He stood, shaking his head at Zack, rubbing his eyes, wet with tears. “I’ll be back in the morning, pretty boy.” The men left, and Zack was left to struggle with what Reno had said. He had hurt Cloud, and he knew it. 

Zack moved Cloud gently, positioning himself against the wall, legs crossed, and Cloud’s head resting in his lap. He played with his spikey blonde hair, brushing his fingers through it. His fingertips traced the boy’s facial features, pausing when he touched the angry bruise beneath his eye. 

“I’m a fucking moron, huh Cloud?” he said to the boy. “I didn’t mean… fuck, Cloud. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I didn’t mean to hurt anyone. I just… shit. What if we don’t… what if we don’t make it out of here? What if we die here? If I tell you, jeeze, Cloud. If I tell you and I have to watch them drag you away again, it might… it’ll break me, babe. But if I don’t tell you, what will you think? What will you think of me? Rock and a hard place here, buddy.” the boy’s head shifted slightly in his lap, and for a moment, Zack thought he would wake. He knew in his heart he wouldn’t, but that didn’t stop him from hoping. Cloud was still again, breath shallow. Zack bent his head down to meet the boy’s, and gently pressed his lips to the boy’s brow. 

“I love you, too,” he whispered. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOO. This was a hard one to get through for me, but I did it! Finally! These transition chapters have always been a hurdle for me, but now that we are through them, I think you guys are really going to like what is coming! As always, thank you guys SO MUCH for reading, leaving kudos and COMMENTING! I'm having a ton of fun writing this story, and even more fun getting to chat with you guys about what you think! Please keep letting me know how things are hitting you! <3 My update schedule might be a little off due to work, but I promise I'll keep writing and posting as often as I can!


	9. Accepted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Feelings and fluff.

Cloud burned with fever for the next five days. Zack tore strips of cloth from his own shirt to soak in water for his forehead. Reno had helped him move the boy into the shower one day, the two of them sitting in the corner as they let the cold water run over his body.

“He’s lost more weight, Reno. I don’t know what to do.”

“We just keep trying, Pretty Boy. He’ll put on some weight once he’s awake.” Reno sighed, obviously concerned that his words wouldn’t be true. 

“What’s your game, Reno?” Zack asked quietly. The Turk scoffed, leaning his head against the wall. 

“He doesn’t deserve this. I guess neither of you do, but especially not him. I thought for sure he was dead when we pulled you guys out. The next thing I know, I’ve been assigned to watch him. To watch as they… as they fucking torture him. You know what happens when you get an assignment from Shinra as a Turk? You take it. You take it, and you don’t ask questions. If you do, they’ll punish you. They’ll hurt you in ways you never imagined. I know. I experienced it. They took--” his voice broke, and Reno took a moment, clearing his throat and rubbing a hand across his eyes. “I like seeing him smile.”

“You should hear him laugh,” Zack said softly. Reno smiled. 

“I’d like that,” the redhead admitted. “He told me, yanno? That he told you that he… how he feels?”

Zack sighed. “Yeah, he did.”

“And?”

“And I’m an idiot, and didn’t say anything back.” Zack dropped his head into his hands and Reno sighed. The water continued to run.

“Yeah, he told me that too. He’s scared, yanno? Scared that he’s gonna die in here, and that you won’t talk to him again. When I asked you before if you loved him, I thought--”

“I do, Reno. I do love him.” Zack said firmly. Cloud stirred under the cool water, moaning softly. Reno put his hand on Zack’s shoulder and stood. 

“Tell him. Sooner rather than later.” They carried Cloud back to the main room, Zack dressing him, noting little improvement to his bruises and wounds. Reno left quietly, returning for just a moment to drop off food and water. Zack carefully poured some of the cool liquid into Cloud’s mouth, head tilted upwards to prevent him choking. After he was certain the liquid had cleared his throat, Zack laid him back down gently, picking up a tray of food so that he himself could eat. He watched the boy as he ate, finishing two bites of bread before seeing Cloud’s hand twitch and his head shift to the side. He dropped the tray, kneeling by the boy. 

“Cloud? Hey, Cloud, I’m here, buddy. I’m right here.” He pressed his hand lightly to the side of the boy’s face, and his eyes fluttered open, the swollen side of his face keeping his eye slightly closed. He groaned, face wrinkling in pain. His eyes found Zack’s, and the soldier had to wipe a tear away from his own eye. 

“Z-ack, what’s… wrong?” Cloud asked. Zack smiled, more tears falling. He reached out and ruffled his blonde hair gently.

“I thought I was going to lose you, buddy. Couldn’t handle that thought. Need ya to stick around, okay?” Cloud’s brow furrowed.

“But, are you still… mad at me?” the blonde asked. Zack dropped his head, tears falling harder now.

“Cloud, I’m so so sorry I ever made you feel that way. I’ve never, never been mad at you. How could I?”

“You didn’t… speak to me, after I… after I told you--”

“I know, but that wasn’t… it wasn’t about you, Cloud. I couldn’t be mad at you for admitting what I was too scared to say.” He brought his hand to meet Cloud’s, twisting their fingers together. “I wanted to tell you, I did. But there were… things holding me back. But they don’t matter now.” Zack cleared his throat, chest suddenly tight. He squeezed Cloud’s hand, taking a few deep breaths before speaking again. 

“I love you, Cloud,” he said softly, carefully, as if the words would break if spoken too loudly. “I love you and I’m sorry I didn’t say it sooner. I’m sorry you suffered because of me again.” He squeezed the boy’s hand again, fearful. 

Cloud pushed himself slowly to a seated position, keeping a firm grip on Zack’s hand. The motion was painful, every muscle in his body screaming. Zack helped to prop him against the wall. Once comfortable, Cloud brought his free hand to Zack’s shoulder, grasping as tightly as he could. 

“I love you, Zack.” he pressed his forehead to the man’s, shaking. 

“No more keeping stuff from each other, okay? Reno told me you knew they were taking you. And I… I won’t keep my feelings from you, okay?” Zack said, voice shaking. He was scared. Baring his soul and thoughts to another person didn’t come easily to him, and he knew Cloud was much the same way. 

“Yeah,” Cloud agreed. “Okay.” He dropped his hand from Zack’s shoulder, a shock of pain emanating from just below his right collarbone. He leaned back against the wall, grimacing. He reached up to pull the collar of his shirt down enough to ask Zack a question. “Do we match?” Zack’s eyes flashed to his friend’s chest, nodding. 

“Yeah, it looks like we do. How’s your hip?” Cloud moved his leg, testing out the joint. 

“Sore, but alright. How are you?”

Zack smiled at him. “I’m fine. Better now that you’re awake.” Cloud smiled back. “You hungry? Reno brought food by earlier.” The boy nodded. 

“Yeah, for sure. Hungrier than I’ve been in a while.” Zack grabbed the full tray of food and handed it to him. Cloud ate it quickly, finishing the water Zack handed him as well. “When did you stop being so tired?” He asked. 

“Give yourself some time. I think it’s night, anyway. We should sleep.” Zack crawled across the mat to lay beside the blonde, propping himself up on his side. He smiled as he stared at Cloud, who was clearly uncomfortable with the attention. 

“Why are you staring at me?” he asked. A slight blush bloomed across his cheeks, and Zack was afraid the boy would be able to hear his heart beating out of his chest. 

“Does your hair ever not look like that?” he asked. Cloud rolled his eyes and laid on his back, staring at the ceiling. “Hey! Serious question!”

“Go to sleep, Zack.” 

“No way! I’ve been DYING to know about that hair of yours! Come on!” Cloud laughed now, the sound music to Zack’s ears.

“It’s always been like this. Doesn’t matter what I do.”

“Man, I’m jealous.”

“It’s a pain in the ass.”

“At least it doesn’t look like a dirty mop.”

“Ah, that’s what you look like. I’ve been trying to figure it out.” 

“Wow. Rude. Not supposed to agree with me.”

“Go. To. Sleep.”

“Fine. You’re still rude.” Zack rolled onto his back, then to his opposite side, one arm tucked under his head as a substitute for a pillow. He heard Cloud shifting around, trying to get comfortable. “You okay?” he asked. He was answered by the sound of Cloud sobbing. 

“I don’t want to die here, Zack. Not now. Now that… “ Zack rolled over again, coming face to face with the boy. He brushed Cloud’s hair out of his face, heart aching at the sight of him crying yet again. 

“I’m not gonna let anything happen to you, Cloud. Not now, not ever. We’re going to get out of here. I promise. We’ll get out and away, and we’ll get to start a new life. Together. I love you.” He was surprised at how much easier it was to summon those three words now, and comforted. 

“I love you, too, Zack.”

He tucked his head under Zack’s chin and fell asleep several moments later. Meanwhile, Zack kept himself awake, thinking of all the ways his promise could be broken.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOO! He did it. Finally. Thanks so much for reading, guys. I really appreciate it. And to those of you who continue to comment, THANK YOU. I'm absolutely loving interacting with all of you and discussing what you think is going to happen/reactions to what is happening! I appreciate you guys SO MUCH, and I look forward to comments every time I post! It definitely fuels my upcoming chapters! Let me know what you think!
> 
> As a note, the next several chapters may contain some triggers/sensitive material. I am keeping the chapters as written to stick to the story as I imagine it. I will be marking the chapters clearly at the beginning, and will mark sensitive material within the chapters. If there is some sort of material that you are sensitive to, please let me know so that I can mark it for you!
> 
> <3


	10. Beginning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little fluff, a little setup, a little setback.

They were left alone for a little longer, and Zack started to wonder if the treatment schedule was intentionally randomized to keep the two of them from being able to understand how much time had actually passed. They continued about their lives as normally as they could, eating when Reno brought food, showering and moving around the cell as best they could. Cloud continued to walk with a slight limp, but Zack noted improvement almost daily. The SOLDIER resumed as much of a fitness routine as he could. His muscles had atrophied more than he had thought they would, and work that used to be a warmup now taxed him. 

He had to be strong to free himself and Cloud. 

Cloud did what he could to strengthen himself as well. He was lacking the energy to keep up with Zack, but he did move as much as he could. Zack was concerned that the boy would burn more calories by doing so than he already was, and he couldn’t afford to lose any more weight than he already had. Reno helped when he could, sneaking extra food into the cell. Over time, Cloud’s energy improved and he grew stronger. Zack’s mood improved with the changes in the boy.

Zack quickly grew accustomed to Cloud’s weight on his chest when they slept. It was comforting to him to be something that brought the boy comfort. Cloud almost always fell asleep before him, the sound of his deep breathing calming to Zack, almost meditative. He would play with Cloud’s spikey blonde hair until he fell asleep himself, most often waking up before the boy did. He would let Cloud sleep a while longer before waking him up, trying to memorize his features. On this particular day, Cloud had continued to sleep longer than usual, and Reno had arrived with food. He entered the cell quietly, sitting on the bench across from the mat the men were sleeping on.

“Treatment starts again today.”

“Had to happen sometime, right?”

“Yeah. Guess so. I hear it’s not going to be pleasant.”

“Well, it has been so far, so that’s a real shame to hear,” Zack scoffed. Reno rolled his eyes. 

“How’s he doing?” the Turk asked. Zack ran his hand through the boy’s hair without thought, smiling as he did so.

“Better, I think. He’s putting on a little weight.”

“Good.”

“Reno… thanks. I--”

“Hey, just helped you pull your head out of your own ass. That’s all. Better wake him up,” he said, standing and walking towards the cell door. “Zack--”

“Reno?” a barely-awake Cloud sat himself up, rubbing his eyes. Zack’s heart melted. Reno turned and smiled at the boy.

“Brought you some food, Baby Boy. Treatment today.” Cloud’s face fell.

“Reno, what are they--”

“I don’t have those answers. You probably wouldn’t want them if I did. Eat. I’ll… I’ll see you later.” He left the cell without saying anything more, though Zack sensed something hidden in the tone of his voice. He stood as the door to the cell closed, retrieving the trays of food and handing one over to Cloud. He sat back down and watched Cloud for a moment, waiting for him to eat. The boy just continued to stare at the wall. 

“Hey,” Zack said softly. Cloud’s eyes met his, full of fear and uncertainty. “Eat, buddy.”

“I’m not hungry. Really.”

“Doesn’t really matter if you are, you have to put some weight back on.”

“Fine.” They sat in silence for a while as they ate, Zack still keeping an eye on the boy. They both finished their meal, and Zack took the trays, setting them back on the bench. 

“I’m gonna shower,” he said to Cloud. “Really no telling if I’ll have the energy to after--”

“Yeah,” Cloud interrupted. “I’ll go after you.” Zack almost laughed, realizing the boy was embarrassed. 

“Buddy, we might not have time for that. We’ve been showering together for weeks.” He offered a hand to Cloud, who took it. Zack pulled him to his feet, then walked to the shower room. He pulled his own clothing off, walking over to the panel to adjust the water. When he was happy with the temperature, he moved over the stream and let the water run over him. 

Cloud’s forehead came to rest on his back, and Zack smiled. The boy’s arms slowly wrapped around his waist, and he thought his heart would beat out of his chest. 

Cloud was shaking. 

“Are you okay?” Zack asked softly. 

“I’m scared, Zack.” The SOLDIER turned slowly, pushing Cloud’s face upwards with a finger under his chin. 

“It’s going to be okay, Cloud. I’m not going to let anything happen to you.” Cloud shook his head.

“You can’t control that, Zack. Not here. What if… what if we don’t make it out of here? What if we never see the outside again? What if we die in this fucking place?” Zack couldn’t tell if the boy was crying or if it was shower water he was seeing, but he knew his heart was breaking.

What if Cloud was right? 

He pulled the boy into his chest, holding him tightly. 

“Whatever happens, Cloud, whatever comes our way, we are going to be together. You won’t be alone.” They embraced for several moments, Zack pressing his lips against Cloud’s hair, the only sign of affection he could allow himself, though he selfishly wanted more. He heard the sound of the cell door opening, and gently pried himself away from Cloud, turning off the water. They dressed themselves in silence, Zack ruffling Cloud’s hair with a smile before they stepped back out to the main cell. Reno and Rude were waiting, the redhead tapping his EMR against the wall. Rude unlocked the door and both Zach and Cloud walked out, followed by Reno. Zack stopped in the hall, speaking to Cloud.

“Well, buddy. I guess I’ll see you when we’re done.” He patted the boy’s shoulder, making every effort he could to radiate positivity, something he knew Cloud needed. Cloud smiled back at him weakly, trying desperately to look okay for Zack. Rude turned and nodded at Reno, who dropped his gaze to the floor. Zack caught the gesture, and knew instantly that something was wrong.

“Reno?” The redhead didn’t look up, but spoke quietly.

“Not separate, Fair. Not today. You’re in the same treatment space, Hojo’s special request.”

Zack broke out in a cold sweat. Rude grabbed Cloud’s arm, pulling him down the hall and Zack panicked, dropping immediately into an attack stance.

He heard Reno’s EMR hum to life behind him. 

“Don’t, Zack. Please. Don’t make this harder.” The SOLDIER stood up, rage radiating throughout his being. 

“I trusted you, Reno. Cloud fucking trusted you.”

“It’s my job, Zack. I told you—“

“Fuck off.” He turned to follow Rude and Cloud, entering a lab room he had never been to. 

A white coat was already with Cloud, taking blood pressure and listening to his lungs. Zack could see the terror on the boy’s face, and his stomach churned. The large man that had beaten the boy before stood in the center of the room, holding a pair of cuffs in his hand. They were chained to the ceiling of the room. The white coat finished taking Cloud’s vitals, then nodded, signaling for the man to retrieve the boy. Cloud flinched as the man led him by the elbow to the cuffs, securing both of his wrists, then tugging the chain tight so that his hands were held far above his head. Zack was strapped to a table, a white coat assessing his vitals as well. Reno and Rude stood in separate corners of the room, waiting.

The door to the lab opened, and Hojo stepped in. 

“Well then, shall we begin?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys are truly the best readers. I love you. Thank you so much for sticking with my story so far, and a special huge thank you to the people who have/continue to comment. Your words and reactions keep me going, guys. Seriously. It’s been a rough week but then I get to come on here and talk to you all, read your reactions to my story, and have fun. 
> 
> This chapter is basically a setup for the next, a little fluffy transition. We are about to get into the meat of what I think went down in the lab. Please know that I will mark everything that I consider to be triggering in the chapters to come. If I miss something, please let me know and I will edit the chapter. I want you all to be comfortable reading the story. 
> 
> I can’t wait to hear from you guys. I will be replying to last chapter’s comments tomorrow; I just don’t have the energy to do it right now and for that I apologize. I hope you enjoy the chapter and the chapters to come.
> 
> ♥️


	11. Regret

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reno spoke to me, guys. I had to. The beginning of the chapter is starred for medical procedure. If you have an issue with semi-detailed medical procedure, please skip or read at your own risk. If you decide to skip, the last few lines of the marked paragraphs should basically sum up what is happening.

***

Zack winced as a man in a white coat stuck him with a needle for the third time, this time in his hand rather than his arm. Finally, blood flashed into the needle and the catheter advanced; the man connected an IV bag, then taped the thin tube to his skin. 

Hojo was across the room with another whitecoat, standing in front of Cloud. The boy was trying to look strong, an uninterested look plastered across his face, but Zack could see the fear in his eyes. The whitecoat nodded at Hojo and walked across the room to a storage container, plugging in a code to open the door. He pulled out an IV bag, but instead of being clear, the bag was black. The man also pulled a needle and a saline flush. He walked back over to Hojo, handing him the materials. Hojo grinned at Cloud, and suddenly the boy’s composure dissolved. He thrashed as Hojo approached him, twisting away from the professor. The man pointed a finger at the large man, who approached Cloud quickly. He slapped the boy in the face, then moved behind him, grasping him firmly by the hips, holding him still. He cried out as the man dug his fingertips deep into his skin. Still, he struggled. Hojo shouted in frustration again.

  
“Turk!” he yelled. Reno walked to his side, eyes focused on the ground. Zack knew he felt his eyes on him as he walked. The SOLDIER pulled against his restraints, testing the strength of the straps. He knew he couldn’t pull through them. He watched as Reno took his spot next to Cloud, the blonde boy weeping at this point. Reno pushed his EMR into the boy’s side, and Zack heard a faint hum before he discharged the weapon. 

Cloud shrieked. Zack saw red.

He was brought back to his own situation by a burning in his veins. Sweat crept through his skin, and his heart rate accelerated. Several moments passed and he felt as though his head might explode. He moaned and instantly regretted it.

“Zack!? Please, just leave him alone. Please. Zack? Zack!?” Cloud’s frantic voice entered his ears. He wanted nothing more than to smile at the boy and tell him he was fine, to tell him that they would be okay. But he couldn’t. 

He was too busy trying to escape the burning in his body, yelling.

“Reno, please!” he managed to shout between intense waves of pain. The redhead smirked at him and pulsed the EMR again, Cloud shouting before going limp, hanging from the chains securing his arms. 

Hojo approached again, wiping the skin just under Cloud’s collarbone with alcohol. He removed the needle and flush from their packaging, pinching the port he had placed under the skin. Cloud shouted weakly, trying again to wiggle himself away from the man. Reno activated the EMR, moving to press it to his skin again, pausing when Hojo held up a hand. 

“Not this one,” he said. “Use it on Subject Fair. If this one moves, shouts, or is otherwise uncooperative, use it.” Reno nodded, walking across the room to stand at Zack’s side. “Once for demonstration, Turk!” the Professor called. Reno held the baton to Zack’s chest, activating it. Zack tried not to scream but his attempt was in vain. Every nerve in his body ignited, every muscle contracted at once. Cloud sobbed, suddenly still as Hojo approached him with the needle. “Ah,” the Professor said, smiling menacingly. “There it is. Your weak point. Fantastic. Fascinating.” with the last word he jabbed the needle under Cloud’s skin, flushing the port with saline before attaching the black IV tubing. Cloud whimpered and Hojo nodded; Reno zapped Zack again, Cloud fell silent. 

Zack’s veins continued to burn, now alight with electricity as well. He struggled against his restraints, staring at Reno, who wouldn’t make eye contact with him.

“He trusted you, you fucking bastard. He fucking trusted you,” he spat at the redhead, quietly, and with darkness tearing at the edges of his vision. Reno nodded, and Zack could’ve sworn he saw a tear roll down the redhead’s cheek. The darkness won for a moment, but Zack awoke to the sound of Hojo laughing and Cloud screaming. With blurred vision, he looked across the room, seeing that one of Cloud’s arms appeared longer than the other, almost certainly indicating that one of his shoulders was dislocated. The black bag attached to his IV appeared to be less than half full now, the top of the bag coming together. He noted a faint green glow around the port site, and his stomach sank.

Mako.

***

  
  
  


They were both unconscious when they were dragged back to their cell by Reno and Rude. They pulled the men onto the mat that they slept on, and positioned them both on their side, trying to ensure neither would die if they were to vomit. Both men were full of drugs, none of which they were accustomed to. Reno made sure Cloud couldn’t roll out of the position he lay in, then retreated to the shower room. He threw his EMR across the room, shouting. Tears streamed down his face and he let himself collapse to the ground, drawing his knees up to his chest. He cried loudly, punching the floor and the wall. He heard the cell door open and shut and knew that Rude had left him. The man was terrible with emotion, and never confronted it. 

He heard the sound of something being dragged across the floor and looked to the door to see Zack, dragging himself across the mat, coming to rest at Cloud’s side. He rolled him so that his head came to rest in Zack’s lap, the SOLDIER propping himself up against the wall. He cried as his fingers combed through Cloud’s blonde hair, occasionally bringing a hand up to wipe away the tears that ran down his cheeks. Reno picked himself up and retrieved his EMR, walking back in to the main room of the cell. 

“You should leave him on his side, yanno? He has a tendency to throw up, and if he stays flat he could--”

“Go fuck yourself, Reno. You don’t get to tell me how to take care of him. He fucking trusted you. I fucking trusted you. I thought you were more than just a Turk piece of shit. I thought you really cared about him. I should’ve gone with my gut. You couldn’t give a shit less about him.” Reno dropped his gaze to the floor, and Zack continued to twist his fingers through Cloud’s blonde spikes. The Turk dropped into a squat, keeping his eyes firmly planted on the cell floor. 

“Zack, I’m not a monster. I don’t know what I have to do to convince you of that.” The SOLDIER laughed, a dark sound. 

“You could start with not being a fucking monster, Reno. How about that? How about not torturing Cloud? How does that sound?” Reno was silent. Zack scoffed. “Yeah, I thought not.”

“I tried to refuse the job after we picked you guys up, yanno? I told Hojo I didn’t want it.”

“How noble of you. Still here though, right? The money just too good to turn down? Or does it make it easier for you to sleep at night, what with your head full of Cloud’s--”

“Would you shut the fuck up? For five fucking minutes? I killed him, you bastard. I watched him die and I couldn’t fucking do anything! Then they told me they’d come for my brother next!” he stood and punched a wall, stopping just shy of hard enough to break his hand. Zack froze. 

“Killed who?” Zack asked. Reno sobbed, a horribly pained, guttural sound and sank back to the ground, knees once again pulled into his chest. 

“Damian. He was from Sector Five, my neck of the slums. Blonde. Quiet. Thoughtful. We grew up together. He joined the military and I was picked up by the Turks. We’d cross paths every once in a while, catch up, then say our goodbyes. Five years ago he left, decided it just wasn’t for him. He moved back to the slums, opened a little coffee shop and did some weapons repair on the side. I was home, visiting my brother, making sure he was being taken care of. I was out drinking and got shitty, just wanted to forget some of the shit I’d seen. Couldn’t even walk home I was so blasted. He found me that night, laying in the street. He tried to take me back to my place, but I couldn’t even tell him where that was. So he took me back to his place. He cleaned me up, watched me when I slept. He kept me on my side and didn’t shy away when I got sick. He just cleaned me up again and kept telling me everything was okay. I’d never been so embarrassed. He left to go open his shop the next morning, after he was sure I was in the clear. I woke up alone, in an apartment I didn’t know, sicker than I had been in a long time. He left a note on the door, telling me to come get coffee and breakfast from him. I almost didn’t. I was so ashamed. But I knew I needed to pull it together before I went back to see my kid brother. So I dragged myself down there, sat down and waited for him to hold it over my head. I waited to feel like shit,” his voice broke and he cleared his throat, tears rolling down his cheeks. “He never said a word. He smiled at me and made sure I drank water. He made me coffee and food. Not a single word about how much time he had spent looking after me that night, not a single note about how tired he was, even though it was written all over his damn face. Before I left I wrote him a quick note, telling him I owed him. I left my number, told him I’d buy him a drink or a dinner topside, something nice. He called me before I even made it to my brother’s.” Reno paused, eyes closed. His breath was short, choppy, strained with the effort it was taking to not completely break down. Zack almost felt bad for him, then looked back down at Cloud, rage still bubbling inside of him. “I took him to dinner and we stared up at the stars. He told me about the military not being for him, about how he just wanted to live a happy life. He asked me about my own life, and he listened; he was genuinely curious to know me. Not the Turk, not the dog of Shinra, but the kid he had grown up with.

He kissed me that night for the first time. Just outside of his apartment. He kissed me and I ran. I was scared. I didn’t know any better. I didn’t know. I just left him there, wondering what he had done wrong. I disappeared for weeks, asked for assignments that would keep me far from the slums. Thinking about him kept me awake. I finally made myself go back, and when I did, I saw him with someone else. It infuriated me. I followed him until the man he was with left, and I snuck up on him. He knew I was there. He had seen my hair when I tried to hide around a corner. ‘If I was still in the military, I could’ve shot you’, he said. And he smiled at me again. I knew right then I never wanted to be without him. 

Three years, Fair. We were together for three years. We bought a place together. I spent every free moment I could with him, just soaking up his presence. He watched my brother from afar, told me that he was going to be a great man like me someday.” Another sob tore through him. Zack’s eyes were wet with tears. 

Reno had everything that he himself wanted. 

“I  _ loved  _ him, Fair. With everything I had. With every fiber of my being. And he loved me back. There was no judgement, no worry of disappointing one another. Just love. I can still see his smile, his blonde hair. I can still smell him in my dreams. He was everything, Zack. Everything. 

I didn’t want this assignment. I knew it would mean not seeing him for the duration of this… experimentation. I turned it down. I went to pull you and Cloud out, and I left. I went home. I went back to Damian, to our life. I went back to him falling asleep on my chest, back to him waking me up in the morning before he left for the shop. I went back to the love of my life. We were so fucking  _ happy _ , Fair.

He left for the shop like usual that day. I kissed him goodbye and told him I loved him. He smiled that goofy smile at me, told me he’d see me after his shift. I waited almost an hour after he should’ve been home before I went to the shop. It was destroyed. They were watching for me. My phone rang and I answered. He was on the other end. Sobbing. Screaming. They dropped his location to me and I went there as fast as I could. But I was too late. They had tortured him, Zack. There was so much blood. He had gone through so much. All because of me. All because I wanted more time with him. All because I wanted to be happy. They had beaten him bloody. There was no way he was going to make it. Everything we had, gone. All our dreams, all our hopes, destroyed. 

He still fucking smiled at me, Fair. When I broke down the door to the fucking basement they had left him in, when he could see that it was me, he fucking smiled at me. ‘I knew you would come’, he said. ‘I love you,’ he said.” he dropped his head into his hands, fingers twisting into his red hair. Zack lay Cloud down gently on his side, approaching Reno as one would approach a wounded animal, slowly and with his hands raised. The Turk screamed, all the pain he could muster forcing its way out of his body. 

“I didn’t know what to do, Zack” he sobbed. “He was so… broken. But he was still there, still the man I loved. I cried. I shouted. I cursed everyone and everything I knew. And he stayed. Somehow, he forced himself to stay for me. ‘Hey,’ he told me, ‘it’s going to be okay. We’ll see each other again, whether it’s tomorrow or years from now. I believe that. I love you, Reno. More than I could ever tell you. It’s okay.’ 

I told him I loved him. And then I shot him.” 

Zack pulled the Turk into his chest, sobbing. Reno let himself cry, harder than he had in a long time. 

“I sat there for hours, holding his body. I sat there apologizing and asking for someone to kill me. I wanted to die. I wanted out. Then my phone rang. Shinra knew what I had done. They had been watching me. I answered, and this time it was my brother, Zack, my little brother. The only family I have left. He told me my friends were there to visit him. The last voice on the call was Hojo. ‘We will see you in the morning, Reno. On time.’ I buried Damian on a hill overlooking our house. And I never went back. That was three years ago. I haven’t been home. I haven’t seen my brother, but Shinra keeps tabs on him. If I don’t do what they say, if I’m not exactly where they want when they want, I’ll lose him too.” 

Cloud coughed and Reno moved quickly to him, propping him up slightly as he vomited, a bright green substance with a slimy texture. Zack stayed where he was, stunned. 

“Reno, I--”

“Don’t,” the Turk said. “Please. Don’t tell me you’re sorry.” He wiped the corners of Cloud’s mouth with his sleeve, the green striking against the white of his shirt. “Help me put his shoulder back in.” 

Zack nodded, moving slowly to Cloud’s head, sitting down, and holding the boy tightly. Reno pulled on his arm, a  _ clunk _ signifying the joint was reduced. Reno looked at the boy’s face, longing and sadness flashing across his features. 

“So now you know, Fair. I’m not a monster. Just forced to play the part of one.” 

Zack nodded. “I just want to save him, Reno.” The Turk sobbed again, his breath ragged. 

“I know the feeling. I’ll be back, later. With food. Try and wake him up.” He walked towards the cell door, unlocking it. A feeling of unease washed over Zack, one of the points of Reno’s story sticking out in his memory.

“Reno,” he said softly. “You were brought here to watch him three years ago?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOO. Did I cry while writing Reno's speech in this one? YEP. Had to do it, though. 
> 
> A HUGE THANKS to all of you who continue to read this story. Another huge thank you to those who continue to comment! I promise I'll be better with replies this week! Let me know how you do with this chapter, and how things are hitting you! As always, if there is a trigger you note in the chapter, please let me know and I will do my best to mark it in future chapters<3


	12. Calm Before the Storm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little light before the darkness.

Cloud continued to vomit mako for days. He wouldn’t wake up, he would only groan, occasionally his eyes would flutter open, but this seemed to be an involuntary action. Zack watched him carefully, only leaving his side when Reno was there, and then he only left long enough to shower. 

Reno convinced a whitecoat with a kind smile to come give Cloud fluids and calories through an IV twice a day. He was dehydrated from vomiting, and the mako in his blood was burning through nutrients and energy faster than they could be replaced. 

Cloud was dying, and all Zack could do was watch. 

Reno was quiet, for the most part. He was obviously thinking about the life that he had lost more often than before he had confessed to Zack. 

Zack didn’t sleep much anymore. He spent his time watching Cloud or trying to keep himself from slipping into the darkness of depression. He thought a lot about Reno, the story that the man had told him. It had him feeling torn about the redhead. He hated him for hurting Cloud, hated him for being a dog of Shinra, but had Zack himself been any better? He had killed for Shinra. He had turned on his friends, and his friends, the people he had trusted more than anyone, had turned on him as well.

When he did sleep, he was plagued with nightmares. He saw Cloud, hanging by his arms in the dark lab. He saw him crying, pleading for for Hojo to stop torture him, begging to be let go, begging to die. He saw him lying on the floor, vomiting, but instead of mako, it was blood. He watched as all the color drained out of the boy’s body, saw as he struggled to take his last breath. 

He woke up screaming most nights. He would crawl over to Cloud, press two fingers to his neck to check for a pulse, then press his ear to his chest, slowing his breathing as he listened to the sound of his heartbeat. 

Zack wasn’t sure how much time had passed when he felt Cloud’s fingers twist into his hair. 

“Zack?” the boy said quietly. The SOLDIER sat up, trying to see the boy’s face in the low light of the cell. The lights in the hall were shut off, due to a power surge, according to Reno earlier. He couldn’t quite make out the boy’s features, and for this he was relieved. His eyes hadn’t taken on the familiar glow of mako. His eyes were still his own, still the eyes that Zack hadn’t fallen in love with. A tear escaped his own eyes, and he smiled.

“Hey, babe.” He combed his fingers gently through Cloud’s blonde hair, resisting the urge to press his lips to the boy’s. It would be terribly awkward, the worst time to kiss him for the first time, but it was the only thing he wanted. He thought about it for a half second more, considered how close they were to each other. 

He couldn’t. Not now. 

Cloud shifted slightly, groaning. “It’s dark,” he said. “Why?” Zack sat back a bit, weaving his fingers in between the boy’s. 

“Reno said something about a power surge. I don’t really know.”

“Oh. Damn.” 

“What did you think it was?”

“I hoped we were… out of here. Maybe it was night, maybe I’d look up and see the stars.” Cloud breathed quietly, his words slightly ragged. Zack squeezed his hand, blinking against the tears that were forming in his eyes. He let himself dream for just a moment, about laying somewhere out in the country with Cloud, staring up at the sky, naming the constellations.

He wanted it more than anything.

“Someday, buddy. Someday.”

“How long… was I out?”

“Not sure, Cloud. Not sure.”

“Did they… did they do anything else to me?”

“No. Reno or I were with you the whole time.”

“Are you sure? Berev… was he here?” Zack sat up straighter, the fear and hesitation in Cloud’s voice sparking a reaction in his chest.

“No. Not that I know, and not that Reno said. Why?” Cloud squeezed his hand a little tighter, shaking his head.

“No reason. Just wondering.” Zack squeezed his hand back, Cloud’s dismissal of his earlier question concerning him even more. 

“Cloud, why did you ask about him?”

The lights flashed on and Zack saw the look of terror that was written across the blonde’s face. He reached out his hand and gently ran his thumb across Cloud’s cheek, trying to channel reassurance through the touch. Tears ran out of the corners of his eyes, trailing into his hair. He turned his face away from Zack’s.

“He likes hurting me,” Cloud said flatly. Zack swallowed the rage he felt creeping into his throat. “He said it when we were in the lab together. Before Hojo filled the port. He was digging his fingers into my hips and he… he laughed and he said he liked watching me hurt. He said he wanted to find new ways to hurt me.” He squeezed Zack’s hand even tighter, the SOLDIER focusing on keeping his breath steady and even. 

He wanted to throw up. 

Instead he lifted Cloud’s hand to his face, pressing his lips gently to the skin.

“I won’t let him hurt you.”

“There’s a chance you couldn’t stop him. What then?” he asked quietly. Zack pulled the boy into his chest, tucking a head full of blonde hair under his chin. 

“I won’t let him hurt you, Cloud. I won’t.” He pressed his lips to the boy’s head. “I love you.”

“I love you, Zack. I’m scared.”

“Let’s go shower, buddy. Reno should be by with some food soon. Do you think you can stand?” Zack stood himself, offering a hand to Cloud, who took it without hesitation. He pulled the boy to a stand, holding him gently as he swayed.

“I don’t want to see Reno,” he said quietly. “Not after what he did to you in that lab.”

“He did what he had to do, Cloud. Shinra is a terrible monster. Hojo even worse.”

“Working for a monster doesn’t mean you have to be one.” They walked very slowly to the shower, Zack supporting nearly all of the boy’s weight. He sat him down and helped him undress, then undressed himself and set the water temperature. 

“I don’t think he’s a monster. Not really.” They showered in silence, Cloud seated on the floor and Zack standing. Several times Cloud felt as though he was going to sink all the way to the floor, his head wracked with pain. He grabbed at it, Zack taking note of the action. He sat behind him, gently washing his hair. Cloud leaned in to the contact, letting himself be distracted for a moment.

“Zack, if we get out of here, will we still… be together?” The SOLDIER stood to turn off the water, then helped Cloud to his feet, walking him back to the bench. He squatted down in front of him when they were dressed, resting a hand on one of Cloud’s knees. 

“You’re stuck with me, remember? That doesn’t just mean now. That doesn’t just mean when it is convenient. It means I want to be with you.” Cloud smiled briefly as Zack spoke, then sadness flashed across his features again.

“What about the girl you always talked about? Won’t she be expecting you to come back to her?” Zack allowed himself a moment to think before replying. 

“I think that the girl, Aerith, will be okay. I think she’ll understand. And I think she’ll love you. Besides, I doubt she’s still waiting for me. Three years is a long time.” He pulled Cloud to a stand, turning to go back to their living space, arm tucked around the boy. As he stepped, he felt Cloud resist the movement. 

“Three years?” he whispered. Zack grimaced, then nodded. 

“Yeah. At least, that’s what Reno said. Not sure how much of that we've actually been awake for. I’m sure there was a big chunk of time we spent…”

“Almost dead,” Cloud finished. Zack pulled him slowly back over to the mat, setting him down propped up against the wall. He slid down the wall to sit next to him, grabbing his hand. 

“We need to talk, Cloud. Before anything else happens. Before they fuck with us again, before we go any further, before we decide what… what we are.” He pulled the boy’s hand into his chest, lowering his chin, eyes locked on the floor in front of him. Cloud turned slightly, angling his body toward Zack’s. The SOLDIER took a deep breath before speaking again. “Cloud, I put you in danger. More than once. And when I sent you to fight Sephiroth… that was my ego, Cloud. My want for him to be punished for what he did. It was wrong. I was wrong to send you to finish what I couldn’t. You almost… you almost died because of me, Cloud. We’re in here because of me. And if you want to be mad at me, if you want to hate me, I understand. If we get out of here and you never want to see me again, I—“

Zack was interrupted by Cloud pressing his lips to his. The dark haired man brought his hands up to the sides of the blonde’s face, twisting his fingers into blonde hair. Cloud broke the kiss gently, resting his forehead against Zack’s. 

“I’m not mad at you. I would’ve gone to him regardless. I love you,” Cloud whispered. Zack sobbed and Cloud pulled him closer. “I love you. This isn’t your fault. It isn’t. And if we… die in here, that won’t be your fault either. If I die, and you get out, that won’t be your fault.” Zack clung to the back of his shirt, letting himself cry harder than he had ever before. Cloud continued to hold him, gently running his fingertips across his back, tracing lazy patterns across his shirt. 

“I’m sorry, Cloud. For falling apart,” Zack said. He sat up straight and locked eyes with the man he had fallen in love with. Cloud smiled, and it was as though a weight had been lifted from the SOLDIER’s chest. 

“Well, you’ve been holding us both together for so long. It was bound to happen, right?”

“Right. I guess,” Zack sighed. “I love you, Cloud.” He looked back up at the man’s face and smiled, then frowned. Cloud looked quizzically at him. “Your nose is bleeding,” Zack explained. 

Cloud’s eyes rolled back and he began to seize.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOOOO. I’m back! Sorry for the long wait between chapters, guys. As I’m sure you’re aware, there’s a lot going on in the world right now, and the effects are numerous. But I’m here, I’m not abandoning this story, and I already have a sequel in the works.
> 
> As always, thank you guys so much for sticking with me and continuing to read what I’m writing. This is my creative outlet, and to get to share it with you means a lot to me. I love the conversations we are having, and all the reactions you have given me so far. I’ll be spending time this weekend replying to all of you, so if you haven’t heard from me yet, please know that you will. 
> 
> ♥️


	13. Beginning of the End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zack's having a bad day, Reno isn't the worst, and Zack becomes the keeper of the worst secret in the world.

Zack caught him before his head could hit the ground. He shook violently, his limbs crashing into the floor over and over again. He rolled the blonde to his side, pressing the side of his hand into Cloud’s mouth to keep him from breaking his teeth or biting his tongue. He cried out as teeth sank into sensitive flesh, winced as he felt blood run down his arm.

“Hope I’m not interrupting anything,” Reno said from behind the cell door. Zack cried out again as Cloud’s teeth sunk deeper into his hand.

“Reno, help! Please!” The redhead dropped the trays he was carrying to the floor and rushed to Zack’s side.

“What happened!?” he shouted as he tried to steady Cloud’s head. After a moment, he removed his black jacket and quickly rolled it up. “Pull your hand out!” Zack did as he was told, and Reno put his rolled clothing where the man’s hand had been. The SOLDIER cradled his hand for a moment, then explained to Reno.

“I don’t know! We were talking, he woke up maybe two hours ago, we showered, we came back here and we were just talking! Then his nose started bleeding and he started seizing.” 

“Shit. Here, hold his head.” Reno retrieved his phone from the pocket of his pants as Zack placed his hands on the sides of Cloud’s face, trying not to break down as the boy thrashed, his eyes moving without seeing, never locking with Zack’s as he hoped they would. 

“Who are you calling?” he asked, trying to occupy his mind. Reno didn’t answer him.

“Sir, yes. It’s Strife, sir… yes,  _ Subject _ Strife, sir. There’s something wrong, sir. Yes, a nosebleed now a seizure. Yes, sir, in the cell. We’re trying, sir. Yes.” He hung up the phone, turning his attention back to Cloud. 

“Come on, Baby Boy, stay with us. Come on. It’s going to be okay,” he whispered as the boy continued to thrash. “They’re coming to get him, Zack. There’s nothing we can do here. He needs medical attention.” Zack lost it.

“He needs their attention!? THEY DID THIS TO HIM!!!”

“Yeah, and they’re the only ones who will be able to tell what’s wrong and how to fix it. Gotta know when the fight is useless, Zack.” A click indicated that the door to the cell was opening. Reno stood and pressed himself against the wall to allow the group of men that were now in the cell access to Cloud. A whitecoat pulled a syringe from his coat pocket, stabbing the needle into Cloud’s thigh. He depressed the plunger, and the medication was pushed into his bloodstream. Almost instantly, he stopped seizing and his body relaxed, his eyes locking with Zack’s briefly.

“Sorry,” Cloud whispered slowly and quietly, before his eyes fluttered shut. Zack was shoved aside by Berev, who then picked Cloud up, carrying him out of the cell with little effort. The whitecoats followed, the cell door shut and locked behind them. Zack slammed himself into the bars, shouting. Reno walked to him quietly, placing a hand on his shoulder. 

“Stop,” he whispered. “All the shouting in the world won’t bring him back here right now. It won’t change anything.”

“What the fuck would you know, Reno?” The hand dropped from his shoulder, and Zack instantly regretted his words. “Shit. Reno, I’m--”

“It’s fine, Pretty Boy. Nothing I can’t handle.” The redhead walked to the bench that jutted out from the wall and sat, dropping his head into his hands. Zack slid down the wall across from him, sitting on the mat. 

“Do you still… do you think about him?” he asked quietly. Reno nodded.

“Every damn day. There’s mornings I wake up and still think he’s alive, that I’m going to roll over and he’ll be there, smiling at me. He always woke up before me, but he knew as soon as he started moving I’d wake up. So he’d reposition himself and wait, staring at me, smiling at me. Those mornings I wake up, thinking he’ll be there, thinking he’ll say something kind, get up and make coffee for us. Then I get to relive everything all over again. Every terrible fucking second of that day. It’s just… too much. It’s too much to feel. Strife reminds me so much of Damian. They have the same smile, the same eyes. I’d do anything to bring him back. Anything to talk to him again,” a sob escaped his lips, his hand covering his mouth. “He was the best part of my life, Pretty Boy. So yeah, I think about him a lot.” Zack stared up at the ceiling, processing.

“It’s my fault we’re in here, you know? I sent him in to finish Sephiroth. After I failed. After I, a SOLDIER First Class, failed to kill another SOLDIER First Class. I sent an infantryman, one I cared about, to kill a man I couldn’t. Cloud. A man I knew I had developed feelings for. I sent him knowing it wouldn’t turn out,” he said quietly.

“I know. I have access to the footage. I saw it,” Reno replied. “Gotta give it to him, he put up a wild fight. Sephiroth underestimated him. Sounds like you did, too.” 

Zack swallowed, his throat dry. “Footage?”

“Shinra facility. There’s cameras everywhere.” 

“Can I… can you show it to me?”

“I doubt you want that, Pretty Boy.”

“I need to know what I did, Reno. Please.” The turk sighed, knowing he couldn’t refuse what Zack was asking. He pulled his phone out of his pocket, pulling up the video. He tossed the phone to Zack, then walked towards the shower room.

“Here if you need me, Fair.”

Zack stared down at the phone for a moment, then pressed play. The screen flashed to the room that held Jenova. Sephiroth held his hands against the glass, studying the woman he called ‘Mother’, Zack’s sword stuck in the metal floor behind him. Cloud walked into the room, pulling the buster sword out, resting it over his shoulder. Suddenly, he was behind Sephiroth, the sword poised to strike. The next second, he had run Sephiroth through with the great blade, so forcefully that the glass tank Jenova resided in cracked with the force. The boy twisted the sword, then ripped it out, leaving the SOLDIER to fall to the ground, bleeding out. Cloud retreated, the camera switching to the next room, where Tifa lay lifeless on the ground and Zack lay on the stairs. Cloud ran to Tifa, cradling her body against his. 

A pang of jealousy pierced Zack’s chest. He closed his eyes briefly, telling himself to breathe. 

Footsteps rang in the recording, and Zack opened his eyes to see Sephiroth stumbling into the room. 

He saw himself push his dying body up, and heard himself issue the command he knew was coming:

“Cloud… finish Sephiroth off.” 

The boy nodded, brushing his hand gently across Tifa’s cheek before laying her back down. He picked up the Buster Sword once more, screaming Sephiroth’s name before flinging himself at the man. His attack was blocked, Sephiroth countering with Masamune. 

Cloud was thrown like a doll back into the room where Jenova rested. The camera flashed over. Cloud’s body lay on the floor, limp. 

Zack swallowed bile only to be faced with more.

Sephiroth struggled to walk to the boy, but there was a fire in his eyes that Zack had never seen before. Hatred and madness played across his features. Zack was so focused he barely saw the man pull his sword back, preparing to strike. 

He stabbed the blade through Cloud, the action causing the boy to awaken, gasping painfully. Tears poured from Zack’s eyes, silent sobs wracking his body. 

Cloud grasped the sword with both hands, pulling the blade deeper into his body, sliding it through until his feet met the floor. He cried out in pain as he used his body as leverage, hoisting a stunned Sephiroth into the air. 

He ripped the sword out of his chest, flinging Sephiroth into the electrical wall behind him. The sparks lit his body, then faded as he fell deep into the building.

Blood poured from Cloud like a fountain. He somehow stayed upright, clinging to the wall as he made his way back to the room where Zack and Tifa lay. His legs finally failed him, and Zack watched as his broken body slid down the stairs, coming to rest just a little out of Zack’s reach.

“You… did… it,” Zack heard himself whisper. He watched himself pass out, reaching for the boy’s blonde hair. The camera played for several moments more, and a cry tore it’s way from between Zack’s lips as he watched the boy wake and reach for him.

“Z..ack… “ His body gave up again and his head fell to the floor. The camera cut out. 

Zack was vaguely aware of the sound of someone screaming in horror as the recording ended. It wasn’t until he felt Reno’s hands come to the sides of his face that he realized the screams were coming from his own body. 

“Zack, Zack come on. Come back. Come on.” He locked eyes with Reno’s, the concern in the Turk’s eyes frightening him. He turned quickly away from the redhead as the bile rising in his throat finally won, retching as he vomited what little was in his stomach on to the floor. “Zack?” Reno prodded quietly, with one hand resting on the SOLDIER’s back, rubbing back and forth with comforting pressure.

“He trusted me,” Zack gasped. “He trusted me and I sent him to die. He did what I couldn’t do. He did it. And he still reached for me. Reno, he trusted me!” He was having a panic attack now. His chest tightened and his lungs were seemingly on fire. Reno stayed silent, biting back his own tears. “When you came to get him, Reno, was he…?”

“Dead,” Reno whispered. Zack retched again, the involuntary motion bringing him to the ground once again. “We used phoenix downs, one after another. I didn’t think… I didn’t think he was going to make it. But he did. They kept him asleep for so long. Almost a year. He was so… broken. The day they took you off of sedation was the day he finally opened his eyes. And your name was the first thing he said.”

The speaker that linked the cell to the lab room crackled to life. Hojo’s voice drifted through the air, making the hair on the back of Zack’s neck stand on end. 

“Well, he’s obviously  _ failed _ this trial,  _ Doctor. _ Something more aggressive is the direction I believe we need to proceed in. The tests from subject Fair are equally, if not more, disappointing. His cells won’t take any more of the mako or the modified cells. Too many years of low dose therapy. Subject Strife, on the other hand, is a curious case. His body has rejected the low volume mako. We will try a high dose of modified Jenova cells. No arguments! Proceed!”

Reno’s grip on Zack’s back tightened. Zack wasn’t sure who was shaking harder. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys are the BEE'S KNEES. Thank you so so so much for reading and thank you even more for your amazing comments. I needed Zack to go through this memory. I needed him to know what happened to Cloud. AND WHY NOT THROW IN SOME DEATH!? 
> 
> We are getting to the rough stuff, guys. Buckle up.
> 
> I adore you all.
> 
> Several of you messaged and asked if I had a Ko-fi link. I do, and I'll post it below. PLEASE, do not feel obligated to leave me anything. Your comments and reads are why I do this.
> 
> <3
> 
> https://ko-fi.com/alyssawritesthings


	14. Taken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> CW: Rape/implied rape. 
> 
> There are no graphic descriptions of rape actually taking place. Even so, I have marked the sensitive content with ***, both before and after. If you wish to skip, scroll to the second set of ***.

He could feel everything, but his body was frozen. He could feel everything, but he couldn’t say anything. He wanted to scream against the piercing feeling of the needles being shoved into his veins, wanted to thrash against the restraints placed around his wrists and ankles, but could only sit in silent terror as blood was drawn from his body and medications injected. Tears ran down the sides of his face as the bot pierced the skin of his hip again, driving deep into the bone. The torture stopped as the samples were examined, the blood spun down, and the marrow transferred to slides.

A  _ failure.  _ That’s what Hojo had called him. Over and over. He had said it as soon as he examined his blood, again when he had examined the marrow pulled from his hip, and three times as he cut Cloud’s skin, pressing the scalpel to his abdomen, upper arm and inner thigh. The cuts burned, and did not heal in a rapid fashion, as the Professor was hoping they would. Blood oozed from the wounds, and Hojo ranted.

“Useless. What good was the year we spent fixing him if he isn’t any good to us now!?”

_ A year? I’ve been here for over a year?  _

“...We will try a high dose of modified Jenova cells. No arguments! Proceed!” The whitecoat within Cloud’s line of sight dropped his head in a defeated fashion. He accessed the refrigerated machine that held the medications and experimental compounds that had been injected into Cloud and Zack over and over again, and pulled a black IV bag from it. This one held many warning labels, and the whitecoat handled it as though it were a bomb. 

Cloud twitched one of his fingers, and realized the paralytic was wearing off. He rolled his head to the side, realizing the movement was all the strength he had left. The whitecoat pushed a needle through the port beneath Cloud’s skin, flushing it with cold saline. He started the IV drip, and Cloud felt as though his veins were being ripped apart. Tears continued to stream from his eyes and he knew had he not been subject to the paralyzing drug, he would have screamed himself unconscious. As it was, he could only wish for death to take him.

Zack was brought to a new treatment room, a room separate from Cloud. He resumed answering every question he was asked with “where is he?”, the statement often choked from between teeth clenched in pain. He was receiving high doses of mako through his port, the treatment painful. The sessions left him drained, weak, and often on his knees on the floor of the shower room, throwing up. He had taken mako injections while in SOLDIER, the compound allowing him to be stronger than any normal man, but the amount pumping through his veins now was detrimental. He could barely stand, and keeping food down wasn’t something his body was willing to do. It went on like this for days, Zack moved back and forth from the lab to the cell by the large man who stood in the corner, whose name remained unknown to him. 

Cloud was not brought back to the cell. 

On the fifth day of the high dose treatment, Reno found him laying face down in the shower in a pool of his own vomit. 

“Shit. Come on, Pretty Boy, gotta get up.” Reno’s voice registered as frantic in Zack’s mind. He was vaguely aware of the redhead dragging him to the wall, sitting him upright, and removing his clothing. He turned the water on, the stream running over Zack. He was again only vaguely aware of the retching sound the Turk was making in the corner, unsure if it was the vomit or the sight of his broken body causing the reaction. 

“Sorry,” he said, just loud enough to be heard over the stream of the water. Reno knelt in front of him, naked except for his underwear, long red hair becoming soaked under the water. His eyes were full of concern, his brows knit together. 

“Don’t,” he said. “There’s nothing for you to be sorry for. Let’s get you cleaned up. I brought food.” He ran soap over the man’s chest, washed his hair, and cleaned the rest of his body quietly. Zack shook his head, tilting his neck back until he stared at the ceiling, chest tightening in shame. “Stop, Zack. It’s fine. Believe it or not, I’ve seen a naked man before.” 

“Don’t think I can keep any food down,” he said. Reno turned off the water and pulled Zack to his feet, walking with the man slowly back to the bench to help him dress. He carried the man back to the mat in the cell, setting him propped against the wall. He handed him the tray of food and watched as the SOLDIER ate tentatively. “Where is Cloud?” Zack asked after a few quiet bites. Reno sighed, shaking his head and dropping his face into his hands. 

“They won’t tell me,” he said.

“Rude’s with him now?” 

“Nah. He’s on another assignment.”

Zack’s stomach dropped, cold sweat breaking out all over his body. 

“Reno, who is assigned to Cloud?”

***

The Turk sprinted down the hall, running to the cell that once was Cloud’s. He held his EMR in one hand, the other held his phone, pressed to his ear. 

“Sir, yes. I believe that Subject Strife is in danger. Yes. Berev, sir. It has come to my attention that his… behavior towards the Subject in the past has been… yes, sir. I believe that actions that could take place would be detrimental to the outcomes of the experiment. Yes, sir. I can handle him, sir.” he shoved the phone quickly back into his pocket, rounding a corner that would lead to the cell block he hoped Cloud would be in. 

He came to the door, and his fears were realized. 

Cloud lay on the floor, face down, naked from the waist down. He was crying, jagged sobs ripping from between his lips, mixed in with cries of pain. Berev stood behind him, zipping his pants up, wiping sweat from his brow. 

“I knew I’d find the best way to hurt you, you little slut. Knew I could make it enjoyable for me. You know how long it’s been since I fucked anything that tight?”

Reno unlocked the door, hands shaking, and threw the cell door open. Berev barely had time to react before Reno had his EMR pressed to his neck. 

“On your knees,” Reno growled. Berev laughed. 

“If you wanted me to save you some, you should’ve told me. He’s probably not up for much more. I’m not really one for having a cock in my mouth, but if it’s yours…”

“Shut up. Shut the fuck up. You piece of shit.”

“Ah, don’t want me, then? Figures. Blondes are obviously your type. Strife, that little boyfriend you had before this experiment started… not quite sure which one was the better fuck. It’s only fair that you would want to know. Yours though, what was his name? Damian? Yes. He was quieter. This one,” he motioned to Cloud, “wouldn’t stop crying and screaming--”

Reno discharged the EMR, holding the rod firmly to the side of the large man’s neck. He knelt as Berev fell to the ground, holding the discharge button as the man shook violently. Tears fell from Reno’s eyes as he was forced to relieve finding his lover, forced to learn that his assault had been more violent than Reno could’ve imagined. He held it as the man’s eyes rolled back in his head, held it still as his nose began to bleed and the smell of urine filled the air. He held it until the man stopped trying to fight back, until he stopped moving on his own. He quietly tucked the rod away, wiped his nose, and turned his attention toward the boy laying on the ground. He knelt by Cloud, scanning the room for his pants. He could only locate his boxers, retrieving them from across the cell. He pulled the shorts gently over Cloud’s feet, tugging them up his legs. 

Cloud’s sobs intensified. “Please don’t touch me!” he shouted. Reno’s heart broke. He laid on the ground next to Cloud, speaking in a calm, even tone.

“Cloud, it’s me. It’s Reno. It’s… what happened… it’s over. I just want to get your shorts on and take you back to Zack, okay?” Cloud cried harder. Reno was about to panic. 

“He’ll hate me, Reno. I can’t go back. I can’t.” 

“Baby Boy, no. He could never hate you. We have to get you back there. Back where it’s safe and--”

“Nowhere is safe, Reno. Don’t you get that? No one is safe. And there’s nothing I can do! He just… he just held me down, Reno! Like I was nothing! There was nothing I could do, and I just--” a cry of pure agony tore it’s way from Cloud’s throat. Reno had to sit up quickly, to turn himself away from the blonde and shut his eyes. He had heard that sound before. It had come from his own lips, right after he had shot Damian.

“Cloud, Zack needs you. And you need him. Please, Baby Boy. Please. Just let me take you back there.” Cloud quieted, nodding against the ground. Reno tugged his shorts up over his legs, seating them on his waist. He tried to ignore the way blood soaked through the fabric, but found himself turning to retch. He rolled the boy gently over, retching again as he saw the state of Cloud’s face, bruised and swollen. 

***

He picked him up with as much care as he would’ve used on a child, tucking him into his body. Cloud pushed his head into the space under Reno’s chin, shivering. 

“I wish he would’ve just killed me,” the boy whispered. 

Tears trailed down Reno’s cheeks, and for a moment he considered killing the boy himself. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, it happened. 
> 
> I debated scrapping this chapter, I really did. But the story I have planned just didn't make sense without it. Terrible things happened in the lab, things that changed the actual character of Zack and Cloud. 
> 
> That being said, this isn't something to be taken lightly. If you have experienced abuse like this, know you aren't alone. Know that hope is real, and help exists. I'm here if you need a stranger to talk to.
> 
> AND AGAIN, thank you so so SO MUCH for reading this fiction. It means so much to me that so many of you have stuck with me. I'm absolutely loving your comments, loving your reactions, and loving getting to interact with you. Please keep commenting! You guys are keeping me going!
> 
> We've turned a big corner, and I can't wait to show you what's waiting.
> 
> <3


	15. Aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *** To mark a brief reference to rape.

“Turn on the shower!” Reno called down the hall. He was frantic. Cloud had whimpered for several minutes after the redhead had retrieved him, then stopped making sound. His skin was hot, the sensation making Reno uncomfortable. Zack stood at the door of the cell, trembling fingers wrapped around the bars. As Reno shouted down the hall, he moved as quickly as his weakened body would allow, turning the water on and turning back towards the main room just as the Turk carried Cloud through the door. He sat the boy down gently on the bench, dropping into a squat in front of him. Zack dropped to the ground, his body’s weakness and the shock of the sight of Cloud’s face too much for him to handle. Reno heard him hit the ground and turned, leaving the blonde propped against the wall. He crouched in front of Zack, placed his hands on the man’s shoulders, and shook him gently.

“He needs you, Zack. Not the time to fall apart. He needs you.” He went back to Cloud, speaking gently to the boy. “Hey, Baby Boy. Let’s get you cleaned up, okay? Come on, let’s get you undressed and in the water. Hey hey, you’re safe here. It’s okay.” Cloud’s eyes were wide with panic, his chest rising and falling rapidly. Reno tried to calm him down, but the boy began to cry, deep sobs shaking his whole body. 

Zack pushed himself off of the floor, walking over to the bench Cloud sat on. Reno moved, and Zack took the spot in front of the blonde. 

“Hey, babe.” Cloud sobbed louder, turning his head away from the SOLDIER. Zack steadied his own breathing, making sure his voice wouldn’t break when he spoke again. “I’m so glad you’re back,” he whispered. He drew lazy shapes across the back of one of Cloud’s hands, counting his own breaths to try and keep calm. “I missed you, Cloud. I missed you. Let me help you get cleaned up, okay? Reno can find you some clean clothes, we can get some food. Come on, let me help you, okay? I love you.” Cloud turned his face to Zack’s, and the man’s stomach turned. One of his eyes was swollen shut, the skin surrounding it dark, the bruise blossoming across his cheek. The other eye was bloodshot, full of tears and a fear that Zack had never seen. “I love you,” he repeated quietly. “Come on, let’s shower.” he gently tugged Cloud’s shirt over his head, wincing at the sight of the bruises that littered his shoulders and chest. He helped him to his feet and tugged down his shorts. 

He saw the blood on the clothing and tears spilled from his eyes. Cloud walked towards the water, and Zack saw the trail of red from his inner thigh, creeping down the remainder of his leg as the blood mixed with the humid air. His back was covered in bruises and scratches, trailing down to his hips. 

“Reno…” Zack managed to choke. The man was already at his side, pulling Zack’s head into his shoulder. 

“He’s scared. He’s scared that you’ll be mad at him. He’s scared you don’t want him anymore. He’s scared you’ll never see him as anything else. He needs you to just be you. Just be the person who loves him.”

“He told you that?” he whispered. Reno shook his head.

“I’ve lived a lot of life, Fair. Not all good.” 

“Reno what happened? What did he do?” The Turk shook his head again.

“ I’m gonna go find him some new clothes. I’ll grab food while I’m out.” he left the cell quietly, leaving Zack alone with Cloud. He pulled off his own clothing, making his way to the water. He grabbed the soap that sat on the bench and approached Cloud, who was standing under the stream with his forehead against the wall. 

“Hey,” Zack whispered softly, “let’s get you cleaned up, okay? Do you want to sit or stand?”

“Sit, please.” Cloud whispered. Zack helped him to the ground, then lathered the soap. He started with the boy’s hair, washing it with plenty of suds before letting the water rinse it clean. He continued with his shoulders, back and chest, then each of his arms. When he was finished, he held the bar of soap out to Cloud. “Here, babe. I’ll let you finish.”

“Please, can you… help me?” the boy asked. He was shaking, and Zack’s heart was breaking.

“Of course. Of course. Let’s stand you up, okay?” He helped Cloud to his feet again, then washed his low back. His hands slid gently over the curve of his buttocks, holding his breath. His fingertips moved over Cloud’s hips, massaging the soap gently into the skin, down his groin and then finally his legs. 

He had dreamed of touching Cloud, but not like this. The boy shook, tears continued to fall from his good eye. Zack turned the water off, turning to the man he had come to love. 

“Let’s get dressed and eat some food, okay?” Cloud nodded, and Zack took his hand, leading him gently back to the bench. Reno had left new clothes for both of them, and Zack helped the blonde dress before taking care of himself. They made their way back to the main room of the cell, Cloud gingerly lowering himself down to the mat on the floor. Zack handed him a tray of food from the bench, then grabbed his own food, sitting down next to the boy. They ate quietly, the only sound that interrupted them being the occasional sob that escaped Cloud’s lips. 

Reno came back to the cell just as they were finishing their meals. He looked disheveled, hair out of place and clothes wrinkled. He sat on the bench across from the two men, pulled out a cigarette and lit it, taking a deep drag. 

“He’s dead,” he said after a moment. Cloud sobbed, and Zack let out a breath he didn’t know he had been holding. 

“Reno, I’m sorry… about Damian,” Cloud said quietly. The redhead dropped his head into his hands and sobbed once. “And thank y--”

“It’s nothing, Baby Boy. He’s not gonna hurt anyone else, okay?” A tear rolled down the man’s cheek before he stood, clearing his throat. “Gotta go,” he said, voice trembling. “See ya tomorrow.” He walked toward the door, and Zack stood quickly, grabbing the man’s arm. Reno turned to him, eyes sad and frantic.

“Reno, I…”

“Just take care of him, Zack. I saved him from one monster, but there’s always something worse out there. Always.” he tugged his arm away from Zack, unlocking the door and letting himself out. He could hear the man sob as he walked down the hall. Zack turned back to Cloud, who had his head propped up against the wall, eyes closed. He sat quietly next to the boy, twisting their fingers together until the boy pulled his hand away. 

“Cloud!?” 

“Do you hate me?” The boy whispered. Zack turned to him, hurt blossoming in his own chest. He placed his hand on Cloud’s thigh, choking out words as quickly as they came to mind.

“Cloud, why would you--”

“Please don’t touch me!” Cloud shouted, pushing his body away from Zack, drawing his limbs into himself. Zack withdrew his own arm like he had been attacked. Realizing how he had reacted, Cloud started to sob. “I’m sorry, Zack. I’m so, so sorry. I didn’t mean… fuck, I’m so --” 

“I could never hate you, Cloud. You could kill me yourself, stick a knife straight through my heart, and I’d take my last breath telling you I love you.” he ran a hand through his hair, breathing to keep himself from crying. “I love you. No matter what.” Cloud sobbed harder, twisting his own fingers into his hair, pulling blonde spikes as he rocked side to side. 

“Did Reno…did he tell y-you what hap-happened?” Zack shook his head slowly.

“No.”

***

“He raped me, Zack. It was like… like I was nothing. I fought and I fought and it didn’t fucking matter. He was inside of me, and all I could do was scream. He beat me and held me down and raped me. He just kept telling me how much he loved making me hurt, how good it felt, how he’d been waiting to get me alone from the start. He told me… he told me he was happy he ruined me for you.” A wounded cry escaped his lips, and the boy collapsed into himself even farther than he already had. 

***

Bile rose in Zack’s throat. He turned quickly, pushing himself off of the sleeping mat to the cell door. He gagged and the vomit rushed forward, spattering onto the floor. Hot tears ran down his face, born of embarrassment and rage. When he was sure his body was done reacting, he crawled back onto the mat, where Cloud still sobbed.

“I love you,” he whispered. “Nothing could ruin that. No one could ruin that.” The sobbing slowed, the cries that accompanied quieted. “I love you, and I’m only angry that I wasn’t there to protect you.”

“There’s no protection here, Zack,” Cloud whispered. “I’m sorry.”

“Cloud, can I hold you? If that’s okay?” the boy nodded, crawling back to where Zack sat. He tucked himself into his chest, and the man’s arms wrapped around him, drawing his body closer. “We’re going to get out of here, Cloud. I promise. We’re going to make it.”

“When we do, can we sit under the stars?” the boy asked. He was shaking against Zack’s body, shock and fear settling in. The man pressed his lips to Cloud’s hair, holding him a little tighter.

“Of course we can. Maybe even on the beach. Just us.”

“I would like that.”

“Me too.”

“Hojo said he’s trialing us in the tanks tomorrow. Any idea what that is?”

“Probably couldn’t even guess. I’ll never have that bastard figured out.”

“Yeah. Probably another thing I’ll fail at.” 

Silence hung in the air, thick.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back with another chapter! As you can tell by the ending conversation, WE ARE GETTING THERE. Sorry for the delay, life kicked me straight in the shin these past couple of weeks! I had to have ankle surgery on Friday, so I'll be chilling at home for a couple of weeks, and I plan to get a lot of this story written!
> 
> Your responses to the last chapter were incredible. Thank you for understanding that it had to be written the way that it was. I adore every single one of you. Your comments, as always, really keep me going. Please continue to let me know what you think! ALSO, I'm not getting notified when comments are posted, and from what I understand some people aren't getting notified when new chapters post? 
> 
> Quick question! If I wrote out the story of Reno/Damian, would you guys be interested in reading it? I know it's not canon, and I don't know how you feel about original characters, but if there was a want for it I really think it could be a heartbreaker of a story!


	16. Peace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WE HAVE ARRIVED.

Morning came, and they were left alone. Zack woke first, finding Cloud curled against his chest, the weight and warmth comforting. A whitecoat unlocked the door to the cell and Zack sat up with a start, shocking Cloud awake. The boy flinched at the sight of the Shinra employee, drawing himself into the wall, making his body as small as possible. The SOLDIER put an arm out across the boy, a protective move. The whitecoat held his hands out in front of him.

“I’m just here to draw some blood, okay? No meds. I’m not taking you anywhere. Hojo just wants to check some levels before you start testing for the tanks. Just a little poke.”

“It’s never just a poke,” Zack spat at the man. “I’m starting to wonder if any of you ever handled a needle before Hojo brought you here.” The whitecoat took a few steps closer to the two, crouching in front of Zack. As their gazes met, Zack was surprised to find kindness in the man’s eyes. 

“I don’t want to hurt you, promise. And I’ve handled plenty of needles before. I worked with sick kids in the undercity slums, before being brought here. I don’t dig for veins. Trust me.” 

“I don’t trust any of you bastards,” Zack growled. The man smiled at him.

“Here’s a secret, neither do I.” Zack almost smiled back. Cloud sat up a little bit, addressing the man.

“Then why are you here?” he asked quietly. The man turned to him, the kindness in his eyes replaced with sympathy and sadness.

“Shinra gets what they want, one way or another. I found that out. You’re Cloud, right?” Cloud nodded. “I hear you don’t really like needles. Do you want to go first, or watch Zack go before you? It’s your choice.” Cloud stared down at the floor, and Zack rubbed his knee gently. 

“Let’s just get it over with.” The man nodded, pulling gloves and a tourniquet out of his coat pocket. 

“Let’s see your arm,” he said, holding a gloved hand out. Cloud groaned and presented his arm reluctantly. The whitecoat took it, gently pressing down on his skin with his pointer finger. He nodded softly to himself, then tied the tourniquet around the boy’s forearm. “We’re gonna go for one in your hand, okay? Squeeze my hand.” Cloud did as he was told, and his breathing accelerated. “Hey, it’s okay. Take a nice deep breath, focus on slowing that breathing down for me, okay? Good. Another nice deep breath in, and let it out slow.” As the boy exhaled, the whitecoat pressed the needle gently through the skin, blood flashing back immediately. He collected two vials, then removed the needle, holding gauze over the needle site. “See? Not so bad, right? You did great. How are you feeling?”

“I’m… I’m fine,” Cloud said quietly. The whitecoat applied a small bandaid to the spot and turned to Zack, who was already holding his arm out. 

“Wherever,” he said. The man changed his gloves and pulled out new equipment, not having to search for a vein long. They were all silent as he collected Zack’s blood, Cloud resting his forehead against Zack’s shoulder, and the whitecoat staring at the collection tubes. 

“Cloud, how are you feeling otherwise?” the blonde quickly cast his eyes down at the question, knowing full well that word of his rape had spread throughout the facility. 

“I’m fine,” he whispered. 

“Any bleeding?”

“Not since yesterday.”

“How’s your eye?”

“It hurts. But if I hold it open I can see.” 

“Any nausea or weakness? Difficulty breathing?”

“No. Nothing out of the ordinary.”

“Good.” The man applied a bandaid to the spot on Zack’s arm that he had drawn blood from. “If anything changes, please let me know. I’ll be overseeing your health as the tank treatment progresses.” He stood and walked out of the cell, smiling gently at Cloud before locking the door. 

Zack reached across his body to his shoulder, where Cloud’s head still rested. He ruffled blonde hair, turning his own head so that he could press his lips to Cloud’s forehead. “At least that guy wasn’t terrible,” he said. Cloud nodded. Reno entered the cell, carrying two trays of food. He handed one to each of them, sitting on the bench.

“Eat up,” he said. He ran a hand over his face, and Zack noted how tired his eyes were. Cloud stared at the man, speaking to him quietly as he took a bite of his food.

“Reno, are you --”

“They’ll be here to take you soon,” the redhead interrupted. “You should focus on eating.” Cloud took another bite, the questions he had for Reno dying in his throat. Zack finished his food first, draining the bottle of water on the tray. As he screwed the lid back on the bottle, Cloud’s tray crashed to the ground. He turned to see the boy’s eyes fluttering shut, watched as his body slumped against the wall, unconscious. As he tried to pull the boy upright, he was hit with a wave of fatigue. His gaze snapped to Reno, and the SOLDIER had a realization:

Reno had poisoned them. “Reno, you fucking--” he slumped to the ground as Cloud had. 

“I’m so sorry,” the man sobbed. The last thing he saw were tears pouring from Reno’s eyes. 

He woke up to the sound of a pneumatic lock sealing. He sat up, finding an IV attached to his port. He was naked. He was sitting in the bottom of what he could only assume was the “tank” that had been referenced multiple times. It was a cylinder, made of glass and metal, a steel grate made up the floor. The metal was cold against his skin. He followed the IV tubing, finding it connected to a black bag covered in warnings. Mako? No. He had seen the mako bags. This was something different. Something more dangerous. As he regained more of his consciousness, he was able to look around the room, his eyes tracking the blurred shapes of whitecoats on the other side of the glass. He turned a little more and saw a second tank and the blurry outline of Cloud’s body. Zack scrunched his eyes, rubbing them, trying to bring his sight back. He opened and closed them several times, then fixated on Cloud’s form again, this time with more clarity. He was hooked up to the same style IV bag that Zack was. It was unclear if he had woken up yet or not. A wave of nausea rose up as he looked at the boy’s naked form, thinner than ever and covered in bruises and scratches from his assault. 

He looked like he should be dead. The thought broke Zack’s heart.

He was brought back to the present by the sound of an intercom activating. He saw the whitecoat that had drawn their blood earlier step up to the tank, speaking into a microphone.

“Subject Fair, in a few moments we will begin the tank trial. Following this, you will both be returned to your cell. Before we start, how are you feeling?” Zack took a deep breath, considering his answer.

“Like all of you can fuck off.” The whitecoat sighed and switched the intercom off, signaling to a man Zack couldn’t see. A whooshing sound filled the tank, loud enough to prompt him to cover his ears. A cold liquid touched his skin, and Zack looked down at the grate. 

Mako was being pumped into the tank. He turned his gaze to the tank Cloud was in, the same liquid bubbling at the bottom of the boy’s prison. Zack stood, trying to avoid the mako as long as possible. He screamed for Cloud to move, to wake up, to do anything but lay there. He beat on the glass, kicked, threw his body against the tank walls and cried. It was only when Cloud’s eyes met his that he stopped his wild fit. He watched in horror as Cloud struggled to stand, as he fought to avoid the rising mako, legs giving out as he tried to get away from it. He let himself fall back to the tank floor, eyes meeting Zack’s across the room. He pressed his hand to the glass and mouthed something to Zack:

_ I love you. I’m sorry. _

Zack watched as the mako rose over Cloud’s head. He watched as the boy breathed in and thrashed, screamed as the thrashing ceased and Cloud floated, eyes closed and body unmoving in the tank. He screamed as his own body was covered, cried as he drew the deepest breath of air he could at the top of the tank. He only thought of how he loved Cloud, how he wished things would’ve been different for them, how he wished he could hold him one last time. He thought of Cloud pressing his lips to his own as his body forced him to breath in, lungs on fire. He was overtaken by a strangely calm sensation, and his last thought was wondering why he had fought so hard to keep himself and Cloud alive if death was this calm, this peaceful.

He woke violently in the cell, vomiting green slime. Breathing hurt. Everything hurt. Death wasn’t supposed to hurt. 

Reno was in the corner of the cell, knees drawn into his chest, sobbing violently, streaks the color of his hair painting his white shirt.

Cloud lay next to him, naked. Eyes open, but a hundred years away. 

Eyes that now shone with the familiar glow of mako.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's heating up, guys. I'm so excited about the story from this point on. Obviously we have a little lab stuff left, we have to find out what happened to Reno, but from there we ESCAPE.
> 
> Sincerely, thank you guys for sticking with me and reading. Thank you for commenting. I know updates have been erratic from the start, I know the chapters aren't always long, but the response from you guys is never any less amazing. I adore every single one of you.
> 
> Obviously there will be some tweaks to the story as we move forward. I can't write the story the way I want it to go and keep things the same. I want to stick close to the canon story line, but we've already diverged from there. That's the beautiful thing about fanfiction, right? We get to write things that didn't happen. We get to write as we imagine it. I realize that we may not always agree, but I appreciate your continued support moving forward. Thank you SO MUCH to everyone who continues to comment. Like I've said before, that is what keeps me going.
> 
> About this chapter: ouch, am I right?


	17. Escape

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The longest set up ever.

He wasn’t sure how long he had been holding Cloud in his arms, pulled tight into his chest. Hours, for sure. He had tried to shake the boy into consciousness, he had screamed at him, pounded on his chest harder than he cared to admit. 

Nothing had worked. Cloud lay motionless in his arms.

Reno had continued to sob, growing quieter over time. Zack said nothing to him, still angry over the man’s betrayal of his trust. Eventually the redhead sobbed himself to sleep, still hugging his knees to his chest in the corner. Zack rocked gently back and forth, hoping the boy was finding comfort in the motion. Had his mother rocked him like this when he was a child? What had his life been like before Shinra? 

He wanted to know Cloud, to fall more in love with him. He wanted to know everything that he had gone through, the good and the bad.

He was starting to believe that he would never get the chance. 

The whitecoat that had drawn their blood entered the cell. He crouched in front of Zack and Cloud, sympathy playing across his features. 

“Has he woken up at all?” Zack shook his head, not trusting himself to speak. He was too scared and too full of anger. The man looked at Zack for a brief moment, then spoke again. “My name is Dr. Lark, Zack. And I know you don’t like me or anyone else here. And I can’t blame you for that. But I’m not here to hurt you. I’m here to make sure you both are okay. I’m here to make sure you both survive. And that’s what you want, isn’t it?” The question hung in the air for a moment, then Zack broke down. Rough, ragged sobs tore their way out of his throat, his body shook, and he clung Cloud tighter to his body.

“I don’t know,” he cried. “I don’t know if living is worth it, if this is all we have left! He’s never lived! He’s never known anything that wasn’t childhood or Shinra. Do you know what he wants? He wants to see the stars. He wants to sit outside, and stare up at them? Do you have any idea how badly I wish I could give that to him? The one thing the person I love wants, and I can’t guarantee they’ll get it in the rest of their lifetime! And you know what makes it even fucking worse? The one thing keeping me from just smashing my own skull against the wall? It’s my fault. I’m the reason we’re here. I sent Cloud to finish MY fight. I’m the reason he DIED. I’m the reason he was brought back, and I’m the reason that bastard Berev--” 

“It’s not… your… fault,” a quiet voice interrupted him. Cloud’s hand rose slowly to the side of his face, cupping his cheek gently. “... none of this… is.” Zack turned his face into Cloud’s palm, pressing his lips gently to his cool skin. His body continued to shake with silent sobs. The doctor turned his attention to Cloud, leaving Zack to gather himself. 

“Cloud, how are you feeling?” The boy appeared to think about his answer for a moment before he spoke. 

“Slow,” he said. “Like… my body is… behind my thoughts and… words are… hard to find.” The doctor looked mildly concerned, and pressed his hand to Cloud’s forehead. 

“I need to take some blood, okay?” Cloud nodded, then turned his face into Zack’s chest, leaving his arm exposed. He quickly drew several vials from Cloud’s arm, then turned to leave. He looked back to Zack for a moment, speaking once more. “When Reno wakes up, tell him that the boy is stable.” He locked the cell behind him.

“He thinks I’m dying,” Cloud said quietly. Zack sat him up gently, kneeling in front of him. He placed his hands gently on the sides of Cloud’s face, brushing his thumbs gently across his skin. Cloud closed his eyes, leaning into the touch. “What if… he’s right?” he asked softly. 

“He’s not, babe. He’s not. You’re not dying. You’re not… you’re not going to die.”

“Would it… really be the… worst thing?” Zack blinked through tears, dropping his gaze to the floor.

“Can’t see the stars if you die in here, Baby Boy. Seems like a bad deal,” Reno spoke from the corner. Zack turned to the man, swallowing back anger. 

“Doc said to tell you that the boy is stable. Whatever the fuck that means.” The redhead burst into tears, curling back up. Cloud pushed himself away from the wall, leaning towards Reno. 

“Hey, are you… okay?” The Turk looked up at the boy, clearly distraught. 

“Shinra, they thought that… they thought I was… leaking information. They thought I told someone about you… I swear I fucking didn’t. But they didn’t believe me, they didn’t even ask anyone around here if they had heard anything, they just fucking went with what they thought. And they fucking… they got my brother! FUCK! They just… left him laying there, bleeding. They left him for me to fucking find, right outside my goddamn room. I didn’t know what the fuck else to do, so I called the doc. I didn’t know what to do. He was just… he was just fucking laying there, calling for me. I didn’t know what else to do.” Cloud stood slowly, walking on shaky legs to where Reno sat, sitting down beside him and pulling the redhead into his chest. Reno tensed up for a moment, unsure of how to react. 

“It’s okay,” Cloud whispered. Reno fell apart. The blonde held him tight, and for the first time in years, the redhead felt safe. 

Zack watched in amazement, tears pouring from his own eyes. Cloud was a better person than he would ever be. A better person than he could hope to be. “The doc said he was stable, that’s good, right?” He said. Reno nodded against Cloud’s chest, sobs becoming quieter and more controlled. “He’s going to be okay, Reno. You’re going to be okay.”

“Thanks, Baby Boy. You’re a fucking wonder, you know that?” Cloud smiled at him. Zack felt a pang of jealousy in his chest, seeing his favorite smile being directed at someone that wasn’t him. To his relief, Cloud stood up, walked back over to the mat, and slowly lowered himself back to the ground. Reno stood as well, walking over to Zack. He stared at the floor as he addressed the man. “Listen, I’m sorry. They had my brother. I couldn’t do anything.” Zack sighed.

“Yeah, I get it.”

“Thanks.”

“Zack… are they… coming… back?” Cloud whispered. He looked sicker than he had moments ago, paler. Zack looked back at Reno, who nodded softly. The SOLDIER turned back to Cloud, sitting down next to him. He twisted his fingers between the boy’s, then pressed his lips gently to the back of Cloud’s hand. 

“Yeah, babe. They’ll be back.” Cloud slumped against Zack, skin warm. 

“If I… die… will you… look at the… stars for… me?” he asked quietly. Zack bit back tears, turning his head to press his lips gently to Cloud’s. 

“Yeah, Cloud. I will. Promise.” 

Cloud closed his eyes and rested his head against Zack’s shoulder. Reno left quietly, returning several hours later with food. Zack looked at him with a question in his eyes. Reno breathed out quickly, then spoke. “It’s the food or they come in with tranquilizers.” Cloud took a bite of bread without thinking twice. Zack followed suit, holding the boy as they fell asleep. 

He woke up just in time to see Cloud succumb to the mako again, then drown.

It wasn’t any easier than the first time. 

He knew they were in the tanks longer than they had been before, because he started to dream. He dreamt of the time before he made SOLDIER 1st Class, of the first time he had seen Cloud, of spending time with him before Nibelheim. He had known that he had feelings for the recruit early on, and also knew that there was no way he could act on those feelings. 

He dreamt of Angeal. 

They were let out of the tanks for fifteen minutes every day, to eat and take care of any personal needs. They never finished meals, spending more time vomiting mako than anything else. The levels in the tank had been adjusted after the first day, Dr. Lark convincing Hojo that Cloud would die from mako poisoning if the current levels were continued. Even with less mako, Cloud was sluggish.

By the third week in the tank, Cloud stopped eating. 

By six weeks, he stopped responding. Zack watched him floating in the tank across from his own, body unmoving. Even when the tanks were refilled after the 15 minute reprieve, Cloud didn’t fight. He didn’t thrash. He didn’t indicate that he was alive. Zack stopped eating during his break to move Cloud’s limbs, trying to keep him from losing any more muscle mass than he already had. Dr. Lark started pumping liquid nutrition into the boy, speaking quietly to Zack, telling him he was doing what he could. 

At three months, Zack was welcoming death, challenging it to come and get him. Cloud was gaunt, cheeks thin and bones sticking out, Zack barely able to find a pulse. Dr. Lark did what he could to keep him alive, pumping him full of drugs to keep his heart beating. 

Zack wished he would let the boy die. 

At four months, Zack stopped keeping track of time. He stopped eating. He stopped helping with Cloud. He withdrew completely into himself, unwilling to deal with the pain of existing. 

He didn’t know how much time had passed when he dreamt of Angeal again. 

“ _ Giving up? Not like you, Zack. Not like a SOLIDER. Pull yourself together. You have a man in your command.” _

“I can’t, Angeal. I don’t have anything left. I can’t get out. I can’t save him.”

_ “That’s a lot of ‘cants’, Fair. I don’t like it. Doesn’t sound like you. You’ve always been the first to say you could, the first to complete something we all thought was impossible.” _

“Yeah, well, I guess that’s over.”

_ “Don’t want to see him again, huh? Ready to give up, just like that?” _

“Of course I want to see him! I want nothing more! Do you know how badly I want a life with him? How badly I want to be able to just stare up at the stars with him?” 

_ “Sounds like you know what to do then.” _

Zack swore he saw a white wing drift across the tank room. The glass in front of him shattered, and he was dumped onto the floor. A whitecoat entered the room, carrying food. Zack pushed himself quickly to a standing position, punching the man before he could react. He hit the floor, breathing but unconscious. 

He moved to Cloud’s tank, hitting the drain button, opening the door before the mako was fully removed. Cloud fell into his arms, and Zack pulled him into his chest. 

“We’re getting out of here, babe. We’re getting out.” He sat Cloud down gently in a chair, searching the room for their clothes. He gasped when he pulled a cabinet open and found his SOLDIER uniform and Cloud’s infantry clothes. He dressed himself before dressing the blonde, trying to keep his stomach from turning as he looked at the bloodstained cut in the chest of the uniform, matching up perfectly with the scars on Cloud’s chest and back. He gently brushed the hair out of the boy’s face, staring for a moment into his open eyes. “I know you’re in there, Cloud. I know it. I’m sorry. I’m sorry I gave up for a minute. But I promise we’re getting out of here now, okay. We’re gonna go get our own place and climb up on the roof every night and stare at the stars. We’re gonna stare at them till we’re sick of ‘em. You and me, Cloud. Fuck this place and fuck Hojo. I need you to help me as much as you can, okay? Just whatever you can give me. Even if it’s just a little bit of a stand and push. I’ve got the rest. Let’s get out of here. I love you.” Zack pulled him to a stand, shocked and pleased to find that the boy was able to get his feet under him, but not surprised to find that he had to drag him to move forward. 

He walked towards the door, clinging to Cloud. 

“Cloud, we’re getting out of here, or we’ll die trying.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, the next chapter is where things are going to get really good. This one was a little tough to get through, but overall I'm pleased with how it turned out. 
> 
> THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCH FOR YOUR CONTINUED SUPPORT. You're amazing. Your reads and comments are what keep me going. I can't wait to see what you guys think of things moving forward. There's going to be some really great moments. I will be skipping some events and paraphrasing in order to keep things from dragging too much. 
> 
> <3 You guys rock. Let's get these boys out of here!
> 
> https://ko-fi.com/alyssawritesthings


	18. Death

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A long one. A sad one.

They had been in Nibelheim the whole time. The lab was under Shinra mansion. Zack had to work incredibly hard to stay upright when he had realized it. They had been in Nibelheim the whole time, and no one had come looking for them. 

He left Cloud in an empty bedroom, propped against the wall on a bed. He needed to move quickly, to see if he could find his personal contact device and his weapon. He tore himself away from the boy, telling himself he needed to move quickly through the mansion, and couldn’t do that while dragging him. “I’ll be back soon, babe. I’m just going to see if I can find my stuff, okay? I promise I’ll come back for you. I’ll always come back for you.” He ruffled Cloud’s blonde hair gently, then ran out as quietly as he could. 

He found his PCD and sword without much effort, almost as if someone had placed them where they knew he would find them. The PCD was charged, and Zack was able to log in to his email. He felt a pang of guilt as he read through the emails that Kunsel had sent him over the years they had been trapped beneath the mansion. 

**_Subject: You can’t fool me_ **

_ Zack, where could you possibly be? _

_ Let me know if you’re reading this.  _

_ You’ve gone missing since your mission with Sephiroth. _

_ Do you have anything to do with Sephiroth being killed in action? _

_ I heard rumors about something going down in Nibelheim. _

_ Are you there right now? _

  
  


**_Subject: Tell me they’re lying_ **

_ Got an announcement from General Affairs that you were killed in action. _

_ But those announcements are never true, are they? _

_ Where are you? What are you doing? _

_ What did you have to do for the company to reclassify yourself as a dead man? _

_ Let me help you if you’re in a jam. _

_ Talk to me. I’ll be waiting. _

  
  


**_Subject: Are you there_ **

_ Zack, it’s been so long since any of us heard from you.  _

_ Aerith’s been asking after you. _

_ She writes you and you don’t reply. She said she can’t write you anymore. _

_ We just want to know if you’re okay.  _

_ I’m here if you need me, okay? _

_ No matter what kind of situation you’re in. _

  
  


He wiped away a few stray tears as he closed the email application, pocketing the PCD and a nearby charger. He picked up the Buster Sword, pleasantly surprised to find the weight only slightly unfamiliar. He swung it a few times before attaching it to his back. He ran back to the room where he had left Cloud and picked him back up, moving slowly to the front of the mansion. 

They were outside. In the open air. And Nibelheim… stood? 

_ No, _ Zack thought to himself. He had seen these buildings burn, he had watched as the town went up in flames. He shook his head, realizing just how far Shinra had gone to cover up what had happened. He heard men moving in, knew that they were men who would try to recapture Cloud and himself. And he wasn’t going to let that happen. 

He had fought wave after wave of soldiers, taking every last one down. And it had exhausted him. They had tried to take Cloud. They had dragged his body across the ground, leaving his clothing torn. Zack had dragged him back into the mansion and into another empty bedroom, retrieving a uniform from the room that had stored his PCD and weapon. It was a SOLDIER uniform, nearly identical to his own. He had changed Cloud into the uniform, then sat next to him. “Hey Cloud, we’ve got to go to Midgar, okay? I need to… I need to talk to Aerith, and we might be able to stay at the Church until we’re able to find work and a place of our own.” Cloud continued to stare at nothing, the rise and fall of his chest the only indication he was alive. Zack dropped his head into his hands, rubbing his eyes. “We’ll leave at night. It will be easier to travel. Let’s rest up, Cloud.” He pressed his lips to the boy’s forehead, then lay down on the bed. “I love you,” he whispered before closing his eyes. 

Night came, and they made their way out of the mansion again. Fewer soldiers stood in between them and freedom this time. They made it all the way to the coast, and Zack left Cloud propped up against a rock to scout ahead. Cissnei had been there, and had half attacked him. Zack had run from her, not wanting to have to kill her. She followed him, told him that Cloud looked bad, then… let them get away. She had even given Zack the keys to a Shinra motorcycle. He had loaded Cloud into the sidecar, then taken off, headed for Midgar. He had been stopped by Genesis and two others on the road, Genesis quoting LOVELESS as he always did, and one of the other men ripping out some of Zack’s hair and eating it. Genesis had told him that part of the experiment was modifying himself and Cloud with Jenova cells, and that this was supposed to help slow the degradation that all humans treated with mako dealt with. The man that had eaten his hair turned into a terrible monster, and Zack had to kill him.

He was drawn to Gongaga. His hometown. He knew Shinra would look for him there, but he wanted so desperately to see if his mother and father were okay. Cissnei had been there, waiting. She knew he would go there. She told him Angeal was near, and this only slightly surprised Zack, even though the man had died by his own hand. 

“My mother,” he had said as he was walking away. “How is she?”

She laughed. “She’s afraid after all of this, you won’t be able to find a wife.” Zack smiled at her, but sadness tainted the gesture. She still believed he was alive, even after all this time.

“Well, she’ll be disappointed anyway,” he said. “A wife isn’t really my style.”

It hadn’t been Angeal; it was Lazard. He had left the man with Cloud when he went to explore up ahead. He found Genesis, and fought the monster he had become. When he made it back to Cloud and Lazard, the older man was near dead; Shinra had attacked and he had protected Cloud with his own life, along with the mutt that had come to Zack in the past. When the creature had faded, it left behind a letter. It was the 89th letter Aerith had written to him, and she said it would be the last. He felt a pang of guilt in his chest, knowing he would have to have a difficult conversation with her when they finally reached Midgar. He knew she would understand, but it wouldn’t make it any less painful for either one of them. Lazard returned to the planet, while Genesis clung to life. Zack loaded Cloud back into the sidecar and they continued on their way. 

They ditched the motorcycle for something less conspicuous; a ride in the back of a truck to the edge of Midgar. Zack was hopeful when he moved Cloud into the back of the vehicle. He had held his head up for several moments, and made eye contact with the SOLDIER. Then the truck had taken off, and his head fell forward once again. Zack blinked back tears as he stared at the boy. He was the thinnest he had ever seen him, the uniform he had found for him was hanging off of him and his hair was falling out. 

They had escaped hell, but at what cost?

He talked to fill the silence, unsure if Cloud could even hear him. He talked about how they would become mercenaries, how they would save money and get their own place. He told Cloud that he was a terrible cook, but that he wanted to get better. He admitted that he was scared to see Aerith, to tell her about everything that had happened to them. 

A Shinra helicopter circled overhead, and Zack knew they were in trouble. They had to find cover, they couldn’t continue on to Midgar without putting the man driving in serious danger. Zack signaled to him to pull over and quickly dragged Cloud out of the vehicle. They were near a rocky outcropping that overlooked an empty valley, and on the other side was Midgar. Zack propped Cloud up against a rock in a space that was well-hidden, ruffling his hair gently before speaking to him. “Hey babe, I’m going to go check out what’s up ahead. Stay here, okay? I’ll be back for you, like always.”

He pressed his lips to Cloud’s, then turned to walk away. 

Cloud reached out for him, trying to summon the words to call the man back to him. Instead, tears just rolled down his cheeks.

He had tried. He had fought harder than he ever had in his life. He had tried. And he had failed. 

Zack had taken down more Shinra soldiers than he had ever seen in one place. Wave after wave had taken him on and fallen, but not without leaving their own wounds. He was riddled with bullet holes, covered in his own blood. 

He was dying. He was going to die, and he hadn’t gone back for Cloud. God, he hadn’t told him he loved him before he walked away. What if he snapped out of his mako sickness and realized that Zack hadn’t come back for him? What if he had heard everything and found Zack’s destroyed body? Worse, what if he didn’t find him? What if he thought that Zack had abandoned him? 

What if Cloud didn’t wake up and wasted away in the same spot Zack had left him, aware until his last breath that Zack hadn’t told him he loved him before he left?

Zack cried, his tears mixing in with his blood and the rain that was falling. He didn’t hear Cloud approaching, dragging his body across the muddy ground, stopping at Zack’s side. “Z… Zack?”

The SOLDIER had never heard a more beautiful sound in his life. He wanted to sit up, to pull Cloud close and celebrate, but his life was fading fast. Everything hurt. He could barely draw a breath. But he had to tell Cloud to keep going. “For the… both of us.”

“Both of us?” Cloud asked. Zack closed his eyes for a moment, making sure the sound of Cloud’s voice would be burned into his memory before he died. 

“That’s right… you’re gonna… you’re gonna,” he couldn’t stop himself from reaching out to Cloud, pulling him into his chest. “...live.” If one of them had to die, Zack was glad it was himself. Cloud deserved so much more life. He was heartbroken that he would never get to see him smile again, he would never hear him laugh, never get to know what his life could’ve been with him. “You’ll be… my living legacy.”  _ The one thing I got right.  _ His arm went numb, sliding off of Cloud’s head and falling to the ground. Cloud sat up, the side of his face and his blonde hair covered in Zack’s blood. “My honor, my dreams… they’re yours now.” He pulled the Buster Sword towards Cloud, offering the blade up to him. Cloud took the blade, then tossed it aside. 

“NO!” he screamed. “No, Zack! They’re  _ yours _ . They don’t belong to me! I don’t want them! I want you! You can’t go! You PROMISED, Zack! You said you’d always come back! You can’t fucking leave!” The boy clung to his own hair, pulling hard enough to tear strands from the scalp. He cried, harder than he had ever allowed himself to. Zack wanted nothing more than to reach out and comfort him, but his sight had gone, darkness overtaking him. 

“When you… look up at… the stars,” he whispered, “I’ll be there… with you… I… promise. I… love you… Cloud. I’m --” Cloud screamed, a sound of unrivaled agony, and Zack was unable to speak any longer. He drew a last, shaky breath, and managed to twist his fingers between Cloud’s, the boy sobbing and begging him to stay with him.  _ I wish, babe. I want nothing more. _

  
  


It was still raining when a blonde boy kicked in the door to the church where Aerith knelt, tending to her flowers. She had been there all day, not finding herself wanting to be at home or around the children of the Leaf House Orphanage. Something was wrong, she had felt it. She was glad it had started raining; it made it easier to deal with the sadness coursing through her veins. She gasped as the door was kicked open, grabbing her staff and taking a defensive position as she whipped around to face the intruder. 

She dropped the staff when she saw a small blonde man, clearly emaciated, covered in blood that didn’t seem to be his own, judging by the condition of his body, clear from obvious wounds. He was dragging another man, and as Aerith looked behind the boy, she saw a trail of blood. The boy had a massive sword strapped to his back, one that Aerith swore she had seen before. “Please,” the boy rasped. He dropped to his knees, pulling the larger man into his chest, clinging to him like he was the only thing that mattered in the world. “Please,” he repeated, “you have to help him, you have to save him, please.” The boy’s eyes fluttered shut and he collapsed to the ground, releasing the other man from his grasp. Aerith approached them cautiously, her heart beating fast. As she analyzed the man’s clothes, a feeling of dread began to rise in her chest. When she saw his hair, she began to run. When her eyes fell upon his face, she fell to her knees, hyperventilating. Giant tears fell from her eyes as she tried to compose herself, preparing to save the man she now recognized. 

The first man she had ever loved. 

Zack Fair, SOLDIER 1st Class. 

She pulled out her phone, dialing a number without looking down. 

“Kunsel,” she sobbed. “Please, I need you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, guys. Here comes the canon divergence. 
> 
> I PROMISE I WILL SPEND TIME ANSWERING COMMENTS THIS WEEK! I've been so focused on getting this story out, I'm sorry! Just know that I am reading every single one, and they bring me JOY. I love hearing what you guys are thinking, how the story is hitting you, and what you're looking forward to. I appreciate you guys more than I can put into words. Thank you so so so much for sticking with me and reading this story that I have grown so very attached to.
> 
> <3
> 
> Next chapter is HARD, guys.


	19. Unknown

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WHEW.

Flowers. There were flowers everywhere. They were blurry, his eyes not quite able to focus, but he had seen them before. Yellow and white, draped in light filtering through the windows. They were fragrant without being overwhelming, their presence calming. 

They reminded him of her, of Aerith. He wondered if she --

Oh god. The ridge. Shinra. The fight. 

_ Cloud. “Stay with me, please, Zack. Please. I love you.”  _

He remembered rain, blood, excruciating pain, then peace as he had heard Cloud’s voice. “ _ Both of us?”  _

Death. This was death. Bright and full of flowers. 

He couldn’t help but let the tears building in his eyes escape. 

He took a deep breath and was rocked by a wave of pain. He groaned, disappointed. After everything he had been through, he had hoped death would be easy. He tried to roll to his side, only to be stopped by another wave of pain.

“Zack?” a soft voice asked. A cool hand pressed against his forehead, and he turned towards the voice, a blurry figure coming into his line of sight. “Kunsel, can you please go get the doctor? He’s burning up,” the voice asked weakly.  _ Kunsel. _ He knew that name, but his head was too clouded to figure out how. “Hey,” the voice said, kind and quiet, “hey, you’re okay. You’re going to be okay. You’re safe.” 

More tears fell from his eyes, stinging his cheeks as they rolled down his face. Cool fingers wiped them away with a gentle touch. He heard the sound of footsteps and a door opening. The cool hand was removed from his forehead, replaced by some kind of scanner. “Infection,” another familiar voice spat. “I’ll add an antibiotic drip.” 

“Thank you,” the kind voice whispered. Zack swallowed, the motion painful and dry. “Can he have water?” A moment of silence, then an answer.

“Ice cube across the lips. Less likely to choke and tear those wounds open,”

“Kunsel, would you?”

“Of course.”

“Thank you.” More footsteps, the door opening and closing. “Is there any change with --”

“No. And to be honest, I’m not hopeful.”

“I’ll keep hoping, then.” The male voice laughed quietly, exiting the room. The door opened and closed again, then something cool was pressed to Zack’s lips. Water ran between them, trickling down his throat. The relief was incredible. 

“W-where…?” he managed to whisper. 

“The Church, Zack.”

Church?  _ Aerith. It was Aerith. _ His vision started to clear, and Aerith gently rubbed the ice cube across his lips again. He turned his head back towards her, eyes finally able to focus on her. Her eyes were bloodshot and puffy, hair disheveled, and there was blood on her white dress. Zack could only assume it was his. She was sitting next to the bed he was laying in, hand resting on his arm. Upon further inspection, it was one of the only parts on his exposed body that wasn’t bandaged. He gently rolled his arm under her hand, bringing his hand slowly up to her face.

“Aerith,” he whispered. She closed her eyes for a moment, leaning into his hand. 

“I thought we were going to lose you,” she said softly. “Kunsel barely got you back with all of his phoenix down and healing materia. Dr. Lark wasn’t sure you were going to make it. Zack, there was so much blood.” The SOLDIER withdrew his hand at the mention of the doctor’s name. He tried to push himself up to a seated position, but pain lanced through him, and he dropped back to the bed. 

“That doctor --”

“I know. Kunsel told me he’s been with Shinra. And he’s been keeping an eye on him.”

“How did I…”

“The other boy dragged you here.” Anxiety rose in his chest.  _ The other boy…  _ Cloud. 

“Where is he?” Aerith placed her hand on his arm again.

“He’s here. But, Zack --” the man pushed himself up again, this time succeeding at taking a seated position, despite the screaming pain in his body and the swimming sensation in his head. 

“I have to see him,” Zack said. Sweat broke out across his brow. Aerith put her hand on his chest, the pressure indicating she wasn’t going to let him move. 

“Zack, he won’t wake up. He collapsed just after he got here, after he asked me… after he asked me to save you. And since then, he just… won’t wake up. Sometimes he opens his eyes, but it’s like he’s not really there. He won’t respond to anything. Dr. Lark says it’s mako poisoning, the worst that he’s ever seen, but there’s something else going on. I can feel it.” Zack pushed himself even more upright, worry setting into his chest, mixing with pain. The room was spinning, tears pouring from his eyes. Cloud had saved him. And what had it cost him?

Nausea hit him, and bile rose in his throat. He turned away from Aerith and wretched painfully, throwing up what little was left in his stomach. He fell back to the bed, coughing and wincing. Aerith lay her hand gently across his forehead again, smiling sadly. 

“Zack, please. You have to take it easy.”

“Aerith,” he said, his voice thick with anguish. “I can’t… “

“Zack, I don’t know if you realize how many bullets Lark pulled out of you. I don’t know if you realize how terrifying it was to have a man I don’t know kick in my door, beg me for help, then pass out. And you really don’t know how horrible it was to realize it was you bleeding out all over my floor. I understand that he’s someone you’ve gone through something with, but you have to focus on healing before you can be any help to him, okay? Lark is watching him. Doing everything he can for him. There’s nothing you can do that he can’t right now. That boy--”

“Aerith --”

“I know you love him, Zack, but there isn’t anything you can do right now, okay?” Zack’s jaw dropped in shock. 

“Aerith, I --”

“It’s okay, Zack. I’ve felt it for a while now. I… had a dream about it. I was --”

“Telling me to tell him. And asking if we were still friends.”

“You… had it too?”

“Yeah, guess I did. Aerith, I’m s--”

“Don’t you dare, Zack Fair. Don’t you say sorry.” She smiled at him, though there was still sadness in her eyes. “Pretty sure I told you that before.”

“Yeah, something along those lines,” Zack said softly. “I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

“I know. I won’t lie, it still does hurt, Zack. You just… disappeared. And I wrote to you… I wrote you 89 letters. And you didn’t reply to a single one. What were you doing for Shinra that was so important that you couldn’t write me one reply?” A tear rolled down her cheek and Zack couldn’t stop himself from reaching up to wipe it away with his thumb.

“I can’t tell you. Not yet. It… it hurts too much. I’m sorry. And I want Cloud to be there to tell the story. It’s just… not right to tell you without him. It was bad, Aerith. Really bad. And I only got one of your letters, after we… escaped, and there wasn’t time--”

“Escaped? Zack, what do you mean, escaped? Escaped from what?” Zack shook his head, all the terrible things that had happened to them flashing through his mind. 

“I can’t, Aerith. Please. I promise I’ll tell you when it’s right. I need… I need to work through some things.” Zack’s breath was quickening, his pulse rising. Aerith nodded at him, worry creeping into her features. 

“You’re safe now, Zack.” she brushed his hair out of his face. 

He wished he could believe her. “Aerith, I need to see Cloud.” 

“Cloud, huh? What a perfect name! Well, if you’re not going to stop asking, I’ll get Kunsel to see if the doctor brought a wheelchair. She stood up and opened the door, leaving briefly. She returned with Kunsel in tow, the latter pushing a wheelchair. “You going to let us help you in to this thing?” she asked. Zack shrugged. 

“Feeling better by the second,” he quipped. Kunsel stepped forward, turning to face Aerith. 

“Hey, can I have a few minutes?” he asked. Zack’s stomach sank. He knew Kunsel had been hurt by his absence, but also knew he couldn’t tell him what had gone on yet. Aerith nodded.

“I’ll be outside,” she said. She squeezed Kunsel’s arm gently before turning to exit the room. Kunsel took a deep breath, sitting in the chair Aerith had previously occupied. An awkward silence hung in the air between them, neither one of them looking directly at the other. Zack sighed, frustrated that the conversation was standing between him and seeing Cloud.

“Kunsel, I--”

“They told me you were dead. They briefed me. Showed me pictures of you… just laying there. Pictures of Nibelheim burning, of what was left after the fire. And I didn’t… I couldn’t believe them. But you never replied to my messages. Not a single fucking one. I told you I’d help you no matter what. I waited to hear back. I took Aerith’s letters, delivered them for her, 89 of them. I watched her fall apart. I fell apart. And now you just… come crashing back into our lives? What happened? What fucked up mission was so secret that you weren’t even able to reply to either of us for four fucking years?” 

“It wasn’t a mission, Kunsel. You know damn good and well that it wasn’t. I know for a fact you have better sense than that.”

“Then what the fuck was it, Zack!?”

“I can’t tell you yet, Kunsel. Just trust me when I say if there was any way I could’ve reached you to ask for your help, I fucking would have. If I could have avoided getting shot to absolute hell by half of the Shinra army I would have. I’ll tell you once Cloud is awake. I’ll tell you once I’ve worked through all the shit we were put through. I’ll tell you once it’s not still happening. I’ll tell you once I know he’s not going to die because we were experiments.” He winced at his last sentence, realizing he said more than he had intended. Kunsel stared at him, open mouthed, tears in his eyes. Zack looked down, trying to conceal his own tears.

“Zack, I’m so sorry. I… I didn’t think…”

“Yeah. No one did. And now Cloud’s laying there, paying for what Shinra did to us. Believe me, if there was any way I could have reached you without putting a life in danger, I would have. If there was any way I could have kept the person I love from suffering the way he did...” A tear fell from his face to his chest, the drop leaving a tiny wet spot on one of the many bandages that covered his chest. Kunsel drew a sharp breath, wiping his nose with his sleeve. 

“I missed you, Zack. I was holding out hope that you were alive.”

“Missed you too, Kunsel. I was holding out hope we wouldn’t die in there.” They sat in awkward silence for several moments, Kunsel finally speaking again.

“So… you and… Cloud?” Zack cracked a small smile, his chest warming slightly.

“Yeah,” he sat up a little further, eyes locking with Kunsel’s. “Kunsel, please. I need to see him.” Kunsel stepped to the side of the bed, pressing one hand gently against an unbandaged portion of his back and offering his forearm to Zack as the man moved slowly to hang his legs over the side of the bed. He groaned as gravity pulled on the limbs, another wave of pain washing over him. 

“You okay?”

“I will be once I see Cloud.” He tried to stand, but pain and dizziness forced him back down to the bed. 

“Let me help you,” Kunsel said. Zack sighed in defeat, nodding his head. Kunsel lifted him from the bed, placing him gently in the wheelchair. Zack held his breath against the pain moving caused him. Kunsel wheeled Zack out of the room once he started breathing again, Aerith joining them as they made their way down the church halls to another room. Aerith tapped lightly on the closed door before opening it. She walked in, holding the door for Kunsel as he wheeled Zack in. 

Cloud lay in a bed in the middle of the room, naked except for a pair of white shorts. A thin layer of sweat coated his body, and his breathing was quick and shallow. He was painfully thin, ribs and hip bones prominent. An IV trailed from his arm to a bag hanging from a pole, and another tube hung out of one of his nostrils. Dr. Lark stood at his bedside, examining a monitor. It was connected to Cloud with several electrodes. After several moments, he picked up a syringe from a tray and injected the contents into the IV line. The liquid entering the boy’s body flashed green, and Zack jumped out of the wheelchair, lunging for the doctor. “Get the fuck away from him!” he yelled. Lark jumped back, then stepped forward, standing between Zack and Cloud. He held his arms out wide, preventing the SOLDIER from coming any closer to the boy. Kunsel pulled Zack back as he collapsed to the floor, legs too weak to hold him for long. “That’s mako!” he screamed. Aerith knelt in front of Zack’s wheelchair, placing a hand on his knee. She turned her head back towards Dr. Lark, who nodded quickly at her.

“Zack, that’s the only thing keeping Cloud alive right now. He’s really sick.” Zack shook his head furiously. 

“No! That’s what’s killing him!” Dr. Lark stepped back towards Zack, taking a seat on the side of Cloud’s bed.

“Zack,” he said, tone soft and understanding, “Cloud has mako poisoning. Bad mako poisoning. The worst I’ve ever seen. I warned Hojo that this could happen. He thought the Jenova cells would counteract any lasting effects of the mako. He was wrong. They intensified the effects. Dragging you here sent his body into overdrive. He must’ve been sick the whole way here. He’s severely dehydrated and malnourished. The mako’s making him sick, but the withdrawals are making him sicker. We can’t just cut him off. The Jenova cells feed off of it, too. Without it, they’ll just take what they need from his body. Look at how thin he is. The short amount of time he was without any mako led to this decline. I’m working on tapering him off, but there’s no guarantee that it will work. Even if he comes out of this, there’s a chance he has to take mako for the rest of his life. I’m doing everything that I can. Please, you have to believe me.”

Zack swallowed several times, his throat dry. His eyes stung and he found himself biting back tears. “If he comes out of it?” he croaked. Dr. Lark nodded.

“I’m afraid that the amount of energy he exerted getting you here may have been too much. I’m trying to replace the calories and fluids he lost, but his body keeps burning through them. It’s like he’s stuck in fight mode. He snapped out of the mako poisoning long enough to get you here, then fell into withdrawals. I’m doing everything I can, Zack, but it might not be enough. He’s breathing, but I can’t tell what’s going on with his brain, not here. He needs a real hospi—“

“No!” Zack shouted. Tears were falling freely now. “You know as well as I do they’ll be looking for him, for us, at every hospital they can! Nowhere is safe!” Zack was frantic, breath erratic and hands tearing at his own hair. Aerith stares up at him, shock playing across her features along with unasked questions. 

“I understand, Zack. But you have to know I’m not well-equipped here. I’m doing what I can with what I have access to. Without neural monitoring I don’t know what to expect. You should be prepared at any time to say goodbye.” A sobbed ripped through Zack’s body, panic rising in his chest once again, darkness tearing at the edges of his vision. Dr. Lark shook his head softly. “I’m sorry, Zack. There’s only so much I can do. And there’s only so much his body can take.” He walked back over to the monitor, scribbling notes on a clipboard as he studied it. Zack stared at Cloud, watching the shallow rise and fall of his chest, his own aching at the sight. Aerith stayed crouched in front of him, rubbing his knee gently.

“He wanted you to live, Zack. You should rest.”

“I don’t want to be away from him. What if…” Zack didn’t want to finish his sentence, think about what would happen if Cloud died without him there. Would he know he was alone? Could he hear Zack there beside him? Would he feel it if he brushed the hair away from his face? “Please,” he rasped. “I need to be here.” Aerith nodded gently and stood, walking around him to the back of his wheelchair. She pushed him as close to the side of the bed as the chair’s frame would allow, locking the wheels. She stepped back around to face him, leaning forward slightly to brush a hand through his hair.

“He’s still here. I can feel him.”

Tears flowed from Zack’s eyes as he twisted his fingers between the blonde’s.    
  


“Please, babe. Come back to me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am LATE with this one and I am so sorry! I’ll be completely honest, life has just kicked me straight in the face these past few weeks. There’s a lot going on. But I’m still here, I’m still loving writing this story, and I am still oh-so-fueled by all of your comments. I’m so sorry I haven’t had the chance to interact as I have in the past, but please believe me when I say I’m trying to block some time out to do that this week. 
> 
> We are getting to the goods here, guys. This is where I like to think I thrive: a story we all know meets the story I wanted, haha. This chapter is a little bit of filler in order to get some things set up, but I’m overall pleased with it. We are going to start to see some of the lasting effects Shinra/Hojo will have on Zack, and some of them aren’t great. 
> 
> Don’t worry, everyone, this will have a happy ending, and there’s some really happy moments coming soon. 
> 
> I just love angst, lmao.
> 
> Please let me know what you think!!!
> 
> <3


	20. Letting Go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Listen, it's a long one. I was going to split it into two, but there was no good spot. 
> 
> Y'all have earned a long one anyway!
> 
> Buckle uppppppp.

Weeks passed, and Cloud worsened. He developed terrible fevers, which led to seizures. Zack couldn’t do anything but watch and try to help hold him still as he shook. He still wasn’t responding. Zack talked to him all the time, telling him every time the flowers in his room were replaced, what the weather was like outside, and asking him to get better. Still, there was no improvement. He vomited frequently, a mixture of bile, calorie replacement and green mako. Zack took care to make sure Cloud was positioned on his side whenever he had to sleep himself. He’d tried to get Aerith and Kunsel to move his bed into the room Cloud was kept, but they had refused, stating that he had to focus on his own recovery as well as the boy’s. 

His own recovery proceeded slower than anyone had expected. His wounds closed and scabbed over then became scars, but he continued to have difficulty using his sword hand and walked with a pronounced left sided limp. He talked to Cloud about his lasting injuries, telling him how frustrated he was with himself. 

“Second only to Sephiroth in the time it took me to make first class, enhanced healing thanks to mako treatments, and still can’t pick up my damn sword without two hands. Some SOLDIER I am, right Cloud?” He shook his head, brushing hair out of Cloud’s face, trying not to focus on the circles under the boy’s eyes that only seemed to grow deeper and darker. He looked at the time and grabbed a bag of calories, hooking it up to a pump and then the tube that protruded from Cloud’s nostril. He had learned to hook up Cloud’s nutrition, change his IV fluids, and rotate his body position to ensure he didn’t develop any skin breakdown. He resumed moving the boy’s limbs to prevent muscle loss, and took care of his bathing. Aerith tried to help, and had tried to convince Zack to rotate taking care of Cloud with her, but he had refused. He didn’t sleep much, and when he did his rest was riddled with nightmares of waking up to Cloud finally dead. He would scream himself awake, often finding Aerith’s cool hand pressed against his forehead. 

She held him as he cried himself back to sleep on multiple occasions. 

Two months passed and Cloud made no progress. Zack regained all of the feeling in his sword hand, and his limp improved, but Cloud still didn’t move. Dr. Lark split his time between the church and a research facility on the plate, trying to find answers regarding why Cloud wouldn’t die and wouldn’t recover. He had somehow managed to hack Hojo’s notes without anyone noticing, pulling what records he could. He brought them back to the church, sharing what he learned with Zack. “It wasn’t just mako that you both were treated with. Hojo was trying to make something… stronger. Better than SOLDIER. He treated you with Jenova cells, taken from the Calamity, stripped down and reprogrammed so that they would interact with the Jenova cells. It didn’t take in regards to you because you were already treated with mako when you made SOLDIER. Your body wouldn’t respond. You probably got violently ill at some point, right?” Zack nodded. 

“Yeah, but so did Cloud. It wasn’t just me.”

“The difference was the stimuli. You both were treated with mako and Jenova cells. You got sick from the mako alone, a mild form of mako poisoning. Cloud got sick in response to both the cells and the mako. Here, take a look at this. I’m sorry, but it doesn’t sound good.” He handed Zack a printout of a short report. The man read it quietly, holding his breath.

_ Failed Case #2: Shinra Infantryman _

_ Summary: Weak tolerance to Jenova cells led to toxicosis. Lack of response to outside stimuli suggests severe system damage. _

_ Recovery highly unlikely.  _

Zack crumpled the piece of paper in his hands, a tear trailing down his face from the corner of his eye. If even Hojo didn’t see a way Cloud could recover, what hope could Zack be holding onto?

He was so tired. He sat in the chair he had placed beside Cloud’s bed, running his hand through his hair. “What do you think?” he asked. Lark shook his head, hands in his pockets. 

“I don’t know, Zack. I don’t know how he’s held on this long. I don’t know how much longer we can expect to keep him alive. I don’t know if we’re doing the right thing, or if it would be better for us to just--”

“Hey, Zack, would you mind helping me for a bit today?” Aerith had entered the room, speaking just in time to interrupt the doctor as he was about to speak the words that Zack couldn’t bear to hear. He stayed seated, staring at Cloud as his chest rose and fell quickly.

“Aerith, I don’t think--”

“Zack Fair, I’m not taking no for an answer. It’s been over two months since you’ve been here, and you haven’t been outside this church once. I know you’re worried about Cloud. We are too. But we’re also worried about you. You’ve lost weight. Your hair is out of control. You don’t interact normally. You don’t eat. You can’t make it through the night without screaming yourself awake. I know you’re trying to keep Cloud alive. But that doesn’t mean you have to kill yourself. We are going out. You are helping me pick flowers. You are helping me deliver those flowers. My mother is going to cut your hair. And we are eating dinner at my house. End of story. Kunsel left you some clothes that should fit. Shower and get changed. We are leaving in thirty minutes. That’s an order.” She turned on her heel and left the room, footfalls heavier than usual. Zack turned to Dr. Lark, who nodded at him.

“Go,” he said. “I can get a hold of you if I need.” He turned back to Cloud’s monitor, writing numbers down on his clipboard. Zack pressed his lips to the boy’s forehead, thumb resting gently on his cheek. 

“Sounds like I’m getting kicked out for a bit, Cloud. You could probably use the break, right? I’ll be back tonight, okay?” he ruffled his blonde hair and stood up, turning to walk out of the door. He paused, speaking to Dr. Lark. “If anything changes--”

“Yes, yes,” the doctor tutted. “I’ll call you.” Zack smiled sadly and walked down the hall to the bathroom. He took a quick shower, realizing as he washed his hair that it really had become quite long. He had last cut it when they escaped from the mansion, hacking roughly at both his own locks and Cloud’s. The blonde’s hair had grown back fairly quickly since their escape, and Zack had cut it twice more, but ignored his own. It would be nice to have it cut. He stepped out of the shower and toweled off, pulling on the clothes Kunsel had left for him; a pair of well-fitted jeans and a black t-shirt. It was something he would’ve picked to wear himself, and he was glad Kunsel had a similar style. He walked back down the hall to the room he was calling his and pulled on his boots, then strapped his sword to his back. When he turned to leave the room, Aerith was standing at the door. 

“Well, look at you,” she said. “Now this looks like a man who is ready to help me!” Zack smiled at her and she laughed softly, beaming back at him. “Let’s go!” she clapped her hands in front of her, turning and walking out. Zack followed her to the main church door. As he stepped out into the sun, a wave of anxiety hit him, and he nearly fell to the ground, gasping for air. In an instant, Aerith was at his side, hand resting on his forearm. “It’s okay,” she said softly. “Zack, you’re safe here. I won’t let anything happen to you,” she ducked in front of him, locking her eyes to his. He blinked back tears, taking a shaky breath. She smiled at him and stepped back, holding her hand out to him. He took it, and she walked forward, pulling him out into the street. 

He was nervous. His head was on a swivel, looking around every corner as they passed. Aerith laughed at his hyper-awareness, and this lent itself to Zack relaxing slightly. They passed the train station without incident, getting closer to town. He relaxed more as they walked through the crown, aware that he didn’t look like SOLDIER First Class Zack Fair at the moment. He was tired from the walk from the church, disappointed that his stamina had dropped so much already. He berated himself silently for not taking up training again after recovering from his injuries. “You’ll be fine,” Aerith said. He looked at her quizzically and she giggled again. “You needed a break from training all the time. You weren’t ready. You’ll get back to it.”

“Jeeze, Flower Girl. Having fun hanging out in my head?” She shook her head, laughing.

“It’s just nice to have you back, Zack. I missed you.” 

“Missed you, too.” They continued walking through town, getting stopped over and over again by children wanting to talk with Aerith. Many were residents of the orphanage, where Aerith spent time volunteering. Zack would lean against buildings while she talked to them, smiling as they hugged her. They continued on their way to Aerith’s home, a feeling of nervousness creeping into Zack’s stomach. 

“She won’t be home until later. She’ll forgive you. She just needs to see you.”

“Aerith, I--”

“Nope. Not listening if you’re going to say sorry.”

“You’re gonna have to listen to me at some point, Flower Girl.”

“Maybe. Come on, we’ve got flowers to pick!” They walked quietly the rest of the way to Aerith’s home, Zack growing more relaxed as the sound of water and smell of flowers grew more intense. When they walked through the last bit of tunnel that led to her home, Zack held his breath. When they stepped out into the sunlight, real sunlight, he exhaled. He had been to Aerith’s home before, but after being trapped underground for so long, it was like seeing it again for the first time. The amount of floral growth was overwhelming, and the surrounding land was far too green for something under the Plate. 

It was perfect and beautiful, and all Zack could think of was how badly he wanted Cloud to be there to see it. 

Aerith handed him a basket and smiled. “Come on, let’s get picking. We’ll be sure to pick some you think Cloud will like and put together a nice arrangement for him, okay?” Zack smiled genuinely at her and nodded. 

“Yeah, that sounds great.”

They picked flowers, then Aerith arranged them for delivery as Zack watched. She twisted ribbon in between the stems, tying small bows and adding more flowers as she saw necessary. When she was finished, she and Zack had walked all over sector 5, delivering orders. Zack hung back as Aerith spoke to her customers, not feeling much like interacting with people other than those he already knew. When they were finished, they walked back slowly to her home. 

Elmyra was waiting for them when they got back. They walked inside to find her sitting at the kitchen table, hands folded on top of each other. “Ms. Gainsborough,” Zack said. She held up a hand to stop him, turning her head slightly to address Aerith. 

“Aerith, why don’t you go pick some flowers for the table? These ones are wilting.” She stood, walking over to Aerith and hugging her. They embraced for several moments, then Aerith pulled back, looking at her mother softly. 

“Be nice. I’m fine, and he’s been through more than he’s telling anyone.” She walked out of the house, giving Zack a quick wink as she turned to close the door. 

“Sit,” Elmyra said. She stepped into the cooking space of the kitchen for a moment, returning with a sandwich and glass of water. She placed it in front of Zack then sat across from him. “You look thin, Zackary. Eat.” Zack nodded and took a bite, realizing how hungry he was. He destroyed the sandwich in minutes, then finished the glass of water in one gulp. Elmyra smiled sadly, speaking again. “Zackary, you just… disappeared. She waited for you. She wrote you. You never replied. I watched her lose hope. And there was nothing from you. No word. No message. No letter. What was so important that you couldn’t even tell her you were alive? That you couldn’t tell Kunsel you were alive? They worried themselves sick, Zack. What was--”

“Please,” Zack sobbed, interrupting her. “I know. I know. I’m sorry. I don’t know what I can do to fix it. I don’t know how to make it up to them. I don’t know how to fix what’s happened. I don’t even know if…” he choked, unable to continue speaking. Elmyra had stood up from her seat and crossed the floor to where he sat. She reached out to him, hesitant for a moment, then pulled him into an embrace. 

Zack wished it was his own mother holding him.

He cried for several moments before any sound escaped his body. Elmyra held him tightly, patting his hair slowly. He quieted after several minutes, and Elmyra released him slowly. She crouched in front of him, and Zack felt like a child again. “What happened, Zackary?”

“Shinra,” he said quietly. “Shinra happened. They… they captured us. They experimented on us. And now… Cloud… he might not… “ he couldn’t speak anymore. Elmyra’s hand rested over her mouth, stunned. Zack drew a ragged breath and she moved, refilling Zack’s glass of water. 

“I’m sorry, Zackary. We had no idea. We thought… we just thought you disappeared on your own.”

“I wouldn’t do that to her, Elmyra. I loved her. I wouldn’t have just abandoned her like that. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

“I forgive you, Zack. There’s no need to keep apologizing. Now finish that glass and go wash your hair. It needs cut. Then dinner. I hope you’re still hungry. There’s shampoo in the bathroom upstairs.” Zack nodded at her, then walked up the stairs. He washed his hair for the second time that day, then walked back down to find Aerith and Elmyra putting together two floral arrangements. Aerith smiled widely at him, holding a just finished arrangement up for him to see. The flowers were a pale yellow, almost blonde, highlighted with several white lilies. Baby’s breath and silver ribbon completed the arrangement, seated in a white vase. 

“For Cloud,” she said. Zack smiled. “They remind me of his hair.”

“Yeah, they really do,” he said. Elmyra motioned to him to sit, then draped a towel around his shoulders. She cut his hair methodically, Zack feeling lighter with every cut. She removed the towel when she was done, telling Zack to go check the cut and style it upstairs. He did as he was told, pleased when he looked in the mirror to find his old hairstyle restored. He tousled his locks and was happy when the spiked fell exactly where he wanted them to. When he walked back down the stairs, Aerith was finishing setting the table, and Elmyra was setting food out on the table. They ate and laughed together, Zack happy to eat more when Elmyra pushed him to.

Guilt crept into his chest at the realization that this was the happiest he had been in a very long time. He grew quiet, and Elmyra began speaking to fill the silence. “Kunsel not able to join us tonight, Aerith?” she shook her head softly, smiling. 

“No, he had business to attend to. He said to tell you sorry and that we would stop by soon for lunch.” 

“Wonderful. I’ll look forward to that.” Something clicked in Zack’s mind, and he laughed out loud as he asked a question.

“Wait! Are you and Kunsel TOGETHER!?” Aerith smiled at him as Elmyra stood, beginning to clear the table.

“Yes, Zack. We’re together. Took you long enough.”

“Well neither one of you said anything! Come on!” Aerith laughed as Zack exclaimed his excitement to her loudly, then gave him a relieved smile. 

“You’re not mad?” she asked. He shook his head enthusiastically. 

“Nah! Happy for you guys!” He pulled her in for a hug, spinning her around. She laughed again, and Elmyra smiled as she watched them. She put dessert down on the table and they ate quietly, one of them laughing every so often. When they were finished, Elmyra told them it was getting late, and that she didn’t want them walking back to the church in complete darkness. 

“Thank you,” Zack said. “For everything. Elmyra--” she pulled him in for another hug, and he leaned into the embrace. 

“Don’t be a stranger. And I want to meet this Cloud of yours, if he pulls through. I mean it.” He nodded, turning towards the door. Aerith grabbed the floral arrangement she made for Cloud, and they started the walk back to the church in silence. Elmyra’s words echoed in his head nearly the whole way. “... _ if he pulls through.” _

“She didn’t mean anything by it,” Aerith said quietly. 

“Yeah,” he said back. “I know. Just a lot to think about. I mean, what do I do if…” he shook his head, unable to finish the statement. Aerith twisted her free fingers between his, giving his hand a gentle squeeze.

“You wouldn’t be alone,” she said. “You have me. And Kunsel, and my mother. We all love you. We would be here for you.” Tears trailed down Zack’s cheeks.

“Yeah. I just… he’s everything to me, Aerith. But I don’t want him to suffer. I don’t want him to hang on just because he thinks he has to for me.” she squeezed his hand again. 

“Whatever happens, we’ll be there, Zack.” They walked the rest of the way to the church in silence, hands still twisted together. Kunsel was waiting at the door, pulling Aerith into his arms after she passed Zack the vase of flowers. Zack smiled at him as they parted, and he punched the man in the arm, Kunsel feigning injury. 

“Sly dog,” he said. Kunsel laughed at him. 

“Not mad?”

“How could I be? You’re perfect for each other. I’m happy for you.”

“Thanks,” Kunsel said, grinning. His facial expression changed, and he spoke again. “Lark said Cloud’s having a tougher time breathing, but nothing serious has changed. He just went to go catch a nap, then he’ll be back down to his room.” Zack nodded, walking inside of the building, headed straight for Cloud’s room. He walked in quietly, taking a seat in the chair he had posted at the side of the bed the boy lay in. What Kunsel had reported seemed to be true. Cloud’s breath was shorter and faster than it had been before, now accompanied by a rasping sound. Zack grabbed the boy’s hand, pressing his lips to the back of it, then twisted his finger’s between Cloud’s. 

“Hey, babe. I don’t know if you can hear me, but I’m gonna talk anyway, okay? Aerith’s mom cut my hair tonight. I don’t look like a dirty mop anymore. We all had dinner together. It was actually nice. And turns out Aerith and Kunsel are actually together. I guess I should’ve known. Hey, listen, I know you’re in there. And I know you’re hanging on. And it has to be hard. And if… if you’re doing it for me… Cloud you don’t have to.” He took a deep breath, a sob escaping his lips. “I don’t want you to suffer. I don’t want you to suffer anymore. I love you. I love you so much. And of course I want you to hang on, but that’s selfish. I just… buddy it’s okay. It’s okay if you need to go. I promise. I just hope you know how much you mean to me, and how much… how much I wish things could’ve been different for us.” He pressed his lips to the boy’s hand again, then to his warm forehead. “I love you, Cloud. And I should’ve told you sooner.” He sat for a few more moments with the boy in silence, then stood. He picked up the vase of flowers from the floor where he had set it upon his arrival, placing it on the table next to Cloud’s bed. He walked quietly down the hall to his room, undressing and tucking himself into bed. Tears leaked from his eyes as he fell asleep, his heart aching when he thought about the words he had spoken to Cloud. 

“Zack! Zack wake up!!! ZACK!!!” he awoke with a start, the sound of his own name being screamed at him resonating in his head. He opened his eyes to see Aerith, tears streaming from her eyes. “Zack, it’s Cloud!” she ran out of the room, shouting words Zack couldn’t understand as she made her way down the hall. Zack’s chest ached and his stomach sank. He pulled his pants on as quickly as he could, bolting down the hall. He heard screaming and yelling, the sound growing louder as he drew closer to Cloud’s room. He kicked the door to the room open, running in and quickly surveyed the space. His stomach sank and his head spun as his brain processed what was going on around him. Dr. Lark was shouting at everyone in the room, but Zack couldn’t hear any of it.

Cloud was crouched in the corner of the room, body shaking and covered with sweat. He had ripped out the IV he had been attached to, blood dripping down his arm. His body was painfully thin, and his eyes were wild, glowing bright with mako. 

“Cloud?” The boy’s eyes met his own, wide with fear. 

“Zack?” he rasped. The SOLDIER nodded, holding his hand out in front of him as if he were addressing a wild animal. He took a step forward and the boy flinched, breaking Zack’s heart. 

“Cloud, it’s me. It’s okay. You’re safe, babe. You’re safe.” Cloud’s eyes fluttered, and he began to fall forward. Zack closed the distance between them in a heartbeat, catching him before he could hit the floor. He tucked the boy into his chest, sitting in the corner and rocking. Cloud’s skin was hot against his own, his breath fast against his neck. “You’re safe,” Zack sobbed into blonde hair. Cloud cried freely against Zack’s chest, shaking. 

“I love you, too Zack,” he said quietly, pulling himself as closely to Zack’s chest as he could get.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A LITTLE HAPPINESS.
> 
> Whew. This was a fun one to write. There was a lot to cover, and I hope you guys like it. I tried to do the material as much justice as I could!
> 
> Thank you guys SO MUCH for sticking with me this far, and for continuing to comment. The angst hasn't come to an end, but we are going to get a nice light break from it coming up! 
> 
> I hope you all are doing well and staying safe. I can't wait to hear what you think of the chapter!


	21. Reunion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not out of the woods yet.

Cloud had screamed and thrashed anytime anyone that wasn’t Zack got near. He screamed when Zack had tried to stand up from the position he had taken against the corner of the wall. He was delirious. He burned with fever, and there was no way to get him hooked back up the IV without further agitating him. 

“Buddy, please!” Zack had pleaded. Cloud shook his head furiously, beads of sweat throwing themselves from the end of his blonde spikes. Cloud whispered unintelligibly against Zack’s chest, body twitching. Zack tried to make out the words he was speaking but couldn’t catch anything besides one phrase:

“It’s not over, it’s not over,” he repeated. Zack brushed his fingers through Cloud’s hair, trying to calm the boy down. 

“You’re safe, Cloud. No one here is going to try to hurt you. I won’t let anyone hurt you. I won’t let anyone try. You’re safe, babe. You’re safe. I love you. We’re out, Cloud. And we’re never going back.” Cloud quieted at Zack’s last sentence, sobbing against the SOLDIER. Zack tried to move once again, to pick Cloud up and place him back on the bed, but the boy screamed in terror, forcing Zack back to the ground. Aerith took a step towards them and Zack shook his head. “Everyone, please leave,” he said in a firm, even tone. “Please,” he said again, staring at Aerith. She nodded at him, grabbing Kunsel by the arm and walking out of the room. Dr. Lark hesitated, pausing as he walked towards the door. 

“Zack, he needs treatment, we can’t just--”

“I know,” the man growled. “Leave.” Lark did as he was told, closing the door behind him loudly. Zack turned his attention back to the shivering blonde he held against his chest. “Cloud, I’m gonna move us up to the bed, okay? Everyone else is gone now. It’s just you and me, okay?” Cloud nodded, not making a sound. Zack slid one of his arms under Cloud’s legs, the other holding him firmly against his chest, and stood, taking far less effort than he had expected. 

It was like lifting a child. 

Zack sat on the bed, releasing Cloud’s legs and moving him to a lying position. The boy whimpered, and bile rose in Zack’s throat. “Did I hurt you?” he asked horsley. Cloud shook his head softly. 

“No,” he said weakly. “My whole body just hurts.” Zack blinked back tears as he stared at Cloud, soaking up every second of his voice, his favorite sound. 

“Let’s sleep, babe. You need it. Tomorrow we’ll start getting you healthy, okay?”

“Don’t leave, okay?” Cloud said in a small voice. Zack pressed his lips to the boy’s forehead, the warmth of his skin concerning him. 

“Never, babe. Stuck with me.” Cloud was asleep before Zack finished his sentence. He pulled the boy to his chest, listening to his heartbeat and breathing until light began to shine through the windows of the room. He heard a tap on the door and Aerith entered quietly, sitting at the foot of the bed. She looked at Zack sympathetically, and he smiled back, exhaustion playing across his features. 

“You need sleep,” she whispered. “I can sit with him if you need me to.” Zack shook his head. The motion woke Cloud, the boy opening his eyes and looking around, eyes confused. He stared at Aerith for a second, rubbing his fist across his eyes. 

“Mother?” She laughed lightly, smiling at him and reaching out to hold his hand gently. He shied away from her for just a moment, then relaxed. She placed her hand gently on top of his, speaking in a calm voice to Cloud.

“I’m not your mother, but I’d be happy to help take care of you while you need it. I’m Aerith.” Cloud’s brow furrowed for a moment as he tried to recall her name. 

“Aerith? The… girl at the… church, right? With… the flowers?” she nodded at him, rubbing her thumb gently across the back of his hand. She could feel so much pain, emotional and physical, built up in his being. 

“That’s right,” she said. “You’re in the church now. And those are some of my flowers,” she said, pointing to the vase that sat on the table beside his bed. His eyes tracked slowly to where she gestured and he smiled softly. 

“Beautiful,” he said. “But… how did we… get here?” His question prompted Zack to sit up quickly, looking quizzically at the blonde. 

“Cloud, you… you dragged me here from the ridge after we were attacked. You asked Aerith for help and then…” he choked on the words he was trying to say to Cloud, staring at him. Suddenly, Cloud cried out in pain and grasped the sides of his head, writhing on the bed. Aerith quickly knelt beside his head, placing her hand on top of his again, speaking quietly.

“It’s okay to not remember, Cloud. Just breathe, okay? You’re safe here. Nothing bad is going to happen.” His cries quieted to a whimper, and he slowly relaxed his body. Aerith rubbed his face gently, massaging across his sinuses and temples. “Hey, Cloud? Would it be okay if I sat with you while Zack goes and takes a shower, maybe gets something to eat and takes a nap? He’s… still recovering, and he needs to be careful not to exhaust himself. I promise he’ll be back in a few hours, okay?” Cloud studied her for a moment, then nodded. 

“You’ll… stay with… me?” Aerith nodded. 

“Yeah! I’ll just walk Zack out to make sure he gets food, okay? Just a few minutes and I’ll be right back.” She stood from her kneeling position, walking towards the door. Zack kissed Cloud on the forehead, lingering just a little longer.

“I’ll be back, okay?”

“You’ll… always come… back for me, right?” Zack smiled at him, trying to hide the concern in his voice.

“Always, babe. I love you.”

“I… love you too.” Zack left the room with Aerith, the pair walking quietly down the hall to his room. He collapsed on the bed as soon as they were inside, his body shaking. Aerith sat next to him, pulling him into a hug. Then his screams started. 

“Shhh, Zack, it’s okay. It’s going to be okay. He’s going to pull through.”

“It’s like… it’s like holding a skeleton, Aerith! And how can he not remember? What else has he forgotten!?” Aerith placed her hands on the sides of his face, turning his head towards her.

“He hasn’t forgotten you, Zack. And that’s what you need to focus on. Take a shower. Get some food. Take a nap. Then go back to him. You have to convince him to let Dr. Lark continue to treat him. You felt how hot his skin was. You felt how thin he is. If he goes without being taken care of… Zack, he’ll die. We can focus on what he’s forgotten later. Right now, we have to focus on keeping him alive.” She brushed the hair out of his face, and stood. “We have to take care of each other, Zackary Fair. We’re the only people we have.” She walked out of his door and back down the hallway, returning to Cloud’s room. When she entered, she found him pressed up against the headboard of the bed, knees drawn into his chest, eyes closed. He was shaking and covered in sweat, both which Aerith attributed to mako withdrawal. 

“Cloud, I’m back now, okay?” You can relax again. No one besides Zack will be coming in.” She sat in the bed next to him, waiting for him to relax. After several moments he did, stretching his legs out on the bed. They sat in silence next to each other, Aerith listening to Cloud’s ragged breath, praying the several hours Zack would be away wouldn’t be long enough for the blonde boy to die. 

“Hey… Aerith? Can I… lay on… your lap? It helps… to feel someone… else.” She smiled at him, positioning herself so that he could lay comfortably. 

“Of course!” she said brightly. Cloud moved his slight body slowly and seemingly painfully into a lying position, his head on Aerith’s lap. “Is it okay if I play with your hair?” she asked. Cloud nodded against her leg, and she began running her fingers through blonde locks. Almost instantly, Cloud relaxed, and Aerith smiled. 

“That feels… nice.,” he whispered. “Like when Zack…” he trailed off. Aerith didn’t push him for the end of his phrase. She waited for him to speak again, more concerned with gaining his trust than with forcing him to speak. “Do you know… what happened… to us?”

“No. Zack didn’t want to talk about it without you. It wasn’t just his story to tell.” 

“I don’t… remember… everything,” he said. “Things are still… fuzzy. And words… are… hard.”

“It’s okay. Take your time. Don’t push yourself.” She continued to play with his hair, singing softly. “We’ll get you all cleaned up when you’re ready, okay? A nice bath and some hair washing. It’ll fix you right up.” His breathing steadied, chest rise and fall slowing and becoming deeper. 

The boy fell asleep on her. She smiled and continued to twist his locks around her fingers, continuing the sleep spell she had started as soon as the boy lay on her lap. 

Several hours later, Zack re-entered the room. He was fully dressed, in simple sweatpants and a tank top. He smiled at Aerith, who waved to him, then pointed down at Cloud, who was still fast asleep. He sat next to the boy, resting his hand over Aerith’s which rested on Cloud’s shoulder. 

“I think he’s about to wake up,” she said quietly. She had ended her sleep cast several minutes before Zack had walked in. Right on cue, Cloud stirred, yawning. As he looked up as Zack, his eyes widened and he began to cough. Zack jumped up and rolled him to his side, familiar with what was coming next. Cloud coughed several times more, gagged, and vomited the last few days’ worth of calories and hydration, along with green, slimy mako. He groaned as he rolled back over, hand pressed over his eyes. Aerith stood, placing a hand on Zack’s shoulder, then exited the room. Zack turned his attention back to Cloud, who was whimpering softly.

  
  


“Hey, babe.”

“Hey,” Cloud said weakly. “I’m sorry.”

“No need to be sorry for getting sick, Cloud. You’ve been through a lot. You’re still going through a lot. And we need to take care of you. And that means letting Dr. Lark treat you,” he said quietly. Cloud stared at the ceiling, not speaking. “Buddy, I know… that you don’t want that. Neither do I. I don’t want to rely on anyone affiliated with Shinra. I don’t want to even see the faces of anyone who was in that god-forsaken facility. But the fact of the matter is you… we need him.”

“No,” Cloud said. He rolled in the bed so that his back was to Zack. The SOLDIER sat on the bed, breathing through his nose and swallowing the anger that was rising in his throat. 

“Cloud, you can’t just go without treatment,” he said quietly. “You’re mako poisoned, buddy. And the Jenova cells are wiping your body out. I’ve picked up kids that weighed more than you do right now. If you don’t get mako and nutrition--”

“I don’t… want… mako,” Cloud stuttered. His speech was slowing, words harder to find. His head hurt. His heart was beating too fast. He tried to focus on a spot on the wall, but his vision was darkening. Zack realized he was declining. He stood and walked to the other side of the bed, crouching beside it, eyes locking with Cloud’s.

“Cloud. I can’t lose you. Please.” A tear dropped from his eye, rolling down his cheek. Cloud blinked slowly, then raised his hand to Zack’s face, brushing the tear away softly. Zack leaned gently into the touch. 

“Okay,” the boy whispered. Zack released a breath he didn’t know he was holding and pressed his lips to Cloud’s forehead. He stood and walked out of the room, finding Aerith waiting for him. 

“He’s not doing well,” Aerith stated simply. Zack nodded. 

“Where’s Lark?”

“Kunsel just went to get him. I was worried when I left Cloud. I used sleep on him the whole time you were gone, but he didn’t feel… right.” As she finished her sentence, Kunsel and Dr. Lark walked into the church. Dr. Lark addressed Zack, concern in his eyes.

“How is he?” Zack shrugged, the only gesture he could think to make.

“Dying. Afraid. He’s so thin. His words are getting slower. He’s shaking. He agreed to treatment.”

“We’ll do what we can.” Lark walked into Cloud’s room, Zack close on his heels. Cloud was curled up on the bed, knees drawn up to his chest. He was shivering like he was outside in a snowstorm. Without thinking, Zack crawled into the bed next to Cloud, pulling his shivering body into his chest. Several moments later, he noted that his shirt was wet with tears.

“Hey, it’s okay. It’s going to be okay. I’m right here, and I’m not leaving. I’ll be right here.”

“Am I… always going… to… be like… this?” Cloud asked quietly. Zack hugged him tighter to his body, biting back his own tears. Did he lie or tell the truth?

“One day at a time, babe.” 

“Cloud,” Dr. Lark said, “I need to start a new IV on you. We’ll get it over quick. You can stay right where you are, I just need you to let me see your arm.” Cloud did as he was asked, offering his arm to the doctor, keeping his body turned into Zack’s. He drew a sharp breath as the doctor inserted the needle, Zack squeezing him as the vein was punctured and the catheter advanced. Lark taped the tube to his arm, and Zack brushed his fingers through the blonde’s hair. “I’m going to hook up some hydration, okay? It might make your arm feel a little cold at first. Then we’ll add some calories. Those get attached to the tube in your nose, okay? If you’re feeling up to it later, we can try having you eat real food. Once we get that all set up, we’ll start a slow infusion of mako. I know you don’t want it. I understand. But it’s going to help you, okay? We will start tapering the amount down and see what happens, but we have to get your symptoms under control first. I’m sorry. I’m sorry this ever happened to you.” Cloud didn’t respond to the doctor, the exhaustion of being awake starting to wear on him. He turned onto his back when the doctor prompted him to do so that his nasal tube could be attached to a bag of calories. Once this was done, he turned back into Zack, breathing steadily. “I’ll be back in a bit to start the mako,” Dr. Lark said. Zack nodded at him, fingers tracing shapes lightly onto Cloud’s back. 

“I… missed… you,” Cloud said after he heard the door close. 

“I missed you, Cloud. More than I could tell you. I thought… god, buddy. I thought I was going to lose you.”

“Yeah. Zack… I… wanted to…I wanted… to tell you… that it’s… going to be… okay.” Zack pulled him closer, squeezing his eyes shut to keep any tears from escaping. The two sat in silence for a few moments, listening to each other breathe. About 15 minutes later, Lark returned, carrying a black IV bag. 

“I’m going to start your mako drip, Cloud. I’m sure you already know it’s going to sting.” The blonde nodded, laying flat on his back, offering his arm up to the doctor. He twisted the fingers of his other hand between Zack’s, squeezing as the familiar feel of fire set into his veins. Zack turned on his side, keeping Cloud’s hand in his own, the other hand coming up to play with Cloud’s hair. The gentle tug of his fingers twisting into blonde locks was enough to make the boy unclench his jaw and crack a tired smile. 

“Sleep, babe. I’ll be here when you wake up.” Cloud nodded weakly and closed his eyes. He winced before falling asleep, prompting Zack to begin drawing comforting shapes across his collarbones. “It’s all going to be okay.”

He wasn’t sure who needed more convincing, Cloud or himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter down! Another step forward for the boys, another layer of doubt added into this mix!
> 
> This chapter is a littler filler-ey, but, it's needed to set up the things that are coming next. Cloud is recovering (hopefully), Zack isn't stuck alone with his thoughts about Cloud, and all the characters are coming together. That being said, we will see some new (familiar) faces soon, and you guys really didn't think I could go much longer without bringing Reno back, right!?
> 
> As always, thank you guys so so so much for reading and thank you even MORE for leaving comments. I've said it before and I will say it again, hearing your feedback and getting to talk with you really keeps me posting. Seriously. I love writing this story, but I love your reactions more. Thank you so much.


	22. Nightmare

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I call this one "two week writer's block".

Zack woke in the middle of the night to Cloud shaking. Instinctively, Zack pulled him closer to his chest. Cloud’s skin burned against his, a temperature that frightened Zack to his core. 

“Cloud? Babe!? Can you hear me?” The shaking turned to seizing, and Zack pinned him to the bed, trying to keep him from injuring himself. “FUCK! Lark! Aerith! Please get in here!” He shouted as loudly as he could, fighting to keep Cloud pinned down. The door to the room slammed open, Dr. Lark running immediately to his table of medications. He drew a syringe from a bottle, then pushed it into Cloud’s IV line. Almost immediately, the boy’s eyes snapped open, wild fear and hate playing across the mako-green orbs. He screamed as his eyes locked with Zack’s, and he somehow managed to pull one of his arms out from under Zack’s hold. 

“Get the fuck off of me, Sephiroth!” he screamed. Zack was stunned for a moment, just long enough for Cloud to draw his arm back and land a mako-enhanced punch to Zack’s face. There was a sickening crunch and Aerith, who had entered the room shortly after Lark, gasped as blood began to pour from Zack’s nose. The SOLDIER ignored the injury, managing to pin Cloud’s free arm back down. Tears poured from his eyes as he shouted at the boy, and Aerith darted to the head of the bed, laying a cool hand on the boy’s forehead.

“CLOUD! It’s me! It’s Zack! Sephiroth isn’t here, Cloud!” Zack yelled. Aerith spoke quickly and quietly in Cloud’s ear, whispering words Zack couldn’t hear over the sound of his own sobbing. As she finished her sentence, the boy stopped thrashing. His eyes met Zack’s again and he blinked, the hatred in his eyes replaced with recognition. He looked over Zack’s face and a pained cry escaped his lips. Zack released his arms, pushing himself off of the boy and collapsing onto the floor, back against the wall, still facing Cloud. The blonde sat up, staring at the man as he pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to stop the bleeding. It was definitely broken. 

“Z-Zack!” Cloud exclaimed. He slid off the edge of the bed, kneeling between Zack’s legs, hands coming up to the sides of his face. The concern in Cloud’s eyes made him hurt far more than his nose being broken did. “I-I don’t… know w-what… happened! It was… it was like a… dream but so… real. I-I swear, I thought it… was Sephiroth holding… me down. Fuck, Zack… I’m so so sorry. Fuck. I’m… so sorry.” Zack shook his head, bringing his unbloodied hand up to ruffle Cloud’s hair. 

“It’s fine, Cloud. You’re going through--”

“Shouldn’t matter what I’m going through,” Cloud spat. “I… I hurt you. I hurt… you and… I shouldn’t have.”

“In your defence, babe, I was pinning you down. I would’ve swung too. Come on, let’s get you back into bed, okay?” He stood, offering a hand to Cloud, which the boy reluctantly took, only after realizing he couldn’t stand up on his own. He sat down on the bed, room swimming before his eyes. Almost instantly, he turned his head to vomit. 

“I can’t… keep… anything in my… body, Zack,” he said weakly. “Everything… hurts. Everything. Even… my… skin. My teeth. Everything. I’m so… tired, Zack. I’m… tired,” he stared at the ceiling as he spoke, tears falling from the corners of his eyes. “If this… is what life… is now, then… what’s the… point?”

Zack was trying desperately to hold himself together. Aerith rested a hand on his arm, sensing his distress. He ran his other hand through his hair, choking out a sob as Cloud cried out in pain and frustration. Aerith left his side to sit on the bed next to Cloud, gently brushing the hair out of his face. “You’re alive for a reason, Cloud. You’re here for a reason. I know it’s hard right now. I know it hurts. And we don’t have answers right now. But we’re trying. Please, just try to hang on, okay?” She cupped the side of his face gently, and he nodded against her hand. 

“Would you… make me sleep… again?” Aerith’s eyes widened, and he laughed softly. Zack’s knees nearly buckled at the sound. “I… felt it before. It was… nice.” She shook her head in disbelief and smiled at him. 

“Should’ve known you would feel it,” she said. “And of course I’ll help you sleep.” She cast the spell as Dr. Lark prepared new infusions, setting everything to timed drips through his IV. Before he drifted off, Cloud looked across the room at Zack, reaching his hand out towards the SOLDIER. Zack crossed the room in a few steps, taking the hand offered to him. Cloud smiled softly, drifting off to sleep. Aerith turned to the man after Cloud was asleep. He still clung to the blonde’s hand, staring at his sleeping form. 

“Am I doing the wrong thing, Aerith?” he whispered. She stood from the side of the bed, bringing her hands to the sides of his face. 

“You love him, Zack. And he loves you. You’re doing what you can to keep him alive. But, he’s suffering. There’s so much pain and anguish in his being. I can feel it.”

“That’s not an answer,” he said quietly. She locked her eyes to his, brushing a thumb gently across his cheek. 

“It isn’t supposed to be.” She turned and walked to Kunsel, who was standing near the door to the room, a pensive look on his face. She stood on her toes, pressing a kiss to his cheek. When he didn’t move, she took a step back, finding his eyes locked on Zack. “Kunsel? What is it?” He looked at her for a moment, and she nodded at him. He stepped away, walking towards Zack. 

“I have an idea,” he said quietly, coming to stand at the foot of Cloud’s bed. “It’s the only thing I can think of, and you’re not gonna like it, but it might save him.”

“Anything,” Zack rasped. “I’d go back to Shinra if it would save him.”

“Well, it’s not that. But it’s close. Let’s go talk about it.” He turned to walk out of Cloud’s room, Zack following. 

Kunsel was right. He hated this plan. He paced back and forth in the main room of the church while Aerith sat on a pew. “Zack, please, calm down. I can feel you from all the way over here.”

“How am I supposed to do that? How can I relax knowing the only thing standing between Cloud and death is--” the door to the church burst open, Kunsel appearing behind it. He pushed a blindfolded man through the door, watching as the man stumbled and fell. 

“What the fuck!?” The man rolled on the ground, trying to get his bearings. His hands were bound behind his back. Kunsel walked across the room to Aerith, pulling her into his chest.

Zack walked quickly to where the man lay on the ground, kneeling before him. He pulled the blindfold from the man’s eyes and placed his hands on his shoulders. He couldn’t help but let tears escape from his eyes. 

“Reno,” he gasped. The redhead stopped struggling against the SOLDIER, a somber expression replacing the anger that had been there only a moment before. 

“Where’s Cloud?” he asked. Zack helped Reno stand, then untied his hands. 

“Follow me,” he said. 

They stood at Cloud’s bedside, Reno’s hand clasped over his mouth. The boy hadn’t woken up at all since the night before. “How?” Reno squeaked. Dr. Lark stepped across the room to the Turk, injecting a syringe of mako into Cloud’s IV bag before addressing the man. 

“Cloud’s body is incompatible with the Jenova cells he was given in Hojo’s lab. They’re tearing through his body, breaking down cells. He’s also dealing with mako withdrawal following being poisoned in the lab. He’s dehydrated. He’s burning with fever. He’s delusional, and he’s seizing daily. I’m doing everything that I can, but--”

“He needs a real fucking hospital! Not some shit room in a church in the fucking slums!” Zack stepped in between Reno and the bed, crossing his arms in front of his chest. 

“No,” he said firmly. “You know as well as I do that the seconds we check in to any sort of Shinra facility, they’ll be on us like dogs. Really think being dragged back to the lab would be any better than being here?” 

“Don’t know if you missed it, Pretty Boy, but he’s fucking dying. And you’re letting him.” 

Zack punched Reno in the face, dropping the man to his knees. As the redhead clutched his nose, blood running between his fingers, Zack crouched in front of him. 

“Don’t you fucking dare, Reno. Not after what you were party to. Can you help him or not?” Reno stood, pulling a cloth from his jacket coat and pressing it to his nose. He stepped towards Cloud, running a hand gently across the boy’s forehead, leaving a small trace of his own blood behind. 

“Yeah. I think so. You’re gonna have to give me some time.”

“We don’t have time, Reno. He started seeing--”

“Sephiroth.” Reno stated. Zack stared at him, mouth open. “There were… others. They all… fuck, they all started screaming at anyone who walked in their cells. Telling Sephiroth to go away. And they all… they died. They were completely gone at the end, Fair. They weren’t even aware of themselves. Hojo was working on something to counteract the negative effects of the Jenova cells. I might be able to get some. Might. But even if I can, there’s no guarantee that it will work. I don’t--” 

“Please, Reno. Please. I just… I can’t lose him.”

“Yeah, yeah, Pretty Boy. I’ll help. It’s gonna take me until at least tomorrow.” Reno turned to walk out the door, pausing when he heard Cloud stir in his bed. He turned back and the boy’s eyes met his, wide with surprise.

“R...eno?” The Turk walked across the floor to sit on the side of the bed. He smiled at the boy, the expression feeling fake as he stared at sunken cheeks and eyes. Cloud smiled back weakly, speaking slowly. “How… are you… here?”

“Lover Boy over there asked me for help,” he replied, pointing a finger at Zack. “Told him I’d do what I could.” Cloud frowned, looking briefly at the SOLDIER, then turning back to Reno.

“Don’t… get in… trouble… over… me.”

“Baby Boy, we gotta get you feeling better.”

“Not… if it means… you getting… hurt.”

“Do what I want, Blondie. I gotta go, ‘kay?” He brushed a hand through Cloud’s hair, trying to keep himself from wincing as he felt several strands detach between his fingers. “Stay alive, Baby Boy.”

“I’m… trying,” Cloud said quietly as Reno stood. He walked towards the door, stopping next to Zack, the two shoulder to shoulder. 

“I’ll do what I can, Zack. If I’m not back tomorrow… just… make him comfortable, okay?” Zack nodded, unable to summon any words. Cloud was running out of time and there was little he could do about it. Reno patted him on the shoulder twice, then left the room. Zack sat on the side of the bed, pressing his lips to Cloud’s forehead. 

“Hey. I love you,” he said to the blonde. Cloud smiled at him, laughing quietly. 

“I don’t… think… I’ll ever get… tired… of hearing… that,” he struggled to say. “I… love you… too. Would you… lay with… me… until I fall… back asleep?” Zack nodded, taking his place in the bed next to Cloud, pulling the blonde tightly into his chest. 

“I love you,” Zack whispered into Cloud’s hair. “I love you so much.” The blonde breathed steadily, chest rising and falling against the SOLDIER’s. He was asleep in minutes, all the energy in his body depleted by just being awake. Zack realized as he listened to the boy breathe that he himself was exhausted. As he tried to fall asleep, he found he couldn’t. He was scared that if he did, Cloud would stop breathing. He didn’t want him to feel like he was alone if he died. 

He started thinking about what his life would be without Cloud. Would he still be able to smile? Would he ever laugh again? He was positive that he would never be able to love anyone again. Would he stay in the slums with Aerith and Kunsel? Would he leave Midgar altogether?

“Day by day, Zack. There’s no other way to move forward right now.” He lifted his head from the bed, eyes falling upon Aerith. She walked quietly to where he lay, resting a hand on his forehead. “We need to be here for each other. You look exhausted, Zackary Fair. You should go rest. I can stay with him.” Zack shook his head. 

“Reno said… there were others. Like Cloud. And that they all died after they started seeing Sephiroth. He said that… that we needed to keep him comfortable. Because if what Reno thinks might help doesn’t…” he trailed off, staring at the ceiling. Aerith was sitting on the ground, back against the mattress, staring at the ceiling as well. “I’m scared, Aerith.”

“I know.” They sat in silence for the rest of the night, Zack eventually positioning himself so that Cloud was sleeping on his chest, Zack’s arm wrapped nearly entirely around the boy, and with the other arm draped down on Aerith’s shoulder, her fingertips drawing shapes up and down his forearm. The sun rose eventually, light streaming through the window. Aerith stood up, stretching her arms above her head. Dr. Lark entered the room, checking Cloud’s monitor and changing his IV bags out. “I’ll go get us coffee. You should at least get up and stretch your legs.” Zack nodded at her, gently untangling Cloud from himself. The boy winced, but didn’t wake up. He left and decided to take a walk around the church, then went just inside of town to get coffee and something to eat, despite Aerith saying she would bring him something. He spent several hours away from the church, consumed with the thought of having to live without Cloud. When he returned to the church he showered, putting a pair of clean SOLDIER-issued pants and a black t-shirt. As he was brushing his hair in his room, he heard running down the hallway. He ran instinctively towards Cloud’s room, pushing the door open. Cloud was seizing, body shaking violently, limbs flailing. Dr. Lark was pushing meds into his IV, Aerith trying to talk to Cloud at his side, and Kunsel trying to pin the boy to the bed. Zack told his body to move towards the bed, to assist in trying to keep Cloud from injuring himself, but instead his legs buckled and he fell to the floor as the boy screamed in feverish terror. 

“SEPHIROTH! NO!” Lark pushed a syringe of white liquid into Cloud’s IV line, and the boy finally collapsed back to the mattress. Zack released his breath, pushing himself shakily from the floor. He walked to the bed and took a seat in the chair beside it, twisting his fingers between Cloud’s. An engine roared to a stop outside and Zack heard the door to the church swing open, followed by the sounds of someone running. Reno burst through the door to Cloud’s room, holding a shiny metal suitcase. He passed it to Dr. Lark, who opened it, pulling out a small syringe filled with blue liquid. 

“Reno?” Zack said. The redhead turned to him, drawing heavy breaths. 

“Did what I could, Fair.”

“And you’re sure this is what Hojo was working on?”

“Yeah, Zack. I saw them give it to people.” Reno shivered as he finished his sentence, causing anxiety to rise in Zack’s chest. 

“And?”

“None of them lived, Fair. They all died screaming. But none of them held on as long as he has. It might work. Don’t think there’s another choice.” 

Zack was going to throw up. Dr. Lark removed the cap from the syringe, eyes locking with Zack’s for a moment. Zack nodded at him, and he attached the syringe to Cloud’s IV. As soon as the medication hit Cloud’s blood, the boy began to scream and thrash. 

The last thing Zack saw was Aerith, casting sleep on him as Kunsel ran towards him.

He woke in his bed, sunlight filling the room, shining through his eyelids. He felt a cool hand on his forehead and suddenly he was aware that he had last been watching Cloud scream and thrash as a medication created by Hojo coursed through his veins. Aerith had put him to sleep and Kunsel must have moved him back to his room. He kept his eyes closed, afraid to open them to find that the cool hand belonged to Aerith, here to tell him that Cloud had died. Part of him hoped that the boy was gone, freed from his suffering. Part of him wasn’t ready to face the world if that was the case. He closed his eyes harder, fighting against the tears that were threatening to loose themselves. Cool fingertips trailed across his cheek, gently wiping away the one tear that made it out. He breathed deeply, preparing himself to wake fully.

“I know you’re awake,” Cloud’s voice said. “Open your eyes.” Zack did as he was told, Cloud’s face coming into his field of view.

He was perfect. His hair fell in spikes around his face, framing his mako-changed eyes. His skin was pale and perfect, just as it had been before the lab. His cheeks were slightly pink, watching as Zack took him in. The SOLDIER couldn’t speak as he drank in the sight before him. He reached up to brush his fingers across the boy’s skin, eager to touch him.

The blonde pulled away, eyes flashing green. The room around him began to darken, the air suddenly cool. Zack watched in horror as Cloud fell to the floor, clutching his head and screaming. His blonde hair began to turn silver, trailing towards the floor. A deep laugh penetrated the space between them, and a scream escaped Zack’s lips as Sephiroth rose before him, one dark wing bursting forth from his shoulder. 

“You’ve made my work easier, Fair. Thank you. Be sure to tell Cloud hello for me.” Sephiroth drew his sword and plunged it into Zack’s chest, the man crying out in pain and terror as Sephiroth rose into the air, bursting through the roof of the church. He continued screaming as he heard somebody yelling his name. 

“ZACK!” he snapped awake, cold sweat soaking through his clothes. Kunsel was standing over him, concern in his eyes. It had been a dream. A terrible, terrible dream. 

“Kunsel?” The man exhaled, relief playing across his features. 

“Aerith! He’s back!” Kunsel called out the door. Zack looked around and recognized that he was in his room at the church. Plate sun light shone through the window, though it was dim, indicating proximity to night. He looked back to the door as Aerith walked through it, her eyes sparkling. 

“Welcome back,” she said. “You had us scared there for a minute. You boys might be the death of me.”

“Aerith, what happened?”

“You passed out. Finally.”

“Where’s Cloud?” She smiled at Zack, tears falling from her eyes. 

It was at that moment Zack realized his fingers were woven between another set. A thumb brushed gently across the back of his hand, warm and smooth. He looked to his side and locked eyes with Cloud. 

The boy was paler than usual, eyes sunken deep into his skull, hair dull and skin stretched across bony features. The tube he was being fed through still hung from his nose, and his IV protruded from his arm. His smile was weak, but it was his, beautiful and pure. His eyes were tired, all the trauma he had lived through dulling the shine Zack had known before. 

“Hi,” the boy breathed. Zack sat and pulled him into a hug in one swift motion, sobbing.

“You’re alive,” he cried. He ran his hands up and down Cloud’s back, feeling every vertebra. 

“Yeah. I’m alive,” the boy said shakily. “I don’t know how, but I’m alive.” Zack pulled back from the blonde, hands on his shoulders, staring at the only person that mattered. 

Cloud closed the space between them, pressing his lips to the SOLDIER’s. Both of them were crying, but Zack had never been happier in his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have I ever mentioned how absolutely grateful I am for you all? You're amazing. I was having a really difficult time getting through this chapter, but I made it, and I hope you guys like it. We are on the other side now, and things are going to start looking up. BUT, I couldn't move forward without planting some terrible seeds of darkness, right? We have to keep things interesting. 
> 
> Thank you to every single one of you who continues to read and comment these chapters. Thank you so much. This is my creative outlet; something I love to do to get away from all the other things going on in life. You guys keep me going and creating. I adore you.
> 
> ALSO, forever grateful to the reader that contributed to my ko-fi account in a bigger way than I ever expected. You're amazing. You're kind. You didn't have to do that. Your comments are already so much more than I ever expected. Thank you again. Seriously. I am eternally grateful.


	23. Recovery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little fluff, a little slow burn, a little bit of a long wait.

Dr. Lark had managed to recreate the formula Hojo had created, taking it back to the lab he synthesized Cloud’s mako treatments in. He was given the medication once daily through his IV, the blue liquid trailing down the clear tubing until it reached Cloud’s arm. The boy braced himself against the pain of the medication, but every day the infusion ended the same way. He cried out in pain and thrashed against the burning in his veins. Zack held him tight against his body when he received the drug, allowing him to scream and cry into his chest. When the treatment was over, Cloud almost always needed a nap. Zack would rub his back gently, waiting for the blonde to fall asleep. Only after he was sure Cloud wouldn’t wake, Zack would slip out of the bed, going to eat something and work out while the man he loved recovered. He had been focusing on his own recovery at the insistence of Cloud, taking up a regular training schedule. His body was feeling better, he was regaining mass and starting to fit back into the size of clothing he had worn before being taken into the lab by Shinra. He was eating more, talking with Aerith and Kunsel regularly, and taking odd jobs around town to earn some money. He would stay out for an hour or two after Cloud had his treatment, returning in time to be there when he woke, just before Lark started his mako drip. They had been working on lowering his dose over the weeks since Reno had delivered Hojo’s serum to them, trial and error guiding them. For a brief moment, they had taken the dose down too much and Cloud had slipped back into a coma. Lark titrated the dose up until the boy woke back up, then left the dose the same. It was a small enough amount that it could be given as an injection, but the thought of having to be stuck every day when there was already a needle in his arm for his other infusions drove the boy to tears, stammering about how much he hated needles. They had decided to leave the mako as an IV infusion after that. He was still receiving his nutrition through the tube that hung from his nose, though Lark had told him he could begin to try eating foods normally. On this day, Zack had returned to Cloud’s room with some crackers from the local grocery store, and some soup that Elmyra had made. He walked in just as the blonde was waking up, smiling as he watched him rub his eyes and stretch. “Hey, babe. How are you feeling? Did you get a good nap?” Cloud nodded, staring at his IV tubing as the green glow of mako slowly reached his arm. 

“I’m okay. I slept pretty good. I still feel so… tired.” He winced at the end of the statement, the mako hitting his bloodstream. Zack sat on the side of the bed next to Cloud, ruffling blonde hair. 

“You’re gonna be tired for a while, Cloud. But, maybe some real food will help!” He smiled widely, holding up the bag that held crackers and soup. He poured some of the soup into a bowl, plopped a spoon into it, and offered it to Cloud. With shaking hands, the boy accepted it, sitting it in his lap as Zack handed him crackers. He stared down at the food for several minutes, breathing steadily.

“How long has it been since we got out?” he asked quietly. Zack looked up at him, only to find that the boy’s eyes still remained on the crackers. He sighed. 

“A year,” he said quietly. Cloud’s head snapped up, eyes full of pain and sadness locking on to Zack’s.

“A year? On top of the time we spent in the lab?” Zack nodded at the blonde, bringing one of his hands to rest on the boy’s knee. 

“Yeah. It was really… touch and go. You’ve been really sick. So you need to give yourself some time, okay? It’s gonna take some time for you to recover. Eating some real food might be a good start,” he said. “Unless you would like to keep that tube up your nose forever,” he laughed. 

“You mean you don’t want one for yourself?” Cloud asked, smiling. Zack laughed, a great booming sound, as relief filled his chest. 

“No way in hell,” he said. “I like my straws in my mouth.” 

Cloud laughed, and Zack felt like his chest was going to explode. He blinked back happy tears and reached up to ruffle Cloud’s hair. “Eat,” the SOLDIER said. Cloud nodded and brought a cracker to his lips, biting off half. He chewed slowly, then swallowed. Then he closed his eyes and… 

Moaned. 

Zack’s cheeks suddenly burned and he felt light headed. He stood quickly, walking across the room in several large strides. He stared out of the window as Cloud moved on to the soup, pressing spoonfuls of the liquid to his lips. Zack tapped his fingers against the windowsill, waiting for the feelings that had flared in his chest and his body to settle. He loved Cloud, but he had never thought of… 

“Zack?” He turned back around to see the blonde staring at him, holding a spoonful of soup. He took a deep breath and walked back over to the bed, remaining standing. 

“What’s up?” he asked. The boy smiled at him, a real, genuine smile, and Zack was hit with the realization that he  _ really  _ loved Cloud. More than he had ever loved anyone he had dated, more than he ever thought he would love anyone. His chest ached as he sat next to the boy, heart beating hard.

“This soup is really good,” he said. “And it feels really  _ really  _ good to eat. When do you think I’ll be able to eat more?” Zack laughed, the ache in his chest growing. 

“Elmyra made it. Everything she makes is good, it’s ridiculous. She really wants to meet you, so as soon as you’re strong enough, we should go for dinner there. As far as eating more, let’s take it slow. Don’t want you throwing up real food if we can help it. Let’s see how the soup and crackers sit.” Cloud frowned, frustration knitting his brow. Zack held his hand, gently brushing a thumb across soft skin. “Hey, it’s going to get better. Look how far you’ve come already.” Cloud scoffed.

“I’m able to stay awake now and I haven’t thrown up in three days. Is being able to function like a regular human being progress?” he looked down defeatedly at the now empty bowl of soup, dropping the spoon in. Zack snuck his hand up to Cloud’s chin, tipping his head up so that their eyes met. 

“Wanna go for a walk? Your mako infusion is almost done.” the SOLDIER asked, smiling. Cloud stared quietly at him for a moment, a smile slowly creeping across his face.

“Yeah. I do.” Zack pumped his fist into the air like he had just won a game. They waited a few minutes for the last traces of green in the IV tubing to disappear beneath his skin, the Zack closed the line and unhooked Cloud. He helped Cloud stand up and wrapped an arm around his waist, grabbing the waistband of his loose-fitting sweatpants, ready to catch him if he fell. Zack led the way and they walked slowly out of the room, turning down the hall to head towards the main room. 

“We aren’t going far, but I figure you might like to see something that isn’t the four walls of your room.”

“That’s okay,” Cloud said, voice light and pleasant. “I don’t think I could go very far anyway. I’m already feeling pretty drained.” Zack tightened his grip on Cloud’s waistband, giving a small amount of support to the boy. Zack pushed a door open and he and Cloud walked into the main room of the church. Cloud gasped, and Zack smiled.

“Beautiful, right?” 

“I… Zack… this is… “ Cloud wiped away a tear from his cheek, walking forward towards the front of the room, where the flowers grew. 

“Let’s go sit by them,” Zack whispered. Cloud nodded, and they walked to the flower patch. Once they were standing beside it, Zack helped the blonde to the ground, then sat several feet away. Cloud tilted his face up, basking in the sunlight while Zack stared at him. Even as thin as he was, as dull as his skin and hair were, and as dark as the circles under his eyes had become, Cloud was still the most handsome man Zack had ever seen. 

“I can’t believe something this beautiful still exists,” Cloud whispered. He brought his gaze down, reaching out to gently touch a white flower. 

“What do you mean?” 

“There’s just… so much bad. There’s so many terrible things going on. So many terrible things have happened… to us. It’s just… hard to believe that good things still exist.”

“Cloud, I… I’m so sorry, about everything that’s happened. If I had just--”

“Stop, Zack. It isn’t your fault. We were in the wrong place at the wrong time with the wrong people. And I wasn’t going to just let you and Tifa get hurt without trying to take him down myself. We both did what we could. We stood up and defended what was right. We protected our honor as SOLDIER. What happened after wasn’t on you. And getting out, being here with you, meeting Aerith, those are all good things. And while I’m weak, and I’m broken, and I don’t know if I’ll ever be the same, I’m… I’m happy.” Cloud looked down at the ground, while Zack stared at him, slack-jawed. 

“I love you,” he said. Cloud smiled, still looking at the ground. 

“I love you too.” Zack shook his head and cleared his throat, prompting Cloud to look up. Zack was staring at him, eyes shining with tears. 

“I mean it,” he whispered. Then, a little louder, “I love you. I can’t-- I can’t imagine existing without you. I spent every minute by your side thinking about what would happen if… I don’t know if I would’ve made it. I don’t ever want to be without you.”

“When we were in the lab and… that first time that Hojo took you and… I had to listen. When I thought you died I knew exactly how I was going to go. If Reno hadn’t been there, if they hadn’t brought you back alive, I--” he choked on his words, throat becoming tight. Zack quickly closed the space between them, and pulled the blonde into his chest. Cloud wrapped his arms around the man, tucking his head into the space between Zack’s shoulder and neck. “I love you,” he said. Zack squeezed him a little harder.

“I love you, Cloud.” They sat a little longer by the flowers, hanging on to each other. Cloud released his hold first, Zack following suit. Zack stood, pulling the blonde to his feet, waiting for several moments as he steadied himself. They held hands as they walked down the hall that led to Cloud’s room. Zack helped him back into bed, then hooked him back up to his IV fluids. “Should probably run a feed while you nap. While it’s progress, soup and crackers aren’t exactly high in calories or nutrition.” Cloud nodded, trying to keep himself awake as Zack hooked him up to the bag of calories. When he was done, he sat in the chair beside the bed, brushing blonde hair out of Cloud’s face. “Tired?” he asked. Cloud nodded.

“Yeah. Sorry. I guess I don’t have much energy stored up yet. But I’m super grateful for the walk. Can we go again soon?” 

“Whenever you want,” Zack said with a smile. “Get some sleep, okay? I’ll be back with some food for dinner.” He stood from the chair and walked towards the door, opening it slowly. 

“Hey, Zack?” Cloud said. The man stopped in his tracks, turning back towards the bed. 

“Yeah?”

“Does this… does this make me your boyfriend?” he asked. His cheeks were red and he stared at the ceiling. Zack’s heart nearly beat out of his chest. 

“Yeah, babe. It makes you my boyfriend. That okay?” Cloud smiled as he turned over, trying to get comfortable as he fell asleep.

“Yeah. That’s okay,” he said. Zack blushed as he stepped out of the room, closing the door quietly behind him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HOW ABOUT THAT WAIT!? Guys. I am so sorry. I'm having the most serious bout of writer's block. This chapter may seem a little...fluffy, but I think we all needed the break from all the delicious angst I love. Don't worry, it will be back. As always, thank you all SO MUCH for sticking with me. This story means a lot to me, and knowing that it makes someone else happy makes my day!
> 
> <3


	24. Declaration

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Angst. Shouting. Crying. 
> 
> TW: Panic attacks, mention of rape (so short, I promise), and depression.
> 
> If you are feeling alone, feeling like you aren't enough, or feeling like the people around you deserve better, know that you are enough. You are loved, you are important, and you make the world a better place. I promise there is a brighter tomorrow out there.

Weeks continued to pass, turning into months, Zack continued to grow stronger, and Cloud grew more frustrated with his own limitations. He wasn’t able to eat much solid food without getting sick several hours later, and therefore wasn’t gaining enough weight to convince Dr. Lark to remove his feeding tube. He could walk a little further through the church every week, but he was so tired following this that he had to nap almost immediately. Zack tried as hard as he could to keep Cloud positive, but as time passed it was growing harder and harder. 

“Want to try a sandwich today, Spikey? PB&J?” He held up a baggie containing the sandwich he was talking about. “Aerith said it might be easier for you to eat and keep down. Elmyra made it while we were over there this morning. She makes the jam herself! Super good, I promise.” Cloud shook his head, then turned to stare out of the window. 

“No, thanks.” 

“Okay, how about some soup? Elmyra made some great toma--”

“No, Zack. I’m not hungry. Thanks.”

“Okay. Um, guess I’ll save this stuff for later and just hook you up to a feed then.”

“I’m good. I’m just gonna sleep some more. It’s the only thing I’m any good at.”

“Cloud, we have to put some more weight on you. If you don’t--”

“Zack, I said no!” Cloud shouted. “Just leave me alone!” Zack dropped the sandwich he was holding on the floor, stepping towards Cloud’s bed. 

“Leave you alone? Leave you alone!? In what fucking world? I’ve been right here, stuck with you, trying to keep you alive every day for the past five fucking years!” He shouted back at the boy. The blonde flinched away from him and Zack instantly regretted his words. “Hey, that’s not what I--”

“I never meant… to be a burden,” Cloud whispered. He swore the pain he was feeling in his chest was worse than anything he had endured in Hojo’s lab. Was that all that Zack saw him as? Did he really even love him? 

Anguish settled into Zack’s chest as he watched hurt and fear play across Cloud’s features. He took several more steps towards the bed, trying to soften his voice as he spoke. “Cloud, I didn’t mean--”

“Please leave,” Cloud whispered. Zack reached out a hand to touch the boy’s shoulder, but dropped it when Cloud flinched away. 

“Cloud--”

“Go. Please. I can hook myself up. I’ve watched you do it hundreds of times.”

“Babe--”

“Please.” Cloud lay down on the bed and rolled so that his back was to Zack. The SOLDIER stood where he was for several moments, then turned to leave the room. He shut the door behind him and walked down the hall to his own room, leaving his door open. He sat on the edge of his bed, shaking, tears rolling down his face. 

“Zack?” Aerith stood outside the door, hands clasped in front of her, worry playing across her features. “Is Cloud okay? Do I need to go get--”

“No. He’s fine.”

“Are you okay?”

“No.”

“Gonna give me any more information than that?” She knelt in front of him, hands resting on his knees. 

“I… Aerith, I messed up. I told Cloud… fuck, I told him that I’d been stuck with him for five years, trying to keep him alive. I yelled at him for not wanting to eat. I just want…I just want him to be better. And I made it sound like he’s a burden. I made it sound like I resented him.” Aerith reached a hand up, laying it on Zack’s cheek. Tears rolled down his face and his breath hitched. 

“I can’t imagine what you’ve gone through, Zack. I can’t. I’ll listen when you are both ready to talk about it, but until then, I can only go off of how damaged you both are. And as much as you’ve kept Cloud alive, as hard as you have fought to make sure that he is okay, he’s done the same for you, even if it is in a different way. He loves you. He doesn’t want you to feel like he’s holding you back from being happy.  _ He  _ doesn’t want to feel like he’s holding you back from being happy. You two need to talk. You need reasonable expectations, both of you. You need boundaries. You can’t just let everything sit and stagnate just because you’re boyfriends,” she said. Zack looked at her, surprise playing across his face. “He told me,” she said. “He was so happy you finally said it. He wants to make you happy. You have time now. It’s okay to relax. It’s okay to grieve what you’ve both lost. You’re not the same, Zack Fair, neither of you. He’s not a boy anymore, he’s a man. And you need to process that.” She stood, pressing her lips to his forehead. “I’m going to go check on Cloud. Rest.” She walked out of the room, closing the door behind her. Zack lay back on his bed, hand resting across his eyes. He breathed deeply to keep tears from falling out of his eyes. Aerith was right. He wasn’t sure he knew who he was anymore. The only thing he knew for sure was that he loved Cloud. How was he supposed to figure the rest out? His identity had been tied to SOLDIER for so long that he didn’t know what to see himself as now. And Cloud. Aerith had called him a  _ man _ , and she was right. He wasn’t the boy that Zack had first met. He was a man who had gone through a great deal; physically, he had been through more than Zack had. He had never asked him how the things he went through affected him, he just continued to try and protect him, to keep him alive. He had to get to know the man that Cloud was now. 

But first, he had to apologize. He stood up from the bed, wiping his eyes with the back of his sleeve. He did a few squats to bring his breath back to normal, then pulled his door open. 

Aerith slammed into him, causing him to take a step back. She bounced off of him and fell to the ground, breathing hard. Zack offered a hand to her, but she shook her head, staring up at him with eyes full of tears. “Cloud’s gone!” she sobbed. Zack’s heart sank and he knelt in front of her.

“What do you mean, he’s gone!?” Zack thought the worst, that Cloud had finally died just as the man was recovering, just as the ex-SOLDIER was ready to talk about all that had happened to them. 

“I-I went to ch-check on him and he’s not there! I searched the whole church! There’s blood on the bed and he’s gone!” Zack stood and stepped over Aerith in one fluid motion, sprinting to Cloud’s room. He was met with exactly what Aerith had said to him: blood on the bed and a missing blonde. It took everything in Zack not to sink to the floor and lose his mind. Instead, he stepped toward the bed, finding that the blood was accompanied by an IV catheter, the small plastic tube bent and the tape that had secured it crumpled. A bandage wrapper lay on the floor next to the bed, and the window across the room was open, curtains whipping around in the breeze. Aerith stumbled into the room, still crying. Zack crossed to her, pulling her into a hug. 

“It’s okay,” he whispered. “Go get Kunsel. We have to find him. I’m going now. You both have my number.” He walked across the room, exiting through the open window. 

Three hours of shouting later and Zack was losing his voice. He was also losing hope. Sector 4 wasn’t large enough for Cloud to have been missing this long. Cloud wasn’t strong enough to have gotten far. What if he hadn’t left on his own? What if he had been taken, what if Shinra had found them and finally made their move to take him back to Hojo? Would Zack have to go back to the lab to free him again? 

Could he handle going back to the lab, even if it was to save Cloud?

Suddenly, he couldn’t breathe. His chest was tight and his lungs were on fire. The sounds around him grew louder and he clasped his hands over his ears. He sank slowly to the ground, tucking his head between his knees. 

“Zack?”  _ Aerith.  _ Her hand grasped his shoulder and things quieted. 

“I can’t find him,” he whispered. She brushed his hair back, cool fingers a relief to his skin. 

“We haven’t spotted him either.”  _ Kunsel. _ “No one that we’ve talked to has seen him. Zack, have you considered-”

“Shinra wasn’t here, Kunsel. I told you. I would know if they had.” Zack pulled his head up, locking eyes with Kunsel.

“Reno?” he asked. Kunsel nodded. He pulled his phone from his pocket, dialed a number and put it to his ear. 

“It’s Kunsel. Yeah. Have you heard anything about Strife? Any orders to… retake him? No? Yeah. He’s… missing. No, Reno, don’t-” he held the phone out from his ear, then put it back. “Reno? Reno?” He put the phone back into his pocket, shaking his head. “No orders that Reno has heard. He’s going to ask around.”

“Miss Aerith! Miss Aerith!” a child called from across the way, exiting a shop. He was a small thing, black-haired and blue-eyed. He ran up to Aerith, hugging her around the legs. “You haven’t been around as much lately!” the boy exclaimed. “Are you okay?” Aerith smiled at him, kneeling down to come eye-to-eye with him. 

“I know, and I’m so sorry! I am fine! Thank you for thinking of me! I’ve just been helping some friends out while they get to feeling better. Would you like to meet one of them?” The boy nodded his head, and Aerith pointed to Zack, who was still sitting on the ground. “This is Zack. He’s one of my dearest and oldest friends. You can go say hi. He’s a little sad right now, but I bet you could help cheer him up!” The boy stepped closer to Zack, hesitant. 

“I’m Cole,” the boy said. Zack stared at the ground, the last remnants of the panic attack he had suffered minutes ago still lingering. “I hope Miss Aerith has been helping you feel better. Mister Kunsel, too. They’re real nice. They help me, too. What’s making you sad? I could draw you a picture if it would help you feel better! I’m good at drawing!” Zack looked up at the boy, eyes wet with tears.

“Hi, Cole. I’m Zack. I’m sad because a person I love very much is missing. And the last time I talked to him, we fought.” The boy stared at him for a moment, then pulled a notepad and crayons from his backpack. He sat on the ground in front of Zack, drawing as he spoke again.

“My mom told me that the people we love know we love them. She told me that when my dad died, and again when she got sick and sent me to the orphanage. I really miss them. But they know I love them. And I bet the person you are looking for knows you love them too!” He looked back up at Zack, studying him for another moment before going back to drawing. “Your eyes are different,” he said. “I saw another man today with eyes like yours. He had funny hair and he looked kinda sick. See?” The boy held up his drawing and Zack held his breath. It was Cloud. Blonde spiky hair and mako-touched eyes. Zack took the drawing with shaking hands, looking at Aerith and Kunsel. 

“This is the man you saw?” Cole nodded. 

“Yeah, he was stumbling around, muttering to someone I couldn’t see.” Zack opened his mouth to reply to the child, but no sound came out. Aerith crouched in front of him, speaking softly. 

“Cole, this is the person we are looking for. Can you tell me when you saw him and where he was headed?” The boy nodded.

“It was about an hour ago, I think. He walked past the orphanage, like he was headed to the big empty space by Miss Elmyra’s home. Is he sick, Miss Aerith? He didn’t look very good.”

Zack stood up, turning towards the part of town that would lead him to the Gainsborough home. Aerith hugged Cole, nodding. “Yes, Cole. He is sick. I’m so glad you saw him. We can go find him now. I promise I will come and see you all soon, okay? Right now I have to go help Zack find Cloud.” She stood and ran after Zack, Kunsel right behind her. Zack sprinted in the direction Cole said he had seen Cloud. He ran past the orphanage and up the path, frantically calling for Cloud. The empty space just off of the path was just that, empty, free of any humans. Zack nearly dropped when Cloud wasn’t there. He continued to call for the man, voice cracking. He continued up the path, shouting. 

“Cloud! Cloud, please! Cloud! Clou-” he stopped, dropping to the ground when he saw a tuft of blonde hair peeking out from behind a stack of Shinra boxes. On hands and knees, he crawled towards the sight, whispering prayers. “Please, please.” He passed the wall of boxes and found Cloud. The boy was pale, covered in dirt and blood, but breathing. Zack pulled him into his lap, shaking him as he cried. “Please wake up. Please, Cloud. I’m so sorry. I’m sorry. I never meant-”

“Zack! Oh thank goodness! Kunsel! Please go to my mother! We’ll need the guest room. Call Lark. He’ll have to come here. We can’t take Cloud back there right now!” She knelt beside Zack, holding a hand over Cloud’s forehead. “He’s going to be okay, Zack. He’s still here. Come on, we have to get him cleaned up and in a bed. Come on!” She pulled him to his feet, leading him down the path to her home. He followed without thinking, holding Cloud tightly. 

“I’m so sorry,” he whispered. “Oh God, Cloud. I’m so sorry.”

Elmyra was waiting for them at the door, eyes full of concern. “There’s already a bath drawn. Come now, we’ll get him cleaned up. Zack, you wait here. Rest. I’ve made tea. Give him to Kunsel, he’ll help us take him up.” Zack passed the blonde reluctantly to Kunsel, taking a seat at the kitchen table. He sipped absently on the cup of tea, body numb and shaking. Time passed painfully slow, Kunsel making his way back down the stairs. 

“He’s waking up,” he said. Zack’s head shot up, eyes locking with Kunsel’s. “He’s crying. He keeps saying he’s sorry. He pulled out his tube. He got sick in the bath. But he’s alive. Somehow.”

“Lark?” Zack asked hoarsley. 

“He’s on his way. Had to get all his shit from the church.”

“You should go up, Zackary. He’s asking for you,” Elmyra walked down the stairs, wiping her hands with a towel she carried. “Aerith is making sure he is comfortable. He should stay here for a while. He’s in no state to be moved.” Zack jumped up as she spoke, taking the stairs two at a time. He opened the door to the spare room next to Aerith’s, frantically searching the room with his eyes until they found Cloud. He was clean, scrubbed free of all the dirt and grime he had accumulated. His hair was sharp, falling back into the spikes he so dearly loved. Aerith stood next to the bed, tucking another pillow behind the man, asking if he was comfortable. He nodded weakly, speaking a quiet ‘thank you’. She leaned down to press her lips gently to his forehead, then walked toward the door, giving Zack’s hand a quick squeeze as she left. 

“Take it easy on him. He’s hurting more than he’s letting on.” She closed the door quietly behind her, and Zack strode towards the bed, taking a seat on the edge, staring out of the window. Cloud stared down at the bedding, picking at a snag in the fiber.

“I didn’t want you to think… that I was a burden,” Cloud said quietly. His voice was thick with tears, breaths short. “I don’t want… to be the thing that holds you back. I want you… to be happy. And if… if I’m not what makes you… happy, then I should let you go… and you should go. You don’t have to be stuck with me. That’s never… that’s never what I wanted.”

“I’m… I’m so sorry, Cloud,” the man whispered. He drew a shuddering breath, chest tight. “That’s not what I meant. I was… shit, Cloud, I was angry and I said things I shouldn’t have.”

“You wouldn’t have said it if you weren’t thinking it, Zack.” The ex-SOLDIER curled a hand into a fist, clenching it so tightly that he nearly drew blood. 

“Cloud. I don’t feel stuck with you. I don’t. I love you. I want you. I want you to get better. I want us to have a life together. But having this huge… secret? Being the only people around who know what happened to us? It’s draining me, babe. It really is. It eats at me, and I know it eats at you, too. Aerith, Kunsel, now Elmyra, they’ve all helped us without question. Don’t we owe them an explanation? Or do we just have to keep letting this… this thing eat away at us? I didn’t mean stuck with you, Cloud. I meant stuck with this secret. Stuck with this horrible thing that makes me wake up screaming in the middle of the night. This thing that had me thinking that they took you, that they were bringing you back to the lab. This thing that had me PRAYING you ran away, because I wasn’t sure I could go back even if it was to save you!” with the last sentence, Zack doubled over in tears. He sobbed loudly, taking deep, gasping breaths in an attempt to calm himself. Cloud stared at the wall.

“If they know, they’ll just pity me more than they already do, Zack.”

“Pity? No one pities you, Cloud! They just want to see you get better, and they don’t understand why you’re so sick in the first place!” 

“Dr. Lark understands. Reno understands. Isn’t that enough?” Cloud asked quietly. 

“They understand because they were part of the problem, Spikey! How can you not see that? Don’t you remember what Reno put you through? What Lark put us through?” 

“I couldn’t forget if I tried, Zack!” Cloud roared. Zack jumped, standing at the side of the bed, shocked. “I can’t forget! I’ll never forget the sound of you screaming! I’ll never forget the pain! I don’t even get the chance to forget it because of how fucked up I am, don’t you see that!? I’M the one who has to sit through infusion after infusion day after day! I’M the one who can’t even gain enough weight to get a tube pulled out of my nose! I’M the one who isn’t strong enough to walk across town without collapsing! YOU’RE stuck? I have to keep living it EVERY SINGLE DAY, ZACK! You wake up screaming? Well, me too. I love you, Zack. Truly, I do. I love you more than anything. But this…thing!? It isn’t as simple as telling them what happened! I want a life with you, but how can I live when this is all I have? Meds, feeding, sleeping! How are you supposed to be happy with someone who is as fucked up as me!? You want a life with me!? What if I’m never able to stop taking mako, or the meds to counteract the Jenova cells? Can you handle that? What if I’m never comfortable enough to sleep with you because I’m so fucked up from what Berev did!? You deserve better, Zack! You deserve someone normal! I should’ve died in there so that you could have a chance at being happy!” Cloud screamed as he burst into tears, sobs ripping their way up from his throat. Zack swallowed hard, sitting back down on the bed. 

“I love you,” he said quietly, laying his hand on top of Cloud’s. “I love you and nothing could change that. Nothing. Not mako, not the other drug, not having to hook you up to a machine to make sure you’re fed. I want a life with  _ you _ , Cloud. Not with someone else who doesn’t understand me. I deserve  _ you.  _ But I don’t want us to keep this secret forever. It’s just going to keep destroying us, do you see that?” Cloud nodded softly, drawing his knees up to his chest. “You’re going to get better, Cloud. I know you are. We’ll get our own place, something that’s just ours. We’ll be able to live normal lives. Together. All I want is you. I promise. I don’t want anyone else.” He kicked his shoes off and laid down next to the blonde. “Could you be happy with me, Spikey?” Cloud nodded, a small hiccup creeping through his lips. He readjusted himself in the bed so that his head lay on Zack’s chest, breathing deeply.

“Yeah. Yeah I could. You’re… you’re what I want, Zack. I love you.” He yawned, snuggling deeper against Zack’s chest. “I’ve wanted to be with you since we were… in… SOLDIER.” 

Cloud fell asleep as soon as he was done speaking.

His words echoed in Zack’s head and the only ex-SOLDIER in the room had never felt so awake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys are the BEST readers on the planet. I cannot tell you how much I appreciate every single one of you. I worked hard to get this chapter out in a timely manner, and I'm working at more consistent posting. Thank you so much for sticking with me, for reading what I'm writing, and for enjoying it. Even though the characters aren't originally mine, putting my writing out there is a scary thing, and you guys have made it so so SO worth it.
> 
> Please continue to leave comments on these chapters! I know I have lost track with replies, but things are getting more normal in my life and I should have more time to work on replies! I love every single comment you guys leave, and they seriously keep me going. 
> 
> Again, you guys are nothing short of AMAZING.


	25. A Promise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh MAN <3

Zack woke up screaming in the middle of the night, just as he always did. He was used to reliving the horrors of the lab, of feeling the burning in his veins, hearing the screams that were burned into his brain forever. He was used to walking into rooms to find Cloud’s lifeless body.

This was the first time he had watched Cloud die. They were in their cell, Zack sitting on the floor, holding Cloud in his lap. The blonde was seizing, blood running from his nose down his face. 

He was dying, and there was nothing Zack could do. He had screamed. He had begged for help. He had asked for whatever power controlled the universe to take him instead. Nothing had worked. He held the person he loved more than anything as he died. When the man finally stopped seizing, when he took his last breath, Zack screamed with everything he had. All the hurt, all the anguish he had ever felt escaped his body in one long sound. 

“Zack? Zack it’s okay. We’re out. We’re safe.” He woke up with a start, gasping for air and covered in cold sweat. He looked wildly around the room, eyes finally coming to rest on Cloud. The boy was staring at him, eyes wide, his gaunt face pale and worried. Zack blinked then opened his eyes and for a moment, the image of Cloud’s lifeless face, blood running from his nose, flashed across his vision. A wave of nausea washed over him and he quickly sat up, turning to the side and retching. He was aware of Cloud’s hand on his back as bile and tea rose up in his throat, hot tears running down his cheeks. 

“Zack?” Aerith stood in the door, quiet voice shaking. “I heard screaming.”

“Just a bad dream,” he managed to choke out between gags. She walked across the room slowly. Cloud continued to rub Zack’s back, a gesture he had remembered his mother performing when he had been sick as a child. 

“It’s okay,” he whispered. “We’re alive. We’re here where it’s safe. We’re together.” Zack drew a ragged breath. Aerith knelt in front of him, placing a hand gently on his knee. He looked around, trying to calm himself down, but his tactic failed him. He found his eyes settling on the clothes he had found Cloud in, crumpled and bloodied in the corner, then the IV pole next to the bed, tubes connected to Cloud’s arm. Lark must have come in while he was sleeping. He turned back towards Aerith, then dropped his face into his hands. 

“Zack, what’s going on?” He shook his head, nausea rising up once again. 

“Was it… about the lab?” Cloud asked quietly. He nodded, and Aerith looked at Cloud, a million questions written in her eyes. 

“Lab?” she asked. Cloud stared at Zack’s back, riddled with scars. He loved this man more than he could ever express. He would do anything to keep him from hurting. But he had done nothing to help him heal from the horrors they had experienced in the lab. 

“Aerith, can you go get Kunsel and your mother? There’s something… a lot of things… that we need to tell you.” She looked at him for several moments more, then stood, walking out of the room. Zack turned to the blonde, bringing a hand to the side of his face. 

“Cloud--”

“It’s time,” the man said. “I’m sorry I let you hurt for so long. This is about more than me. I’m sorry I haven’t seen that. I don’t want… I don’t want you to feel like you have to hide what’s happened to us just because I’m… scared. You deserve better. We both deserve better. I love you. I love you so much. I love you more than I’m scared.” The blonde was shaking under Zack’s hand, shivering from fear and anxiety. Zack caught a tear that was running down his cheek.

“You sure about this?”

“As sure as I’m going to be. I want to do this for you.” Zack pressed his lips to Cloud’s several times, breathing in as the blonde’s lips parted slightly. 

“I love you,” he said as he broke their contact. “How are you feeling?” Cloud shrugged. 

“Like my body is rejecting everything that’s been pumped into it for the past five years and I just had to have another needle stuck into my arm to continue to pump the very chemicals that are trying to kill me back into me. So, there’s that.”

“You’re going to get--”

“Better. Yeah.” Zack opened his mouth to chastise Cloud, but the door opened and Aerith, Elmyra and Kunsel walked through. 

“You have something to tell us?” Kunsel asked. Cloud nodded.

“Yeah. You guys might want to sit down. There’s a lot to unpack.”

It took hours for Zack and Cloud to get through everything that had happened to them. Aerith and Elmyra had both cried. Kunsel had to leave the room at one point, stating he needed to throw up. He spent the remainder of the time either holding Aerith or punching the floor. Aerith had wanted to bury her face into Kunsel’s shoulder nearly the entire time, but she hadn’t. She had listened to the men in front of her speak, listened to everything they had gone through. She cried as they spoke about the ways they had been experimented on, the horrible pain they had gone through for the sake of Hojo’s “science”. She had watched as Zack held Cloud as the blonde had told them what had happened to him, the way he had been violated, the way that he had wished for death. She held her breath as Zack told them about the mako tanks, and as he spoke about their escape. He told them about how what had seemed like half of the Shinra army had been waiting for them. Cloud told them how he had found Zack on the ledge, how he had dragged Zack’s body to the edge of the city, then couldn’t remember any more. 

“And you know the rest,” Zack said. “That’s why I left and didn’t come back,” he said to Elmyra. “And why I didn’t write back,” to Aerith. “And why I didn’t get your emails,” to Kunsel. 

“Zackary, we… we had no idea.” Elmyra said. “And Cloud, I’m so sorry.” The blonde man nodded, not speaking to avoid crying. Aerith stood, staring at the two men for a moment before walking over to the bed. She pulled both of them into a hug, sobbing. 

“I’m so so sorry,” she cried. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry they did this to you. I should’ve-- I should’ve known that something was really wrong.”

“Hey, come on now, Flower Girl. You couldn’t have known. It’s… okay. We made it out.” 

“You could both probably use some rest,” Kunsel said, standing. Zack stood, crossing the floor to try and catch the man as he walked out of the bedroom. He reached out a hand, brushing his fingertips on the back of Kunsel’s shoulder. 

“Kuns-”

“You should be with Cloud right now,”

“Hey-”

“Zack, please. Please. I need… I need a minute, okay? Shinra’s all I’ve ever known, and this is… this is a lot.” Zack shrunk back, unsure of what to say. 

“Yeah,” he said. “Trust me, I know.” Kunsel turned back around, tears in his eyes.

“I’m so sorry, Zack. I… I really failed you. I just… I need to think, okay?” He grasped Zack’s shoulder firmly for a moment, then walked out of the door to the bedroom. Zack turned back to the bed, where Cloud was now laying down. He stared at the ceiling, tears rolling soundlessly from the corners of his eyes. Elmyra brushed the hair out of his eyes before pressing her lips gently to his forehead. 

“I’ll bring up breakfast in the morning if you don’t feel like coming down. Let’s focus on getting some weight put back onto you, okay? We’ll start easy, some toast and butters. Maybe some juice if you feel up to it.” The blonde man nodded, not shifting his gaze.

“Yeah. That would be great. Thank you. For everything.” Elmyra and Aerith turned to leave, both resting a hand on Zack’s shoulders. 

“He’s worried,” Aerith whispered. “He thinks we’re going to treat him differently now. He thinks we’re going to treat him differently. We just want him to feel better. We want you both to feel better.” She squeezed his shoulder. “I don’t want to ask you for help figuring out how to treat you both, but I need you to somehow tell me when we’re doing it wrong, okay? I promise we will do our best.” The two women walked out of the room, leaving Zack and Cloud in the room alone. The former SOLDIER walked back over to the bed, sitting down on the edge of the mattress, a heavy sigh escaping his lips. He felt Cloud’s hand rest gently on his back, the warmth of the man’s palm bleeding through his skin. He dropped his head into his hands, finding himself overwhelmed once again by memories of being in Hojo’s lab with Cloud. 

“I’m not okay,” he whispered. “I’m not okay, Cloud. I can’t get it out of my head. Any of it. I just keep seeing it. All the terrible shit that happened. All the terrible things we went through. All the times I thought… fuck. And I thought… I thought telling them would make me feel better, but now I…”

“Come to bed,” Cloud said quietly. Zack laid down, facing the wall. Cloud rolled so that his chest was pressed against Zack’s back, his arm wrapping around the man, tugging gently on his IV tubing. “I love you. I love you so much. You kept me alive, Zack. You kept me alive the whole time we were in the lab, and then for the year we were out, trying to make it back here. I wouldn’t… Zack I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for you. Now we have to do the rest of this together, okay? We’ll get through this part together.” He squeezed Zack gently, muscles shaking with the effort of the gesture. 

Zack felt safer than he had since their escape. In this moment, he wasn’t scared of Shinra coming to take them back to the lab. He wasn’t worried that he was going to wake up to find that Cloud was gone, passed in the middle of the night with no one to comfort him. He felt safe in Cloud’s arms, safe in Elmyra’s home. He felt safe knowing that he was loved by Cloud. 

“Ha, you kept me alive, babe. If it wasn’t for you, wasn’t for trying to get you out of there so that we could just sit and see…” an idea struck Zack at that moment. He sat up quickly, turning to face Cloud, eyes shining. “Hey, how are you feeling? Up for a few stairs? I promise it would be worth it.” Cloud looked at him, perplexed.

“Um, I think I could handle a few? Maybe? Why, what’s--” he was cut off by Zack, the man punching the air like he had just won a prize. He crossed the floor to the other side of the bed, clamping Cloud’s IV fluids off then disconnecting the line from Cloud’s arm. He pulled Cloud slowly to his feet, walking hand in hand with the blonde to the door, opening it and stepping outside. They took the stairs slowly, Cloud needing to rest every few steps. “How many more?” he asked sheepishly. Zack smiled at him from the stair above him, never letting go of his hand. 

“Just a few, I promise,” he said. Cloud nodded, taking the next step. They finally made it to the top, Cloud breathing heavily, feeling like his legs were going to give out on him. His quads burned and shook, and he had to brace himself against the wall for a moment. Zack waited patiently for him, brushing the blonde hair out of his face. Cloud nodded when he was ready, and Zack pulled the door at the end of a short hallway open, pulling Cloud outside. 

“Where are we--” Zack pointed up, and Cloud was rendered speechless. 

_ Stars.  _

Hundreds upon hundreds of stars filled the night sky above them, their shine dimmed slightly by the glow of the Shinra Electric Power Company, but visible nonetheless. Cloud walked over to the railing of the balcony, leaning up against it, staring up at the sky with his mouth open. His eyes filled with tears and he turned his face back towards Zack for a moment, an incredulous smile playing across his lips. Zack smiled back at him, tears in his own eyes, feeling an incredible sense of relief as he watched Cloud turn back to the sky, staring up at the one thing he missed the most. He walked slowly over to the blonde, pressing his lips to the man’s shoulder, whispering in his ear. “I’ll be right back, okay? Stay right here.” Cloud continued to watch the night sky until Zack returned, carrying an armful of blankets and pillows in one arm, and Cloud’s IV pole in the other. He set the pole down and started laying the blankets and pillows out, constructing a makeshift bed. He sat down once he was done, patting the spot next to him. “Come here,” he said. Cloud obeyed, sitting down next to Zack, propping himself up against the wall of the house, eyes still glued to the sky. Zack gently pulled Cloud’s arm to him, hooking him back up to the IV. He pulled the man against his chest, staring up at the stars with him. He felt lighter, almost happy. He had fulfilled a promise, one that he had feared he never would. 

Maybe things would be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Something that ends on a little lighter note! Thank you guys so so SO much for continuing to read this story. I literally cannot BELIEVE that this story I'm writing has over 10,000 views. I could cry, honestly. Thank you for all your kudos, and thank you even MORE for all of your comments. I cannot wait to hear what you guys think of this chapter. I think it's a great step in the right direction for our two favorite boys.
> 
> Thank you all so much again.


	26. Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Short. Not sweet.

“Come on, you’re almost there, Spikey! Just a little farther!” Zack cheered. Cloud rolled his eyes, collapsing onto the bed and groaning. Zack plopped down next to the man, laughing. “You’re getting better, Cloud. You couldn’t even make it up the stairs last week. Seriously. You’re improving.” He pressed his lips to the blonde’s forehead, smiling. “Where do you want to eat dinner tonight?”

“Honestly, I’m not--”

“Ah, you know that’s not an option. You’ve put on a few pounds and we have to keep going with that. Okay? You want to be able to leave this place, right?” He reached down his hand to ruffle Cloud’s blonde hair, smiling as the man rolled his eyes. 

“Yeah, yeah. Hm. I guess… that little place down in town? The one Aerith works at sometimes? Their food is good. Maybe...maybe we could eat there? I might… be able to make it into town. It’s worth a try, right?” Zack smiled from ear to ear, leaning down to kiss Cloud. He drew back slightly, face just inches away from the blonde’s. 

“Absolutely worth a try. Come on, let’s shower and get dressed. You can go first. I’ll sit in the bathroom in case you need any help, okay?” Cloud nodded, waiting for Zack to move before standing up and walking down the hall to the bathroom. Zack waited outside, standing by the door until he heard the water in the shower start running. He pulled the door open and posted up in the corner, smiling as Cloud hummed. 

“Hey, Zack?” he asked as he washed himself with a bar of handmade soap. 

“Yeah?”

“I can’t… I can’t remember much about the time we spent in SOLDIER.” Zack’s heart sunk. He had hoped the times that Cloud had mentioned being in SOLDIER were due to his altered states of consciousness, maybe even due to his medications needing adjustments. But Cloud was now the most stable he had been since they escaped. Why was he still remembering things incorrectly? What would happen if Zack corrected him? “You were First Class, right?” Cloud asked from the shower. Zack hesitated, then answered.

“Yeah, babe. I was First Class. Along with Genesis, Angeal, and Sephiroth, but-” a pained scream escaped Cloud and Zack ripped the shower curtain open just in time to watch the blonde man crumble to the ground, head in his hands. Zack scooped him up, carrying him swiftly back to the bedroom they were staying in. He deposited the man into the bed, ran back to the bathroom to turn the water off, then returned to the bedroom, pulling the door and the curtains shut. He lay in the bed beside Cloud, pulling the smaller man to his chest. He still clutched his head in his hands, grunting in pain. “Shhh. Cloud, it’s okay. You’re safe. I’m right here. We’re safe. I love you,” he whispered to the man. He was sick over the fact that something he said had triggered this response in Cloud. He was even more sick over the fact that he was the reason the response existed in the first place. He berated himself silently as he held Cloud tightly, listening as his pained sounds grew quieter. 

“I’m… I’m sorry,” Cloud whispered. “I thought-”

“Not your fault, Cloud. How are you feeling now?” 

“I’m fine,” the man said. “Tired. But fine.”

“Why don’t you rest while I go shower, okay? Then we can go get some food.” Cloud nodded. 

“Yeah, that sounds good.” Zack pressed his lips to Cloud’s shoulder, then got up from the bed and made his way to the bathroom. He turned the water on as hot as it would go, stripped his clothes off and stepped inside. He winced as the water hit his skin, burning. He thought the sting would be enough to distract him, but he realized he was wrong as he felt his throat tighten and his eyes fill with tears. He washed himself quickly and efficiently, then sank into a crouch and cried, allowing the water to beat against his skin until it was numb and the stream turned cold. He turned the water off and stepped out, drawing a sharp breath when he locked eyes with Cloud, who was seated on the chair in the corner of the room. 

“You okay?” he asked quietly. Zack stared at the man, debating on how to answer. He settled on the truth.

“No. I’m not okay, Cloud. I’m not.” 

“What can I do? How can I help?” Zack wrapped a towel around his waist, then sat on the edge of the bathtub. Cloud stared at him with puppy-dog eyes, all the worry in the world swirling around pools of mako. Zack smiled weakly at him, trying to make the man (and himself) believe he would be okay. He stood after a moment of silence, walking over to the blonde and ruffling a hand through his hair. 

“I’ll be fine, Cloud. Let’s go eat.”

It took the two nearly an hour to walk from Aerith’s home to the restaurant. Cloud was slow, but made it farther than Zack had anticipated he would before needing a break. They were largely silent on their walk, and Zack couldn’t help but think that Cloud was uncomfortable. 

He was right. Cloud felt trapped with his thoughts and worries. Zack wasn’t okay; he had admitted as much. But what Cloud didn’t know was to what extent the man he loved was wounded. 

He doubted Zack would tell him if he asked. 

The weight of the guilt Cloud was carrying around was crushing him. He was at least partly responsible for the way that Zack was feeling, unsure of how large that part was. 

He was terrified that Zack would grow to hate him if they didn’t talk about it. He was terrified that Zack would hate him if they did talk about it. He was terrified…

“Cloud?” Zack’s soft voice brought him back to the present, and Cloud looked up. Zack was several paces ahead of him, almost to the restaurant. “You okay? Do you need a break? We’re almost there!” He pumped his fist into the air, victorious. Cloud had to stop himself from smiling at the man. He dropped his gaze, feeling the tension between them grow. He covered the remaining ground with the most confident gait he could muster, stopping just shy of Zack, tiling his head up so that their eyes were locked. 

“We have to talk about this, Zack. I’m not just gonna let it go.” HIs words were quiet, but full of intent. Zack’s expression shifted, hardened for a moment but then softened, sadness tinging his features. 

“Yeah. I know. Let’s eat, then we can talk on the way home? It should be a nice night.” Cloud nodded in agreement, sitting at the table the waiter was leading them to. The sun was setting above the Plate, the Plate Suns dimming slightly to match. They ordered their food, a pasta dish for Cloud and a meat dish for Zack. The blond man drank water, while the former SOLDIER ordered a beer. They ate quietly, making small talk here and there, but mostly thinking about what they would say to the other on the walk back home. Zack paid the waiter when they were done, and Cloud had the majority of his food boxed up. “Not hungry?” Zack asked as they began the walk home. Cloud shook his head. 

“No, just full. I still can’t eat much. Especially stuff like this.”

“I’m pretty much a bottomless pit.”

“You always have been,” Cloud laughed. Zack shrugged, laughing quietly as well.

“What can I say? You don’t get guns like these by not eating!” He nudged the blonde gently. Cloud laughed, then sombered. 

“Heya, Zack? Do you… do you hate me for what’s happened to us? Do you think… am I the reason you aren’t okay?” Zack stopped dead in his tracks. He turned to Cloud, tears in his eyes, expression mortified. 

“Oh god, Cloud. No. Baby, no. No. What did I do to make you think… god, I’m so sorry.” He pulled Cloud’s head against his shoulder, shaking with the effort of not breaking down into tears. “Goddamnit. I don’t know how to fix this!” Cloud dropped the box of food he was holding, not caring that it plummeted to the earth. He wrapped his arms around the man, pulling himself as close as he could. 

“I don’t… I don’t even know what’s wrong, Zack. I don’t know where to begin, let alone how to fix it.” They stood there for several moments, just existing in the same space as the other. 

“I think… Cloud I think I might need… to go away for a bit.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well that was...a break. Sorry, guys. Needed to take a step back and get a few things in my life together! I'm so grateful that you all have stuck around so far, and so excited to see what you think. Sorry to end the chapter on a heartbreaker! I'm curious to know how many of you predicted it was coming! As always, I LOVE a comment!
> 
> <3 Alyssa


	27. Promise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Is it...getting warm in here?

Nothing. Cloud had said nothing to Zack since they had returned to Aerith’s home after dinner that night. Three days had passed, and the blonde had done everything in his power to avoid him. He had asked Dr. Lark to resume taking care of him, rather than let Zack help. He had been walking with Kunsel, growing a little stronger every day. 

The only time the two came in contact was at night, when they slept. Zack would shower, then go to their room, Cloud would go shower, then crawl into the bed. 

He stayed as far away from Zack as the bed allowed. When Zack tried to reach out to touch him, Cloud would brush him away. 

On the fourth day since their dinner out, Cloud started to feel sick again. He didn’t feel like eating, and he and Kunsel walked only half as far as they had the day before. He spent most of the day in the flower garden, laying on the ground and staring up at the sky. Zack had watched him from the balcony, heart aching. Dinnertime came, and everyone ate together downstairs. Cloud didn’t even finish half of his meal before excusing himself. Zack followed suit, excusing himself and heading up the stairs to shower before turning in for the night. When he returned to their bedroom, Cloud exited, grabbing the small plastic tote he kept his toiletries in. When Zack herard the shower start to run, he walked to the bathroom door and sat outside of it, listening to make sure Cloud was okay. The water stopped and he walked back to the bedroom, laying on his side in the bed, curling up into himself. He waited for the fall of Cloud’s footsteps back into their room, soft and steady. The blonde man closed the door quietly, then turned around, walking towards the bed. He tripped over his own feet and crashed to the floor, grunting as he landed. Zack sprung out of the bed, rushing to Cloud’s side. He tried to pull the man to his feet, but Cloud wretched his arm away from the ex-SOLDIER. “Don’t touch me,” he said firmly. Zack moved back quickly, almost as if he was afraid. He fell back to the floor, sitting in shock as he watched Cloud push himself up off of the floor, the strain in his face obvious. He took a moment to catch his breath, then crawled into bed, chest heaving as he tried to keep himself from crying. 

Zack remained on the floor, shaking. “Is this what we are now?” A bitter sound escaped from Cloud, a mix of a scoff and a pained sob.

“There’s no we if there is only one of us here,” he said. Zack got up off of the ground, anger rising in his chest. 

“What does that mean?” he spat. Cloud rolled towards the wall, refusing to look at him. 

“You’re the one who wants to leave. You tell me,” he said quietly. Zack sat on the side of the bed, speaking sharply.

“I’m hurting, Cloud. And I get that you are, too. But I… I can’t fucking heal here. I can’t. I’ve been trying. I’ve been trying the whole fucking time we’ve been here. I can’t be what’s best for you right now. Goddammit. I’m not even what’s good for me right now!” Cloud shot to a sitting position, facing Zack.

Tears were streaming down his face, and Zack’s chest  _ ached _ .

“I don’t get it!” he shouted. “Why am I not enough to keep you here? Why am I not… good enough? I’m trying. I’m trying to get better, I’m trying so that we can have a normal life! We’ve lost… god, Zack, we’ve lost everything, and I’m trying to hang on to the one thing I have left!” a sob tore through the blonde, and Zack pulled him into his chest, holding the man as he shook with tears. He brushed the hair from Cloud’s face and pressed his lips to his forehead.

“You are enough, Cloud. You’re everything. You know that. I just… Cloud, there’s things I have to know. There’s some stuff I need settled. I’m not going to be okay until I do. I’m always gonna be thinking about it. I’ll always be distracted. And I don’t want that for us. I love you, Cloud. I love you and I want to be with you. I want us to have a life together, but we can’t just pretend like none of this shit happened to us. I can’t. There’s some things I have to have answered, Cloud. There’s some things I have to do. I’m not leaving to hurt you. I’m leaving to help both of us.” He squeezed the man a little tighter as he continued to shake, body wracked with sobs. Zack’s own tears rolled down his cheeks, dampening the man’s blonde hair. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. I’m not trying to hurt you. I promise.”

“Will you… come back?” 

“Always, remember?”

“Yeah.” The two sat in strained silence for a while, Cloud’s sobs quieting. Zack layed down, pulling the other man against his chest. He drew lazy circles on Cloud’s back, sighing as the man traced the same lazy shapes across his chest. “When are you leaving?”

“The end of the week,” Zack said quietly. Cloud’s breath caught.

“How long will you be gone?”

“A few weeks. I… I got us a set of phones so we can keep in contact, okay? I’ll call you every night. You can message me whenever. I promise I’m still gonna be available to you. I just… I have to get some answers.”

“Where are you going?” 

“Gongaga, first. Then a couple of other places. Then here. Home. Back to you, okay?” 

“Yeah. Okay.”

“In the meantime, you have to keep getting stronger, okay? Maybe when I come back, we’ll be able to… find our own place.” Cloud stiffened, then relaxed against Zack.

“I’d… like that. A lot.” Zack smiled, pressing his lips to Cloud’s hair again. 

“Yeah? Well, let’s start looking as soon as I get back.” He continued to draw circles on Cloud’s skin, basking in the warmth of the man curled against his chest. The blonde’s breaths grew deeper and farther apart, and he relaxed completely as he fell asleep against Zack.

He hoped he made it back so that he could live in this moment again and again. 

The next few days passed peacefully, albeit with a small amount of tension between the two men. They resumed doing everything together, and Cloud continued to make small steps towards recovery. He grew quieter as the end of the week drew nearer, and pushed harder, as if he had something to prove. When they sat down for their last meal together for a while, outside, under the stars, Zack discovered why.

“Let me go with you,” Cloud said. Zack nearly choked on his food, staring at Cloud.

“Absolutely not. You’re not ready for any kind of travel. Your medications aren’t all the way figured out, and you still won’t take them as injections. We can’t travel with the setups for your IV.”

“I’ll take them as injections! I swear. Zack, please. Please.”

For a moment, Zack’s resolve waivered. He opened his mouth and was grateful to feel a “yes” die in his throat. 

“Cloud. No. Not this time. This is something I need to do on my own, okay? And you need to work on your recovery.” Tears spilled from Cloud’s eyes. “Cloud, we’ve been over this. It will just be a few weeks. We tested the phones and they work. You’re safe here with Aerith and Kunsel. Elmyra will make sure you’re fed. This is the best place for you right now.” As he spoke, Cloud’s eyes fell to the ground.

“I’m scared, Zack. I’m scared of being without you. What if… what if the nightmares come back? What if I wake up screaming and you’re not there? Fuck, what if Shinra shows up, Zack? What if they come for me? Who’s supposed to--” his words were interrupted as Zack crashed into him, pulling him into a tight hug. 

“They won’t, Cloud. They’re not coming for you. They probably think we’re dead. You’re safe here. You’re safe. I love you, and you’re safe. I have to go on my own, to make sure you stay safe. To make sure other people are safe. I’m sorry. I’m sorry that it is making you feel this way, but I know it is what’s best. And in a few short weeks, we’ll be back together. We’ll be safe together again.” He crushed his lips against Cloud’s, a deep need to be as close as humanly possible to him taking root in his chest. Cloud reciprocated, lips parting slightly against Zack’s, breath escaping. Zack’s hand’s found the sides of the blonde man’s face, fingers brushing against skin and twisting into hair. Cloud’s hands found skin to play against as well, creeping under the edges of Zack’s shirt, tracing lines of fire against the hard planes of his stomach and chest. Heat pooled in his core, and his breathing quickened. He caught Cloud’s bottom lip between his teeth, biting down gently, pleased when the action elicited a quiet moan and sharp intake of breath from the man. “I love you,” he whispered, breaking their kiss. He rested his forehead against Cloud’s, both men taking heaving breaths.

“I love you, too. I love you. Come back to me.”

“Always. Promise.”

  
  


As Zack snuck out in the early morning, he took one last long look at Cloud’s sleeping form.

He hoped he would make it back. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh hi there! We are finally moving out of transition chapters and back to some plot! There's a LOT of setup going on right now, and I promise it is going to be worth it over the next few chapters!
> 
> ALSO things are going to start to heat up, as evidenced here! 
> 
> Thank you all SO SO SO much for sticking with me and reading this story. It brings me JOY to see the viewcount, bookmarks and kudo/comment counts all go up. You guys make writing this SO worth it. 
> 
> I can't wait to hear what you think! Leave me a comment if you have the time!
> 
> <3 Alyssa


	28. Reunion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Feels. A lot of feels.

He chose to travel by night after the first morning. There were too many Shinra infantrymen out and about for his taste. He knew being recognized would be the end. 

He knew being recognized would put Cloud in danger. 

He didn’t stay in hotels or rented rooms as he had originally planned. He was too worried that someone would see him, someone would alert Shinra to his presence.

He stuck to abandoned buildings, parking the motorbike he had obtained from a mechanic in town under the cover of shrubs, pulling extra branches as needed to conceal the black machine. Sleep didn’t come easy, too much noise during the day and too much fear that he would be spotted. By the third day of travel, he was exhausted. His travel was taking much longer than he expected. His body wasn’t responding the way he expected, the way it had before they had been taken and experimented on. Before he nearly died. 

He called Cloud every night before he took off. The man sounded more and more distraught with each passing day. He told Zack that he was fine, that he was working hard at getting stronger and eating more, and that he was getting himself ready to try taking the mako and medicine to suppress the Jenova cells by injection. Zack was thrilled to hear this, thrilled that Cloud would potentially be able to have his port removed before they were ready to move into their own place; however, his heart ached at the thought that Cloud was taking steps forward while he was trapped, trying to come to terms with the past. 

“Hey, Cloud?”

“ _ Yeah?”  _

“I love you. I really… I really love you.”

“ _ I love you, too. Are you okay? Are you sleeping?” _

“Eh, I’ll be fine! What about you?”

“ _ Lots of nightmares,”  _ Cloud admitted quietly. Zack sighed, disappointed in himself.

“I’m sorry I’m not there, babe.” For a moment, Cloud was silent.

“ _ Come home soon, okay _ ?”

“Yeah.”

“ _ I’ll see you when you get back. Bye, Zack _ .” 

_ Click. _

Zack slid the phone back into his pocket, silently cursing himself for hurting Cloud. He took a drink of water from the bottle he carried, ate a strip of jerky, then left the abandoned shed he had stayed in for the day. He uncovered his bike and strapped his bag in, sat down and turned the key, the bike roaring to life. He took a moment to hope for a quiet ride and a calm night, then set off. 

The lights were still on, shining through the windows by the time Zack rode into Gongaga. A few new houses had been constructed, several others painted, but otherwise, nothing had changed. He parked his bike outside of a bar, pulled his hood up, and began to walk down the familiar streets. 

As he approached his parents’ house, his pulse quickened. He walked up the short set of stairs to the front door, knocking softly. He heard shuffling inside, quiet footsteps, then the unlocking of a door. It opened slowly, cautiously, and Zack found himself face to face with a man he hadn’t seen in ten years, one that looked like a mirror, albeit older, version of himself. 

His father. 

The man eyed him slowly, then spoke quietly. 

“If you’re looking for a meal, traveler, my wife and I would be happy to host you. I’m afraid we don’t have a place for you to stay, but I know the owner of the inn down the road, and I’d be happy to help you--”

“Dad,” Zack croaked. “It’s me,” he pulled his hood back, revealing his face and detached his sword, setting it down beside him. His father stared at him for a moment, disbelief, then shock, then grief playing across his features. Suddenly, Zack found himself slammed against the man’s chest, arms wrapped around him. His father shook, sobs wracking his body, and soon Zack found himself doing the same. 

“My son,” he sobbed. “Zack, we thought… we thought… they told us…” he was interrupted by another set of footfalls, quiet and hesitant as they echoed down the stairs. 

“Robert?” a quiet voice asked. His father released him, turning towards the staircase. 

“Eleanna! Come down here, quick! It’s--” a woman rounded the corner of the staircase, kind eyes filled with concern as she looked upon her husband, still on the floor. Zack jumped to his feet and she flinched taking a step back before her eyes went wide, hands flying up to her mouth.

“Mom, it’s me. I’m here.” She stared at him for several moments more, shock playing across her features, tears pooling in her eyes. She stepped back again, shaking her head.

“No,” she whispered. “No, they told us you were dead. They… there were pictures… Zack, you were--” he crossed the space between them in one stride, pulling his mother against his chest, one hand coming up to cradle the back of her head. She broke into frantic tears, grief escaping from between her lips in wails as she cried.

“I’m here, mom. It’s really me. I’m here. It’s okay. I’m here, I’m so--” his own emotions caught up with him again and he choked on his words, sobs cutting him off. HIs mother pulled him closer, and Zack felt like a child again, crying to her after something had gone wrong at school or he had fallen while playing with his friends. He let himself collapse against her. He felt his father hug them both, arms as broad as Zack remembered wrapping them both. 

They stayed in each other’s arms for quite some time before his father finally broke the embrace. HIs mother placed her hand on Zack’s shoulders, holding him at arms length and examining him, the way only a mother could. 

“You need something to eat,” she said. “Come on, sit down at the table. Robert, you too.” She turned and walked towards the kitchen. Zack slipped his boots off then followed after her, his father’s arm around his shoulders. The man let out a melancholic chuckle, wiping fresh tears from his eyes.

“I never thought I’d be reunited with my son. This is… more than I could have ever hoped for.” He pulled a chair out, motioning for Zack to sit down. He did, and his father sat across from him. His mother put down a glass of tea in front of him, he instantly recognized the smell as his favorite blend from childhood. 

“Ma, really, you don’t have to make anything, it’s late, and I know--” he was interrupted by his mother setting a pot down forcefully on the stove, turning to him.

“Zackary Fair, don’t. Don’t you dare. It’s been nearly ten years since you left. Ten years since you told us you didn’t want to live in the country anymore and left. And it’s been five years since the Turks showed up to tell us that you’d never be back. Five years since they told us you were dead. Killed in action. So don’t tell me what to do now that you’re back. I have so much time to make up for. So many things to ask. So much to say to you. So, please. Just let me be your mother again. Please.” Zack couldn’t stop himself from crying, couldn’t keep the tears from rolling down his face and his chest from aching. 

“I--I missed y--you guys too, Mom. I’m s--so sorry. If I-I could’ve t--told you, I would have. It wasn’t s--safe,” he tried to keep himself together, tried to keep from sobbing as he spoke, but it didn’t work. He was forced to relive all of the horrors he and Cloud had been put through, all the trouble he had gone to get them out of the lab, the pain of dying and the pain of living.

And all they had told his parents was that he had died in action.

He found himself in his parent’s embrace once again, this time completely breaking down. It was the most he had let himself mourn since they escaped, the most he had let himself process what had happened. At home, he was too concerned with Cloud’s recovery, too worried that he would upset Aerith or Kunsel. 

Here, he was a son again, not a leader or a lover or a protector.

He pressed his face into his father’s shoulder, held onto his mother even tighter. 

And he wept. He tired himself out, cried until he didn’t have anything left. His father stayed solid, a wall for Zack to rest on. His mother was soft, comfortable. She whispered comforts to him as she stroked his hair, refilled his tea when he drank all of his. When he cried himself out, they sat in silence for a while. His mother was the first to speak, breaking the silence quietly.

“What did they do to you, Zackary?” He took a deep breath, unsure of what he should tell them. 

He decided on the truth. 

“It’s… a lot,” he said hesitantly. “And… you might not be happy with me at the end.” His father scoffed and his mother reached for his hand.

“Son, there’s nothing you could say that could make us unhappy with you. You’re alive. You came home. That’s all we’ve ever wanted,” his father said. His mother nodded and Zack took another deep breath. 

“Not all of what they told you was a lie,” he started.

His mother was sobbing when he was done speaking. They hadn’t interrupted him, only reacted quietly. His father remained stoic, tears rolling quietly down his face. 

“You have to tell someone, Zackary,” Robert pleaded. Zack shook his head furiously.

“No,” he said, a little too frantically. His father put his hands up, as if dealing with a wild animal, trying to look as non-threatening as possible. “We can’t. We don’t know if they’re still out there looking for us. If Hojo finds out, then there’s no telling what happens to us next. He’d kill me for sure. He told me over and over again that I was a failure as an experiment, and that would leave Cloud all alone, all alone with Hojo, and--”

“It’s okay, Zackary. We would never say anything to anyone. We don’t want you to be in danger.”

“Feels like we always are,” he whispered. His mother set another cup of tea down in front of him, and he almost immediately drank the whole glass. “Thanks for keeping this around,” he said. His mother nodded, smiling sadly.

“Anything we could to keep any memory of you alive,” she said. 

“So this Cloud,” his father started. “You love him?” Zack looked down, almost certain that his father was about to tell him what a waste loving another man was.

“Yeah. I do. Dad, I--”

“When do we get to meet him?” Robert asked. Zack choked on his words, chest aching at the way his father looked at him.

“Dad, you’re not…”

“Love is love, Zackary. No denying that.” Zack felt the familiar sting of tears once again, bowing his head.

“As soon as it’s safe and he’s okay to travel, I promise you’ll meet him.”

“Good. I have a lot to thank him for.” He pulled Zack in for another hug, while his mother sat down a steaming plate of noodles in front of him. He was about to take a bite when his phone rang. He flipped it open without looking at the ID, assuming it was Cloud.

“Hey, I’m sorry I didn’t check in, I’m--”

“ _ Zack!?”  _ Aerith’s voice crackled through the speaker, and Zack’s pulse quickened. 

“Aerith? Aerith, what’s wrong?”

“ _ Zack, Cloud’s gone. He said he was going to sleep, then I walked by your room and the door was wide open. He’s gone. He left a note saying he couldn’t stay anymore. He didn’t say where he was going. He took the mako and what was left of the meds. There was only a few days worth. Kunsel’s looking for him, but nothing yet. I’m so sorry, Zack. I’m--” _

Zack flipped the phone shut, cutting her off. He stood from the table quickly, turning towards the door. 

He suddenly felt light headed, black spots appearing in his vision. He fell to the floor, clawing at his chest, feeling it tighten. He tried to draw a breath and found himself unable, even more darkness tearing at his vision.

His father appeared over him, frantically mouthing words Zack couldn’t hear over the roaring in his ears. 

His vision faded, and Zack passed out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I took Zack asking about his mother in CC and RAN WITH IT. I've always found family dynamics to be incredibly important parts of character building, and I couldn't help but explore Zack's family. And of course, he had to tell them about Cloud. I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter. And I hope you're ready for some angst. 
> 
> Thank you guys again for sticking with me. You're all amazing. Thank you for the love and the kudos and the comments. Please continue to comment and let me know what you're thinking! I'll see you guys next week!
> 
> <3 Alyssa


	29. Descent

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Uh oh.

Cloud shivered as he walked through the undercity slums. He wanted to get as far away from Sector Four as he could, away from the people who knew what a mess he was. He was a burden and he knew it. 

He was a burden, and Zack left because of it.

He hadn’t said anything about leaving. His chest ached as he talked to Zack for the last time, telling him to “come home soon” and “I’ll see you when you get back,” knowing full well that he wouldn’t be there when the man returned. He had packed the few things he had in a backpack, along with the mako and JENOVA cell suppression medication injections. He knew there wasn’t a large supply of them, but he didn’t care. He had to get out. 

He was strong enough now to walk until he found a place to rest. He left during the night, figuring he was less likely to be spotted. He pulled on the SOLDIER uniform that he had been in when he dragged Zack to the church, grateful that Aerith had washed it and thought to keep it. He laced his boots and exited the room, walking quietly down the stairs. No one heard or tried to stop him. He closed the front door and took one last look around the garden full of flowers. With a deep breath, he turned to leave, walking down the path that would lead him out of the sector. He walked until dawn, finding himself in a place called Wall Market. There was a deserted shed near the entrance of the town, and Cloud crawled inside of it, thinking it was probably the safest place to sleep. He put his backpack under his head and fell asleep, feeling more alone than he had in a very long time. 

Night came again and he set out, stopping only to purchase a meal with some money Zack had left for him. He continued through Wall Market, finally coming to a road without any buildings or people. He continued on his way, moving slowly, the toll of trying to stretch the time between doses of mako and suppression drug apparent. His body ached and his vision blurred, but he pushed through as best he could. He was thankful he had avoided the monsters, not questioning why they were staying away. He knew that while he was capable of fighting for himself, and while he had done it before, he was currently unarmed and weaker than he had ever been in his life. 

He continued to walk until he came to a train station. He purchased a ticket and shuffled onto the train, taking a seat near the back. As the train hummed to life, Cloud nodded off, slumping against his seat. When the train shuddered to a stop he was shaken awake, jolted back to reality. He stood up, body shaking, and started to walk towards the train doors. He looked at the LED readout over the exit before stepping out, the location of the stop flashing across a black screen:  _ Sector 7.  _ He stepped out into the night and started walking down the winding path he assumed would lead to whatever semblance of a town existed in this sector. As he walked, the lights of the town grew brighter, signifying that he was getting closer. He wasn’t sure how much money he had left, even less sure that it would be enough for a hotel room. He was certain that he could find a place to rest, even if it was another abandoned building. His limbs were shaking more and more, his vision blackening at the edges. He knew he wasn’t going to make it much farther. He had waited too long to dose himself, and he knew he wouldn’t be able to draw the medicine accurately with his hands shaking as badly as they were. 

“ _ Please, _ ” he whispered to himself, “please, just a little bit further.” 

He willed himself to keep walking, stumbling and weaving through the streets, bumping into more than one stranger. The roaring in his head kept him from hearing them shout at him, stopped him from hearing others ask if he was okay. He kept moving towards the buildings, thinking if he could make it to a good resting spot he would just look like one of the drunks that sat on the ground. He thought that if he could still fight with a sword through his chest, still take on  _ Sephiroth-- _

At the thought of the SOLDIER’s name, Cloud’s head felt like it was splitting from the inside. He fell to the ground, clutching his head and screaming out. He knew he was drawing people towards himself, knew he was causing a scene, but he couldn’t stop himself. The pain was incredible, and only continued to get worse. He knew he was going to pass out, vision almost completely gone, pulse racing and chest tight. He collapsed fully, dirt and rock scratching his cheek as his face hit the ground. The roaring started to quiet and Cloud knew that he wouldn’t be awake much longer, his consciousness fading. The last thing he heard was a female voice shouting his name in a questioning tone. The voice tugged at something familiar in his chest, easing the feeling of fear that flooded his system as he was forced into sleep.

Zack gasped as he woke, roaring back to life. His head was in his mother’s lap, his father hovering above them. She was dabbing his forehead with a cool cloth, brushing her fingers through his hair. 

“Mom?” he said quietly. She nodded her head softly, eyes tired. “What happened?”

“You took a call and jumped up from the table, then you hit the deck,” his father said. Everything that had happened came rushing back to Zack, and the same tightness he had felt before passing out returned. He clenched his fists, holding his breath and biting back tears. His father sat by his side, gently taking his hand. 

“Breathe, son. Deep breaths. It’ll help with the panic.” Zack’s eyes snapped to meet his dad’s, trying to do as he was told.

“You come by that honestly. After the military came to us to tell us… after they told us you were dead, I had the worst panic attacks of my life. I thought they would never end. Tight chest, ears ringing, completely unable to sleep at times. And that was just over thinking we’d lost you forever. I can’t even imagine… after what’s happened to you--”

“Cloud’s gone,” he cried. “Aerith said… she said he’s not there anymore. That she walked by and our room was just… empty,” he sobbed, fear rising again within him. Where would Cloud go? Did he have his treatments with him? The last time he had run off he was in terrible shape when Zack finally found him, and he had been gone for less than a day. What if--

Anger rose in Zack. He sat up, tears still running down his face. He had  _ told  _ Cloud he would be back. He had never not come back to him. He had always returned, exactly like he said he would. Why would he decide to leave now?

“He’s lost, Zackary. Just like you,” his mother said. He turned to face her, a mixture of love and sadness playing across her face. “You’ve both been through… so much. Maybe he needed to go find himself, just like you’re doing.” She pulled him into another hug, his father joining them. 

“I need to go find him,” Zack whispered. 

“We know,” his mother replied. “And you should. But not like this. Not exhausted and hungry. You need a shower, some sleep, and at least one decent meal before you leave. Please. Let us… let us be your parents again. We want you to find him. We want to meet him. We want to thank him for being what’s kept you alive all this time. But we want you to be okay even more. And you aren’t right now. So please, just one or two nights. Please.” She pulled back from their embrace, staring into his face. 

Zack knew she was right. “Yeah. I guess… I guess I’m not much good like this.”

His father clapped him on the shoulder. “We love you, son.”

“Love you guys, too.”

Sounds swam through Cloud’s head, becoming clearer. He cracked his eyes open, grateful that he was surrounded by dim lights. He was laying on something soft, definitely not the ground he had collapsed on. Where was he, again? He vaguely remembered being on a train and getting off of it, but he wasn’t sure where he was coming from or where he had ended up. 

A cool hand brushed across his brow. 

“Cloud? Are you… waking up?” a calm voice asked him. He opened his eyes a little wider, trying to focus on the figure that was seated beside him. With a groan, Cloud pushed himself into a seated position, drawing himself away from the familiar figure. She reached out to touch him but he pulled away, and her hand stopped, hovering in the air between them. “Is it… really you? It… it can’t be, right? You were…” Red eyes locked with his, brow furrowed in equal parts sadness and confusion. This time it was Cloud that reached out, leaning forward and brushing long, dark hair out of the woman’s face. His head ached for all the things he couldn’t remember, the hole that seemed to be his past. But for some reason, he was certain he knew the woman sitting beside him. She inhaled sharply as his gloved fingers gently touched her face, her eyes fluttered shut, and a single tear snaked its way down her cheek. His voice was quiet when he finally spoke.

“Tifa?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, guys. Here we are. I had to come up with something to bridge the gap between the story I'm writing and the remake. Obviously I've made big changes, and those things will lead to more big changes, but I genuinely wanted to preserve some of the feel of the original game and the remake. So Cloud has to forget, and Zack has to realize he can't fix everything around him without working on fixing himself too.
> 
> But oh, man. It's gonna be a process. 
> 
> And I'm really excited about it.
> 
> Thank you guys so much for sticking with me this far. Thank you for your reads, your kudos, and your comments. I love getting to read your reactions. I love hearing what you're thinking. Please, keep commenting.
> 
> I sincerely hope you are all staying safe. COVID is just crushing my soul at work right now, and I'm grateful to get to wrist this story and share it with you after long days of taking care of patients. It's a great stress relief and it lets me feel somewhat normal.
> 
> You guys rock. And if you're stressed out or need someone to talk to, you can always shoot me a message!
> 
> <3 Alyssa


	30. Turning Point

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zack progresses, Cloud regresses.

“Is it… really you?” Tifa asked. Cloud brushed the tear running down her face away with his thumb, gloved hand trembling. 

“Yeah… it’s me.” She launched herself onto him, wrapping her arms around him. He was still shaking, stunned that Tifa was there. As he tried to move, to hug her back, he was overcome with a wave of exhaustion, nausea, and pain. He groaned, slumping against her. She pulled back quickly, hands moving to his shoulders to support him. 

“Cloud! Are you okay!?” he groaned quietly as the wave continued to move through his body. He knew he had something that he was supposed to take, something that he needed to feel normal. 

“Backpack,” he whispered. Tifa jumped up, grabbing the black bag that was laying on the other side of whatever room they were in. She handed it to Cloud, who fumbled with the zipper for several moments before finally pulling the bag open, retrieving one green syringe and one blue. He uncapped the green first, pointing the needle at his forearm, willing himself to press it into the skin. Hot tears poured down his face, the trembling in his hands growing worse every second.

Tifa’s hands removed the syringe from his, quickly and efficiently locating a vein and injecting the medication. 

“This one too?” she asked, holding up the syringe filled with blue liquid. He nodded, and she injected the medication. He fought every instinct he had and sat still, knowing that he would likely die without the medications. Still, the sting of the needle and the subsequent burning in his veins made him nauseous, every nerve in his body telling him to run. His heart raced and he tensed. Tifa noted the change and sat back, staring quizzically at him. “Are you okay?” He shook his head slightly, trying to clear the fog from his brain. 

“Yeah,” he said quietly. 

“Don’t tell me you’re afraid of a little needle,” she joked. His brow furrowed, and he tried to remember what had made him afraid of needles. He couldn’t remember, but the feeling that something bad had happened wouldn’t leave his body. 

“Cloud, what happened? Where have you been?”

“I’m fine, Tifa. Just fine. I just… needed some space after Nibelheim.”

Her stomach sank. It had been Zack, not Cloud, who had escorted Sephiroth to Nibelheim all those years ago. She wasn’t sure what was going on, what had happened to Cloud, but she could tell that he was fragile. Something was wrong. 

“Let’s get you some food, Cloud. You look like you need it. Come on. Let’s go to the bar.”

Zack called Cloud’s phone for what felt like the hundredth time, the call going straight to voicemail, just like every other one had. He dropped the phone onto his bed, hand coming to rest across his eyes. 

He had left Cloud alone, and he had run away. Why? Had he had a total breakdown? A panic attack in the middle of the night and woken up to Zack being gone? Had he felt abandoned? What if he had dreamed of Sephiroth again and run off, chasing a ghost? These thoughts plagued Zack as he drifted off to sleep, comfortable in the bed he had slept in until he left for the military. His parents hadn’t changed his room, instead leaving it untouched, a memory of the son that they had lost. The bed still felt like his, and for that, he was grateful. Eventually, the familiar pillows and mattress finally lulled him to sleep, just before the sun began to rise. 

He woke screaming several hours later, dreaming of watching Cloud die, suspended in the mako tank. He thrashed for several moments, trying to fight the mako invading his lungs, then began to cough, clouds of dark blood released from his mouth. Zack had slammed his fists against the tanks until they bled, until he was certain his bones were shattered. He watched, helpless, as Cloud stopped thrashing, cried as his body floated toward the top of the tank, lifeless. Only as Zack sank to the floor did the tank open, dumping Cloud’s limp figure into Zack’s arms. He screamed at the blonde, beat against his chest, but nothing worked. He cried as he gave up, screaming into the darkness of the lab. 

“Zack!? Zackary, wake up!” he woke, tears streaming down his face, his father’s hands on his shoulder, shaking him. As he gasped for air, trying to shake the images of his love dead in his arms from his head, his father pulled him into a hug.

“I shouldn’t have left him, Dad.”

“You did what you needed to do, Zack. Sometimes love is doing what you have to in order to fix yourself, too. And maybe he needed some space, too.”

“Why did he leave?” Zack asked quietly. His father hugged him a little tighter, clapping him on the back.

“You’ll have to ask him when you’re reunited. Come downstairs. Your mother is making breakfast.” his father stood from the bed, exiting the room. Zack rubbed his hands against his face, then grabbed his phone, flipping it open. He had hoped to see a missed call or a text from Cloud, but the only name that flashed across his screen was Aerith’s. She had called him several times, then text him, asking where he was and if he was okay. He pressed the call button, and the phone rang only once before she answered. 

“ _ Zack _ !?” her voice was tense, tight with tears. “ _ Zack, where are you? Are you okay? _ ”

“I’m fine, Aerith. I’m… I’m at my parents’ place in Gongaga.”

“ _ What!? _ ”

“Yeah,” he said. “I just needed to--”

“ _ That’s great, Zack _ .”

“Has he come back?” she was silent for a moment, all the response Zack needed. 

“ _ No _ ,” she whispered. “ _ And Kunsel hasn’t been able to track him down. We’ve searched the whole sector, but there’s no telling where he’s gone off to. Zack, I’m so sorry _ .”

“It’s not your fault, Aerith.”

“I _ t’s not yours either, Zackary _ .”

“...yeah.”

“ _ He took the mako and the other medicine with him. _ ”

“How many days’ worth was there?”

“ _ Of the mako, about a month. The other medication, fifteen or so days. _ ”

“Shit,” he breathed. “He didn’t leave anything indicating where he was going?”

“ _ No. He didn’t say anything. He didn’t leave a note. There’s no way Kunsel can think to trace him. Zack, I don’t know what we can do _ ,” her voice shook, unshed tears threatening to burst forth. Zack took several deep breaths, trying to keep himself from slipping back into the panic that he knew was waiting for him. He thought of the things his father had said to him last night and this morning. 

“Maybe… maybe he doesn’t want to be found right now, Aerith. Maybe… maybe he needs a little bit of time to… figure himself out.”

“ _ Zack _ ?”

“I… I need some time, too. I don’t think I’m okay. And I don’t think I have been for a while.”

“ _ Zack, when are you coming home?”  _ He took a deep breath, knowing his next words were not ones to take lightly, and not ones that would be kind to Aeirth. 

“Whenever I figure out where that is, Aerith.” A sob escaped her lips, and Zack’s chest ached. 

“ _ I should’ve tried harder to find you, Zackary. I knew you weren’t gone. I knew you were alive. I could feel it. I could feel it and I doubted it and I let you suffer for so long. I should’ve done more, I shouldn’t have moved on, I should’ve--” _

“Hey, no thinking like that, Flower Girl. None of what happened, none of what’s happening, had anything to do with you. You had to protect yourself.”

“ _ I thought of you every day, Zackary. Every single day. I mourned you. I was so angry at you. I was angry at you for leaving. I was angry at you for not writing me. I was angry at you for dying! And I never once questioned it. I just… I let myself fall in love with Kunsel. I let myself let you go, and the whole time--” _

“Aerith, stop. It’s okay. What happened… is already over. I’m happy you moved on. Really. I… I love Cloud. I love him more than I thought I was capable of loving someone. He kept me alive, Aerith. He’s what kept me going. He’s the reason we got out. If you could have seen how he suffered… seen what he went through… but we both have to heal by ourselves… otherwise, we’re just faking it for the other. Sometimes… I guess sometimes loving someone means letting them go. I’m happy you’re with Kunsel. He’s a good man. I’m always going to… Aerith, I’m always going to love you. But after what we’ve been through… I just can’t imagine being without Cloud. And loving someone who’s been what we’ve been through… I wouldn’t want that for you. So, please, Aerith. Don’t keep thinking that any of this is your fault. It’s not. And I never thought it was. I love you. I’ll always love you. And I’ll always be here for you. But I have to figure myself out. And I have to find Cloud. I made a promise to him.”

“ _ I’ll always love you, Zackary Fair. And I know Cloud loves you the same way you love him. I can feel it. And while you’re searching for your home, please know that you have a temporary one here. You’re loved by everyone here. Me the most,” she said quietly. “Don’t leave me in the dark, Zack. Please. At least check in every once in a while with me. _ ” He nodded, wiping tears from his face. 

“Yeah. You too. And if you hear from or of him--”

“ _ Of course, _ ” she said. “ _ You’ll be the first one I call. Zack, there’s one more thing.” _

“Okay,” he said. Aerith took a deep breath before speaking again.

“ _ I think… there’s something wrong with Cloud’s mind. Before he left, he kept talking about wanting to be able to go home to Gongaga with you someday, to visit his parents.” _

Zack broke out in a cold sweat, fears he had shoved down into his chest bubbling to the surface. “Yeah. I know. I think… it has to have something to do with the experiments that were done on us. I’m not sure. I just hope… I hope he’s okay wherever he’s at.”

“ _ He is. I can feel it. _ ”

“Let me know if that feeling changes, okay? Please.”

“ _ Of course. Tell your parents hello from me, okay? I hope they don’t hate me.” _

“I don’t think it’s possible for anyone to hate you, Flower Girl. Tell Kunsel hi for me. I’ll talk to you soon.”

“ _ Bye, Zack. _ ” The phone clicked, Aerith hanging up first. Zack flipped his phone shut, dropping it to the ground, bringing his hands up to his face, letting himself cry for several moments. He stood at the sound of his father calling up, wiping the tears from his face before walking down to the dining room, sitting in the seat he had always used as a child. His mother set down a plate of pancakes in front of him, stooping to pull him into a hug.

“I was worried you were a dream,” she whispered. Zack smiled against her shoulder, starting to feel whole for the first time in years.

“I was worried you were too, Mom. But it’s real. I’m really here. I love you.”

  
  


Cloud had started to feel much better after taking his medications and eating. He was on his third sandwich, trying to stay calm as Tifa stared at him from the other side of the counter. 

“Thanks, Tifa. Sorry. I haven’t really had much access to food for the past couple days.”

“No, don’t apologize. I’m just… I’m so glad to see you, Cloud. I wasn’t sure I ever would again. You look… god, Cloud, you look so different. I feel like you weighed more as a teenager.”

“Yeah, I guess I thinned out when I joined SOLDIER. I’m stronger now, that’s for sure,”Cloud said. He wasn’t lying, he felt stronger than he had since escaping the mansion. All he was missing was a sword. “Hey, Tifa, do you know of anyone looking for help right now? I really need… I need to make some money so I can find a place to stay for a while. And I need… shit, I need a new sword. I’m not sure what happened to mine.” Tifa smiled at him, sliding him another glass of water across the bar. 

“Well, I know I can get you a sword. I can actually get that for you like, now. That’s no problem. I’m pretty sure there’s at least four in the back. As far as work, I do have an idea. Have you ever head of AVALANCHE?” Cloud shook his head, having no clue what she was talking about. 

“Do you have something similar to a buster sword? That’s what I’m most comfortable with. And as far as AVALANCHE, I have no idea what that even is. But if it’s a job, I’m down. I need the cash.” Tifa smiled at him, nodding. 

“Yeah, I’ve got something like that. And a job for you, all ready to go within the next couple of days. And if you need a place to stay, I can talk to my landlord. I’m pretty sure there’s an open apartment in the building I live in.”

“Yeah, that would be great, Tifa.”

Three nights later, Cloud was at the station, following a man with a gun for an arm and three other members of AVALANCHE, ready to infiltrate a mako reactor to make the money he needed to survive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really wanted to develop Zack some more during this chapter. His growth is going to become really important over the next few chapters. He's going to be hit hard, but he's also going to be more equipped to deal with life's difficulties than we've seen him.
> 
> Forgive me for the gratuitous development of the relationship between Zack and his family. It's something that is so important to me for some reason.
> 
> I adore every single one of you that is sticking with me and reading this story. Like I've said before, it's the thing that is keeping me sane during all of this COVID madness. Work in the hospital is getting more and more difficult, so I really appreciate being able to come here and just make a new world. 
> 
> Thank you so much to everyone reading, everyone leaving kudos, and a special thanks to everyone who comments. You guys keep me going.
> 
> i hope you are all staying safe. I can't wait to hear what you think, and what you think is coming.
> 
> <3 Alyssa


	31. ANNOUNCEMENT

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> DID A THING!

Hey guys, no real chapter update to "Dreams", but, and exciting announcement! I've posted the first chapter of Reno's backstory, titled "Home"! I would absolutely love it if you all would go check it out! Leave me a comment and let me know what you think! You guys already know what happens at the end, but I promise the story in between will be good, and worth the heartbreak. As always, I appreciate you guys IMMENSELY.

**Author's Note:**

> OOF. Here we go, guys.


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